Going rate on barmitzvah gift giving?

[Anonymous]

We have two coming up, a Saturday night and a Sunday day time. We've never gone to one (we're Christian). What's it like? Someone told me like a wedding. I plan on taking my daughter. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Were you invited as friends of the parents? Colleagues? Or was your daughter invited to a friend's? If the former, treat it like a wedding in multiples of $18.

[Anonymous]

Please tell me your daughter was invited.

[Anonymous]

Non Jewish person here. If only your child is invited (classmates bar or bat mitzvah) give money in multiples of 18. So we gave $36. So for two people I would double it. Or you can be generous and give $180, depending on how fancy it is going to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you invited as friends of the parents? Colleagues? Or was your daughter invited to a friend's? If the former, treat it like a wedding in multiples of $18.

You mean $13, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you invited as friends of the parents? Colleagues? Or was your daughter invited to a friend's? If the former, treat it like a wedding in multiples of $18.

You mean $13, right?

No, it's $18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you invited as friends of the parents? Colleagues? Or was your daughter invited to a friend's? If the former, treat it like a wedding in multiples of $18.

You mean $13, right?

NP. 18 not 13.

[Anonymous]

Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

I'm sure you feel really good about yourself. All the money I got from my bat mitzvah went towards paying for college. My two godsisters, 15 and 17, gave me a gold bracelet. My parents gave me two gold bracelets. Everyone else gave me a check. I still have my college education, but two of the three bracelets have since been lost, 25 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Years ago, I spent a little more than avg for my daughter's friend. I think it was about $25 (usually I give a $15 gift card. Under no circumstance, did I plan to give cash. The boy's dad is a journalist and the mom is a lawyer. I am a high school educator. The parents sent word through friends that cash is the norm. I already knew that but refused.

Why would you refuse to participate in a traditional manner? When in Rome, you know...

[Anonymous]

$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

Ridiculous. Just because the parents choose to have a lavish (some would say garish) celebration for a 13 year old, does not mean that you have to subsidize it. This is supposed to be a religious celebration. Both weddings and bar mitzvahs have gotten completely out of hand. Give what feels right for you (in multiples of 18).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

Ridiculous. Just because the parents choose to have a lavish (some would say garish) celebration for a 13 year old, does not mean that you have to subsidize it. This is supposed to be a religious celebration. Both weddings and bar mitzvahs have gotten completely out of hand. Give what feels right for you (in multiples of 18).

It feels right to me to give around $100, given that my bat mitzvah was in 1990 and nobody gave me less than $50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$18 dollars! Barmitzvah a are like weddings these days! Definitely $180pp at least for a night occasion.

Ridiculous. Just because the parents choose to have a lavish (some would say garish) celebration for a 13 year old, does not mean that you have to subsidize it. This is supposed to be a religious celebration. Both weddings and bar mitzvahs have gotten completely out of hand. Give what feels right for you (in multiples of 18).

It feels right to me to give around $100, given that my bat mitzvah was in 1990 and nobody gave me less than $50.

If we were going to a classmate's confirmation or eighth grade "graduation" we would give a standard $25.00 cash gift or gift card. Keeping in that budget range while respecting the 18 tradition, we plan to give $36.00 for my kid's classmate's bar mitzvah. More than that for an acquaintance kid feels excessive.

[Anonymous]

We give $180 to direct family, $144 to family and close friends. $72 if our child is going to a friends (without us.)