Going rate on barmitzvah gift giving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We give $180 to direct family, $144 to family and close friends. $72 if our child is going to a friends (without us.)

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how close you are to the family and how much you are comfortable with giving, but anywhere from $25 to $75 would be fine as a gift (some relatives or close friends may choose to give more). $50 was very typical at my son's bar mitzvah, and he got plenty of $25 gifts; the more expensive ones tended to be from people who were long-time close friends of the family. You can give a gift card or a non-monetary gift if you would prefer that to giving money. The value of the guests' company and presence as we celebrated this milestone was what was important, and I certainly couldn't remember who gave gifts of what amount, other than remembering a few very generous ones from close family.

We're Jewish and tend to give gifts in multiples of $18 at bar/bat mitzvahs and when giving to charity (a tradition based on the fact that the Hebrew word for "life" adds up to 18, because Hebrew letters are also numbers). However, it isn't typical for non-Jews to give gifts in multiples of $18 and you certainly don't need to unless you want to. So if you want to buy a gift card that exists already, those tend to be in multiples of $10 or $25 and that would be fine.

I was curious about the significance of "18" so glad someone explained that after like 20 posts....

So, if as a gentile not knowing anything about the rule of 18, if I gave $35 to a classmate of my child's who he knows only at school ( no outside of school socializing ) , but we both attended the service and only him the party then I cam pretty close without having a clue ???

[Anonymous]

Question: does the service vary based on the dues the family pays to the Synagogue ?

Just curious because I have seen some Rabbis give A LOT of time and attention and I've seen others where the kids reading is just a blip or one of three kids in a row on same day.

What determines this ? I've heard some Jewish friends complain too. What is this about ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on how close you are to the family and how much you are comfortable with giving, but anywhere from $25 to $75 would be fine as a gift (some relatives or close friends may choose to give more). $50 was very typical at my son's bar mitzvah, and he got plenty of $25 gifts; the more expensive ones tended to be from people who were long-time close friends of the family. You can give a gift card or a non-monetary gift if you would prefer that to giving money. The value of the guests' company and presence as we celebrated this milestone was what was important, and I certainly couldn't remember who gave gifts of what amount, other than remembering a few very generous ones from close family.

We're Jewish and tend to give gifts in multiples of $18 at bar/bat mitzvahs and when giving to charity (a tradition based on the fact that the Hebrew word for "life" adds up to 18, because Hebrew letters are also numbers). However, it isn't typical for non-Jews to give gifts in multiples of $18 and you certainly don't need to unless you want to. So if you want to buy a gift card that exists already, those tend to be in multiples of $10 or $25 and that would be fine.

I was curious about the significance of "18" so glad someone explained that after like 20 posts....

So, if as a gentile not knowing anything about the rule of 18, if I gave $35 to a classmate of my child's who he knows only at school ( no outside of school socializing ) , but we both attended the service and only him the party then I cam pretty close without having a clue ???

Then you are going to hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question: does the service vary based on the dues the family pays to the Synagogue ?

Just curious because I have seen some Rabbis give A LOT of time and attention and I've seen others where the kids reading is just a blip or one of three kids in a row on same day.

What determines this ? I've heard some Jewish friends complain too. What is this about ?

In my experience, it depends on two things. The size of the synagogue directly relates to how many kids have to share a bnai mitzvah weekend. Secondly, a kids aptitude and/or interest can influence how much of the service they lead. My synagogue is small, so everyone gets their own weekend. However, there is a mandatory meeting six months out to discuss what service and how much leading is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Minimum $50 for one child going. Anything less and you are super cheap.