Going rate on barmitzvah gift giving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

Ridiculous. Just because the parents choose to have a lavish (some would say garish) celebration for a 13 year old, does not mean that you have to subsidize it. This is supposed to be a religious celebration. Both weddings and bar mitzvahs have gotten completely out of hand. Give what feels right for you (in multiples of 18).

It feels right to me to give around $100, given that my bat mitzvah was in 1990 and nobody gave me less than $50.

If we were going to a classmate's confirmation or eighth grade "graduation" we would give a standard $25.00 cash gift or gift card. Keeping in that budget range while respecting the 18 tradition, we plan to give $36.00 for my kid's classmate's bar mitzvah. More than that for an acquaintance kid feels excessive.

I give $25 for a basic birthday party gift. Not a special occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

I'm sure you feel really good about yourself. All the money I got from my bat mitzvah went towards paying for college. My two godsisters, 15 and 17, gave me a gold bracelet. My parents gave me two gold bracelets. Everyone else gave me a check. I still have my college education, but two of the three bracelets have since been lost, 25 years later.

NP here. Cool story, PP.

Explain to me again why I, a neighbor/friend of the bat mitzvah girl's parents, should help pay for college? No really, I would love to hear you walk me through the rationale as to why a religious mile marker in a child's life is an occasion to build the child's war chest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

I'm sure you feel really good about yourself. All the money I got from my bat mitzvah went towards paying for college. My two godsisters, 15 and 17, gave me a gold bracelet. My parents gave me two gold bracelets. Everyone else gave me a check. I still have my college education, but two of the three bracelets have since been lost, 25 years later.

NP here. Cool story, PP.

Explain to me again why I, a neighbor/friend of the bat mitzvah girl's parents, should help pay for college? No really, I would love to hear you walk me through the rationale as to why a religious mile marker in a child's life is an occasion to build the child's war chest?

Absolutely agree. You could say that for any present. My kid loses his Lego pieces all the time. Should I expect college contributions for major celebrations in his life because it is more lasting than a Lego set just because one will stick around longer than the other?

[Anonymous]

The prior poster's point was not that you should spend more money, but that by giving cash/check, the bar mitzvah boy can save it for college (or whatever) opposed to an actual gift that will be lost, broken, discarded through the years. I think this is common for any "milestone" gift, no? I would give a check as a gift for all of communion/confirmation, bar mitzvah, graduation, wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you invited as friends of the parents? Colleagues? Or was your daughter invited to a friend's? If the former, treat it like a wedding in multiples of $18.

You mean $13, right?

No.

[Anonymous]

If you were invited as a family...I would think around 100. If if is just a child going to a friends ..then I usually do a 50 Amazon card. I am Jewish but did not grow up with the 18 tradition that people talk about here. Cash was not expected...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

If those are the circles you travel in, fine. As for the rest of us...


$36 if I don't really know them. $54 if I know the kid pretty well and on upwards if the whole family is friends with us.

OP, my son got gifts ranging from $20 at GameStop up theough $118 from friends, depending on means and relationship. He also got a few actual gifts. Truthfully, we invited people to share our joy and that is really all we cared about. You will most likely be pretty impressed with what these kids accomplish and enjoy the cultural experience. Very different from most church experiences. Know that you are welcome, and enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

I'm sure you feel really good about yourself. All the money I got from my bat mitzvah went towards paying for college. My two godsisters, 15 and 17, gave me a gold bracelet. My parents gave me two gold bracelets. Everyone else gave me a check. I still have my college education, but two of the three bracelets have since been lost, 25 years later.

NP here. Cool story, PP.

Explain to me again why I, a neighbor/friend of the bat mitzvah girl's parents, should help pay for college? No really, I would love to hear you walk me through the rationale as to why a religious mile marker in a child's life is an occasion to build the child's war chest?

So then don't give cash. Whatever. This is our tradition, and if you don't likeit, do something else. Just please keep your mouth shut on the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

Why would you refuse to participate in a traditional manner? When in Rome, you know...

Traditional? There is nothing traditional about giving money, let alone money in multiples of 18. It's a modern American Jewish custom, that's all.

OP, you should give whatever you find suitable for your own particular taste and budget for a boy who is having a 13th birthday party. If that's money, great; if it's not money, also great; and if it's money, it doesn't have to be in multiples of 18, which is numerology, aka superstition. Also, as with wedding parties or any other big party, the amount of money the hosts spend on the party is irrelevant to the amount of money you spend on a present.

[Anonymous]

Assuming the invitation is for our child and not for us, we give $36 for a classmate, $54 for a classmate with a closer connection (we know the parents fairly well, e.g.), $90 for a good friend (only a couple of these). Card, check, you're done. I love it.

[Anonymous]

I am in line with PP..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

If those are the circles you travel in, fine. As for the rest of us...


$36 if I don't really know them. $54 if I know the kid pretty well and on upwards if the whole family is friends with us.

OP, my son got gifts ranging from $20 at GameStop up theough $118 from friends, depending on means and relationship. He also got a few actual gifts. Truthfully, we invited people to share our joy and that is really all we cared about. You will most likely be pretty impressed with what these kids accomplish and enjoy the cultural experience. Very different from most church experiences. Know that you are welcome, and enjoy.

Nicest and sanest resonse of the thread right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

If those are the circles you travel in, fine. As for the rest of us...


$36 if I don't really know them. $54 if I know the kid pretty well and on upwards if the whole family is friends with us.

OP, my son got gifts ranging from $20 at GameStop up theough $118 from friends, depending on means and relationship. He also got a few actual gifts. Truthfully, we invited people to share our joy and that is really all we cared about. You will most likely be pretty impressed with what these kids accomplish and enjoy the cultural experience. Very different from most church experiences. Know that you are welcome, and enjoy.

Nicest and sanest resonse of the thread right here.

The idea that I need to cover my meal is ridiculous. We give based on our relationship; DD received based on relationships. Most (from kids) were between $36 and $54. We really did not care about the gifts, but rather, wanted people to celebrate the milestone. DD worked hard on it, and did a great job.

[Anonymous]

I do exactly what the PPs say.

[Anonymous]

It depends on how close you are to the family and how much you are comfortable with giving, but anywhere from $25 to $75 would be fine as a gift (some relatives or close friends may choose to give more). $50 was very typical at my son's bar mitzvah, and he got plenty of $25 gifts; the more expensive ones tended to be from people who were long-time close friends of the family. You can give a gift card or a non-monetary gift if you would prefer that to giving money. The value of the guests' company and presence as we celebrated this milestone was what was important, and I certainly couldn't remember who gave gifts of what amount, other than remembering a few very generous ones from close family.

We're Jewish and tend to give gifts in multiples of $18 at bar/bat mitzvahs and when giving to charity (a tradition based on the fact that the Hebrew word for "life" adds up to 18, because Hebrew letters are also numbers). However, it isn't typical for non-Jews to give gifts in multiples of $18 and you certainly don't need to unless you want to. So if you want to buy a gift card that exists already, those tend to be in multiples of $10 or $25 and that would be fine.