s/o what warrants a spanking in your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel that spanking creates a scared child, and later that fear comes out as anger.

That certainly wasn't the case for me, my siblings, or my DH or his siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked once after TWO HOURS of trying to put DC in time-out, him getting up and running away, me carrying him back, him getting up and running away, etc.

Me too. That's the rule. If you get out of time out, you get a spanking. (starting around age 4)

They also get spankings for running across the street, hitting me, and hitting a sibling.

I don't do it out of anger. I don't really get angry, and I don't think I have ever gotten angry with my kids, but sometimes I have other shit to do besides put my 4 y/o in time out again and again.

Why would you spank your child for hitting? The punishment for hitting is hitting? That doesn't make sense and it seems to contradict the lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spanked once after TWO HOURS of trying to put DC in time-out, him getting up and running away, me carrying him back, him getting up and running away, etc.

Me too. That's the rule. If you get out of time out, you get a spanking. (starting around age 4)

They also get spankings for running across the street, hitting me, and hitting a sibling.

I don't do it out of anger. I don't really get angry, and I don't think I have ever gotten angry with my kids, but sometimes I have other shit to do besides put my 4 y/o in time out again and again.

Why would you spank your child for hitting? The punishment for hitting is hitting? That doesn't make sense and it seems to contradict the lesson.

The lesson is to control your anger or you will be in serious trouble. Why do you think that my spanking contradicts that?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone read that chapter in Nurtureshock that references spanking? I read it several years ago so don't remember all the details. But basically, they found that spanking was associated with a bunch of negative outcomes--except when it came to African Americans.

Basically, the authors speculated that for white Americans, spanking was rarely used, and only used for what was considered a really bad transgression. Thus, more traumatic for the recipient kids. For AAs, spanking was used more routinely, in aggregate parents weren't as angry when doing it, and kids didn't feel as traumatized/ashamed/scared afterwards. (Of course, not every black or white parent will fit these generalizations.)

I'm not advocating on one side or another. If it matters, I'm biracial, and was spanked as a kid, but rarely, and only on my hand. My husband and I are health professionals and we also occasionally our preschooler (occasional spanks on the hand if she's really acting up, followed by a chat to ensure she knows what she did wrong and why she was spanked). Our daughter is a happy kid with a secure attachment, IMO, and I don't think she's any worse off for the hand swats every other month.

I don't condone spanking for all. I really think you have to know yourself, and know what your limits are. If either of us had even a bit of an anger problem, I think we'd by necessity need to swear off spanking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:safety violations. We've only spanked a handful of times (less than 5 for 2 kids). The last one was when my 5 yo went into the pool by herself, against my instructions. she's never done it again.

"Why do you not go into the pool by yourself?"
- "Because Mommy will beat me if I do."

I wonder if that's the lesson you wanted to teach...How about first getting over your own fear then sitting down calmly, explaining why it is dangerous, teaching your child how to swim safely and how to use the pool responsibly? I seriously don't get parents who think their spanking teaches anything but fear.

NP, but I would imagine the lesson was "Don't go into the pool by yourself."

If it takes a short time of fear to keep them alive, so be it.

NP

Wouldn't a more logical consequence be telling her that since she can't obey the pool safety rules, she isn't allowed to swim at all that day? One of my kids did the same thing & having to sit & do nothing while everyone else enjoyed the pool was enough to stop him from doing it again.

[Anonymous]

I don't spank my kids, but I was regularly spanked by my mom growing up. Her reasons for spanking were safety issues and major, major bad behavior (e.g., one time I drew a huge drawing in pen on the wall after repeatedly being told not to draw on the wall). I am not scarred at all by spankings and actually have no ill feelings towards my mom about the spankings. My memories of the spankings are not scary or upsetting. But I think everyone and every situation is individual - my mom spanked just with her hand (no belts, etc. - where I grew up, that was considered getting whipped) and it honestly didn't hurt. Most everyone I knew growing up was spanked occasionally, so it was kind of the norm and thus I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, my mom spanked me in public at least once - I remember grabbing a bunch of glass containers from a grocery store shelf while she was putting something in the cart and I dropped them, sending them crashing down and getting glass everywhere. She took me to the end of the aisle, checked that I was okay (no glass, cuts), and gave me a spanking right there. I am sure this would not be condoned these days, but that incident doesn't bug me. I knew people who were hit using belts, switches, etc., and we all thought that was abnormal and abusive.

So if I wasn't upset by spanking growing up, why don't I spank? My husband is against it so we agreed not to do it. We use time-outs, taking away privileges related to the bad behavior, etc.

