s/o what warrants a spanking in your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't spank my kids, but I was regularly spanked by my mom growing up. Her reasons for spanking were safety issues and major, major bad behavior (e.g., one time I drew a huge drawing in pen on the wall after repeatedly being told not to draw on the wall). I am not scarred at all by spankings and actually have no ill feelings towards my mom about the spankings. My memories of the spankings are not scary or upsetting. But I think everyone and every situation is individual - my mom spanked just with her hand (no belts, etc. - where I grew up, that was considered getting whipped) and it honestly didn't hurt. Most everyone I knew growing up was spanked occasionally, so it was kind of the norm and thus I didn't think it was a big deal. In fact, my mom spanked me in public at least once - I remember grabbing a bunch of glass containers from a grocery store shelf while she was putting something in the cart and I dropped them, sending them crashing down and getting glass everywhere. She took me to the end of the aisle, checked that I was okay (no glass, cuts), and gave me a spanking right there. I am sure this would not be condoned these days, but that incident doesn't bug me. I knew people who were hit using belts, switches, etc., and we all thought that was abnormal and abusive.

So if I wasn't upset by spanking growing up, why don't I spank? My husband is against it so we agreed not to do it. We use time-outs, taking away privileges related to the bad behavior, etc.

This is such a polarizing topic, almost as bad as the breastfeeding v. formula debates.

So your mother spanked you in public for accidentally breaking some containers? And you think this was okay? Wow.

PP here. I don't really view it as an accident. I was told not to grab things and I intentionally went ahead and tried to grab some jars of pickles because I wanted them, and I couldn't handle them. So, I was basically defying my mom, who was trying to stop me from doing something dumb. And no, I am not traumatized by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dangerous situations: Trying to take off from me when in a parking lot.

Screaming at the top of his lungs because he was mad. The single swat on his covered rear end got his attention. I suppose I could have tried my Grandmother's solution -- ice cold water thrown in his face.

This was years ago when spanking was still acceptable, and in some situations expected. Even his pediatrician recommended a single swat to get him to put an end to his immediate behavior, so we could move on to dealing with whatever the issue was. Flame away, at the time it was the advice given.

How many decades ago was this? My father was a pediatrician and very critical of parents who spanked.

My sister is a pediatrican who spanks right now.

I really doubt it. Nice try though.

That child is now 24. PP you can doubt it if you need to, it doesn't change the facts. That pediatrician also believed in medicating every child suspected of having ADHD. No testing or confirmation required, just give them Ritalin.[/quote

Well, the spanking is wrong, but the medication thing is correct. Parents who refuse to medicate their children should have their children removed from their custody. It's cruel.

[Anonymous]

I am pregnant and don't have a kid yet but in my house spanking happened but extraordinarily rarely. Generally a result of a 'you just scared me to death' moments.

I suppose they were 'out of control' in those moments but there is something about seeing such fear in your parents eyes that convinces you that what you were doing really was dangerous. MUCH more convincing than 'sitting me down to talk to me about the rules of the pool' as some pp suggested. When used so sparingly it was very effective on us. And none of us feel traumatized by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dangerous situations: Trying to take off from me when in a parking lot.

Screaming at the top of his lungs because he was mad. The single swat on his covered rear end got his attention. I suppose I could have tried my Grandmother's solution -- ice cold water thrown in his face.

This was years ago when spanking was still acceptable, and in some situations expected. Even his pediatrician recommended a single swat to get him to put an end to his immediate behavior, so we could move on to dealing with whatever the issue was. Flame away, at the time it was the advice given.

How many decades ago was this? My father was a pediatrician and very critical of parents who spanked.

My sister is a pediatrican who spanks right now.

I really doubt it. Nice try though.

That child is now 24. PP you can doubt it if you need to, it doesn't change the facts. That pediatrician also believed in medicating every child suspected of having ADHD. No testing or confirmation required, just give them Ritalin.[/quote

Well, the spanking is wrong, but the medication thing is correct. Parents who refuse to medicate their children should have their children removed from their custody. It's cruel.

Doctors who medicate children without proper testing should have their licenses revoked. You seem to have misread the original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and don't have a kid yet but in my house spanking happened but extraordinarily rarely. Generally a result of a 'you just scared me to death' moments.

