Am I wrong for having an affair with a married man?

[Anonymous]

I also think this sounds like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

If you really can't wrap your brain around why it's wrong then nothing we say will mske any difference.

What about the very fundamental "do unto others" golden rule thing? It doesn't seem that you live your life by that so I don't know that I will waste my energy trying to explain something that you should just know and feel innately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also think this sounds like a troll.

You're right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

OP, why did you post your question?

[Anonymous]

It's not as simple as who took vows and who didn't. You are involved in something that hurts another person. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

OP, you seem very self-centered ... not surprisingly. "I'm happy, I'm not the one who took vows." I suppose that's how you got to be a 40 year old who never married and thinks nothing of having an affair with a married man.

If you could think past the end of your own little bubble, you would realize the damage this is doing, and your part in keeping it alive. Your shack-up took vows to another woman, establishing a union supported by the state and, possibly, the church. There are reasons that marriage vows are legal contracts, and are in place for the good of society. You really can't see how making that fall apart is destructive to people beyond yourself?

OP here. I don't want to be married. I like my independence. I think many of my married women friends frequently wish they had my freedom.

Have all the independence you want but stop fucking married men. This man is obviously his wife's husband and may also be a child's father (is he?), and your participation in an affair threatens devastation to all those people who look up to him as something other than the low life cheat he is. I'm personally less bothered by the affair itself than the fact that you possess the moral depravity to not see it as being unequivocally wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP - try to put yourself in the wife's shoes. she has probably been with her husband for 30 years. She obviously loves him and has built a home with him. The probably have children and maybe grandchildren. They are an established family. They share a history and a family. they share their day to day lives.

It is not okay to tear their family apart. It is not okay for the husband to deceive his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

Have you talked with his wife about it? If not, then you are deceiving someone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I have to say I am really shocked by all the responses saying I'm wrong. I just don't see it that way. I haven't taken any vows or made any promises to anyone. His wife's feelings are not my concern. I don't think she knows about us, since we are secretive. I don't care if he leaves his wife or not. It's probably better for me if he doesn't leave her, because that gives me some independence and free time.

However, since I asked for opinions, I'm going to give it some thought.

You are complicit in the deception of his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a never-been-married 40 year old woman and I've been in an affair with a 55 year old married man for 3 years. I'm happy. I love him, he loves me, sex is great, non-sex time is great. I don't want anything to change. Several of my closest women friends have told me they think I am wrong for being involved with a married guy. I say, "I'm not the one who took the vows. I'm not deceiving anyone." Should I re-think this?

If he wasn't able to be intimate with someone while married he would divorce. that may be worse for his DW than an affair. none of us know.

Way to rationalize. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Op I agree with you that the wife is not really your concern. I think women who blame the other woman are stupid, she's not cheating the dude is cheating. We put the blame on the cheating partner because it's easier and an outlet for the natural jealousy. I don't think you can fooll yourself into thinking is as morally neutral as buying a gallon of milk though. You know what he's doing is wrong and you're playing along. I think it's like being the schoolyard bully's friend. You're not the bully but you're kind of being passively complicit. I personally would feel too guilty to do this because I'd have empathy for the wife (like how I'd go back to the cashier of they accidentally have me way too much change or something). I'm not doing the harm but being so adjacent to it would make me feel dirty.

[Anonymous]

My husband had an affair and I was devastated. You are right, the other woman did not say vows to me, my husband did. However, she should have the decency to not destroy a family. I always wonder how she could look at herself on the mirror and not be disgusted with herself.
OP - you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You lack morals and integrity. Karma never loses an address. I hope it bites you in the ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband had an affair and I was devastated. You are right, the other woman did not say vows to me, my husband did. However, she should have the decency to not destroy a family. I always wonder how she could look at herself on the mirror and not be disgusted with herself.
OP - you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You lack morals and integrity. Karma never loses an address. I hope it bites you in the ass.

Not OP but the PP right before your post.

The problem with this logic is that it assumes the marriage wasnt destroyed when your husband make the mental leap to being ok with cheating on you. It could have been with anyone and the marriage would still be broken. She didn't destroy your family, your husband did. She certainly didn't help so it's not like you should like her or anything but she was just the tool he used to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband had an affair and I was devastated. You are right, the other woman did not say vows to me, my husband did. However, she should have the decency to not destroy a family. I always wonder how she could look at herself on the mirror and not be disgusted with herself.
OP - you are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You lack morals and integrity. Karma never loses an address. I hope it bites you in the ass.

Not OP but the PP right before your post.

The problem with this logic is that it assumes the marriage wasnt destroyed when your husband make the mental leap to being ok with cheating on you. It could have been with anyone and the marriage would still be broken. She didn't destroy your family, your husband did. She certainly didn't help so it's not like you should like her or anything but she was just the tool he used to do it.

I am the PP and I would agree with you to some degree. The breakdown in the marriage is partially my fault, however, I was in the same marriage and did not cheat because I have integrity and morals. She could have been any two bit whore who came along. My point is that I would never sleep with a married man because unlike the OP, I possess compassion and empathy for others so I could never knowingly hurt another person the way I have been hurt. At the end of the day, I have to face myself. So OP, you suck

[Anonymous]

Don't do unto others what you don't want them to do to you. One day you may want to be married and find yourself in your affair partner's wife position and you will know how much it hurts. So, with your independence, you want to finish your life alone? Because obviously you don't want him to leave his wife for you (and he probably will never do that), and at some point he may just come to his senses and end that foolish affair he has with you, then what? You would have wasted 3 or more years of your life in a dead end relationship? Is that even a life? I pray you get some humanity in you and may God help you understand the foolishness of your actions and words. And I hope you find a single man that you want to spend your life with, but also who may be able to give your independence.