This is such a polarizing topic, almost as bad as the breastfeeding v. formula debates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my kids, but I was regularly spanked by my mom growing up. Her reasons for spanking were safety issues and major, major bad behavior (e.g., one time I drew a huge drawing in pen on the wall after repeatedly being told not to draw on the wall). I am not scarred at all by spankings and actually have no ill feelings towards my mom about the spankings. My memories of the spankings are not scary or upsetting. But I think everyone and every situation is individual - my mom spanked just with her hand (no belts, etc. - where I grew up, that was considered getting whipped) and it honestly didn't hurt. Most everyone I knew growing up was spanked occasionally, so it was kind of the norm and thus I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, my mom spanked me in public at least once - I remember grabbing a bunch of glass containers from a grocery store shelf while she was putting something in the cart and I dropped them, sending them crashing down and getting glass everywhere. She took me to the end of the aisle, checked that I was okay (no glass, cuts), and gave me a spanking right there. I am sure this would not be condoned these days, but that incident doesn't bug me. I knew people who were hit using belts, switches, etc., and we all thought that was abnormal and abusive.

So if I wasn't upset by spanking growing up, why don't I spank? My husband is against it so we agreed not to do it. We use time-outs, taking away privileges related to the bad behavior, etc.

This is such a polarizing topic, almost as bad as the breastfeeding v. formula debates.

So your mother spanked you in public for accidentally breaking some containers? And you think this was okay? Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my kids, but I was regularly spanked by my mom growing up. Her reasons for spanking were safety issues and major, major bad behavior (e.g., one time I drew a huge drawing in pen on the wall after repeatedly being told not to draw on the wall). I am not scarred at all by spankings and actually have no ill feelings towards my mom about the spankings. My memories of the spankings are not scary or upsetting. But I think everyone and every situation is individual - my mom spanked just with her hand (no belts, etc. - where I grew up, that was considered getting whipped) and it honestly didn't hurt. Most everyone I knew growing up was spanked occasionally, so it was kind of the norm and thus I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, my mom spanked me in public at least once - I remember grabbing a bunch of glass containers from a grocery store shelf while she was putting something in the cart and I dropped them, sending them crashing down and getting glass everywhere. She took me to the end of the aisle, checked that I was okay (no glass, cuts), and gave me a spanking right there. I am sure this would not be condoned these days, but that incident doesn't bug me. I knew people who were hit using belts, switches, etc., and we all thought that was abnormal and abusive.

So if I wasn't upset by spanking growing up, why don't I spank? My husband is against it so we agreed not to do it. We use time-outs, taking away privileges related to the bad behavior, etc.

This is such a polarizing topic, almost as bad as the breastfeeding v. formula debates.

So your mother spanked you in public for accidentally breaking some containers? And you think this was okay? Wow.

"grabbing glasses" doesn't sound accidental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We rarely do, but if they are in their own zones and need to change coarse we use it for that. Just a swat on the but to get them to pay attention and realize the severity of the situation. It works for us so we do not care what others say about this. I do not like having to repeat myself a hundred times or yell, this helps with that.

Are you the Duggar Defender from the other thread? Same poor grammar and spelling. Not surprised.

[Anonymous]

We don't spank. I didn't think any normal middle class, educated parents did these days. Certainly no one I know would confess to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't spank. I didn't think any normal middle class, educated parents did these days. Certainly no one I know would confess to it.

We're educated and upper middle class, and we spank. We know a number of families who also will, to varying degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dangerous situations: Trying to take off from me when in a parking lot.

Screaming at the top of his lungs because he was mad. The single swat on his covered rear end got his attention. I suppose I could have tried my Grandmother's solution -- ice cold water thrown in his face.

This was years ago when spanking was still acceptable, and in some situations expected. Even his pediatrician recommended a single swat to get him to put an end to his immediate behavior, so we could move on to dealing with whatever the issue was. Flame away, at the time it was the advice given.

How many decades ago was this? My father was a pediatrician and very critical of parents who spanked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't spank. I didn't think any normal middle class, educated parents did these days. Certainly no one I know would confess to it.

We're educated and upper middle class, and we spank. We know a number of families who also will, to varying degrees.

Do you live in the DC area? We have 4 children, pre-teen on down to 3, and have known many families. Not one has ever admitted that they spanked their kids. Not one family.

[Anonymous]

We don't spank and won't - just not our style/temperament. But seriously, there seems to be a huge excess of melodrama on this thread. I think a painless pop on the butt after a safety violation is fine. Or something really egregious like a PP who said her son spit on her mother at her father's funeral. My mom gave me a few swats on the butt when I was really being bad and I am no worse off for it. I love my mom. Best mom ever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dangerous situations: Trying to take off from me when in a parking lot.

Screaming at the top of his lungs because he was mad. The single swat on his covered rear end got his attention. I suppose I could have tried my Grandmother's solution -- ice cold water thrown in his face.

This was years ago when spanking was still acceptable, and in some situations expected. Even his pediatrician recommended a single swat to get him to put an end to his immediate behavior, so we could move on to dealing with whatever the issue was. Flame away, at the time it was the advice given.

How many decades ago was this? My father was a pediatrician and very critical of parents who spanked.

My sister is a pediatrican who spanks right now.