I suppose they were 'out of control' in those moments but there is something about seeing such fear in your parents eyes that convinces you that what you were doing really was dangerous. MUCH more convincing than 'sitting me down to talk to me about the rules of the pool' as some pp suggested. When used so sparingly it was very effective on us. And none of us feel traumatized by it.

You really think seeing the fear in a parents eyes and face, maybe their tears, getting yelled at, getting gripped hard by the arm and yanked away from the pool...all of that wouldn't be enough but the child also needs to be spanked? Yeah okay you have no clue how children's minds work then. It doesn't matter what the situation is there is ALWAYS another way. One that doesn't involve hitting an innocent child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom used to spank me with a wooden stick - one time it was metal because she couldn't find the wooden one. Oddly I really was a good obedient child who occasionally didn't replace the toilet paper or cleaned up my room, etc. I think she was dealing with a lot of anger of her own. I have always been terrified of her and used to think that I was adopted or was a child that my dad had from an affair, and that's why she hated me. Many of my depressed childhood daydreams were about running away or committing suicide (because then she'll be sorry - or happy that I'm gone). Years later I am still suffering from depression and it has always negatively affected my life and all of my relationships - might be why I have very disobedient kids. But still I will never spank them.

This is very different from a very occasional pop on the butt with a hand. this was abuse. A wooden STICK! a metal STICK! WTF.

Of course you are damaged from that - I sincerely hope that you have had lots of great counseling, and perhaps it would be good to enter counseling again.... especially if you feel that you can't have a strong and positive relationship with your children. Sounds like you don't - saying that you have "very disobedient kids" sounds like you've given up on them, and that's a horrible feeling for children, to feel that their parent has given up on the them.

I do hope that people realize that what this poster is describing is abuse, not the occasional spank for discipline.

When would I spank? Once in my life.... when the 3 yr old ran across the VERY BUSY, WIDE, residential street after I told her twice that I was almost finished speaking with Mrs. Jones and we'd go in a minute. She ran across the street - I caught up with her at the other side and spanked her butt up the hill to the house. then she sat in her room for a while.

[Anonymous]

I used to spank occasionally but DH implemented a no spanking policy. It is very good for stopping repeated, intentional misbehavior when nothing else seems to work. The kids are very good these days, and are even able to laugh at themselves after they throw a tantrum. I have seen plenty of kids who could probably have used spankings early in life who are now rude and out of control. Parents can be very good at ignoring bad behavior, I guess they get used to it.

[Anonymous]

We had a housemate whose girlfriend enjoyed spanking. Thank god they broke up! When I talked to him about it, he'd get this really screwy look on his face. He said he didn't enjoy it but did it because she'd ask him to. Turns out later she was quite the slut. Would hook up with random guys who days later would come by our house at 2 in the morning looking for her.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm, I don't know. What warrants your husband smacking you around a little?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm, I don't know. What warrants your husband smacking you around a little?

This line of reasoning is ridiculous and simple-minded. By your reasoning no parent should implement any punishment. After all, does your husband get to put you in time out? Take away electronics? Early bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm, I don't know. What warrants your husband smacking you around a little?

This line of reasoning is ridiculous and simple-minded. By your reasoning no parent should implement any punishment. After all, does your husband get to put you in time out? Take away electronics? Early bed?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm, I don't know. What warrants your husband smacking you around a little?

This line of reasoning is ridiculous and simple-minded. By your reasoning no parent should implement any punishment. After all, does your husband get to put you in time out? Take away electronics? Early bed?

Not ridiculous. It's about one human hitting another human that they are supposed to love.

[Anonymous]

I just don't understand how someone could justify hitting another human. and then when they say "well at least it's not in anger"...I'd almost rather it be in anger! Not that that would be good for the child but at least it would make more sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel that spanking creates a scared child, and later that fear comes out as anger.

That certainly wasn't the case for me, my siblings, or my DH or his siblings.

Not what from I've seen. On the other hand, I'm a child of abuse, and I refuse to raise a child to a child because I know that with my history, it's a slippery slope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a housemate whose girlfriend enjoyed spanking. Thank god they broke up! When I talked to him about it, he'd get this really screwy look on his face. He said he didn't enjoy it but did it because she'd ask him to. Turns out later she was quite the slut. Would hook up with random guys who days later would come by our house at 2 in the morning looking for her.

Hey, now. Many of us non-"sluts" enjoy spanking in a consentual adult relationship. And I wasn't hit as a child. The operative word here is "consentual."