s/o what warrants a spanking in your house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

This is why people need to post this stuff. You have actually changed my perspective on this. Thank you for sharing this.

See, if this story had ended with the poster saying "I knew that not only would he never hurt me but also that I never wanted to hurt him.." THEN I would think that his parenting had instilled a great lesson. Instead, the little girl learned, I've got my dad wrapped around my finger.

Note, my kids are too young for me to know if I'll ever spank. I hope not to but I did have to yell once in the last few weeks and it was awful (scared them and me) but they also haven't done that dangerous thing since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

This is why people need to post this stuff. You have actually changed my perspective on this. Thank you for sharing this.

See, if this story had ended with the poster saying "I knew that not only would he never hurt me but also that I never wanted to hurt him.." THEN I would think that his parenting had instilled a great lesson. Instead, the little girl learned, I've got my dad wrapped around my finger.

Note, my kids are too young for me to know if I'll ever spank. I hope not to but I did have to yell once in the last few weeks and it was awful (scared them and me) but they also haven't done that dangerous thing since.

How you seriously get that after reading PPs post is just very messed up and even twisted...wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm, I don't know. What warrants your husband smacking you around a little?

This line of reasoning is ridiculous and simple-minded. By your reasoning no parent should implement any punishment. After all, does your husband get to put you in time out? Take away electronics? Early bed?

Not ridiculous. It's about one human hitting another human that they are supposed to love.

it's called tough love. I don't agree with spanking for kids under 5, but when an 8 yr old repeatedly speaks disrespectfully to a parent, rolls their eyes at you when you are talking to them calmly, or ask them to do something, and no amount of privileges being taken away help... WHACK on the bottom worked fine.

Yes, I believe the tough love defense is being used daily in courts across America during domestic abuse trials, battery hearings, etc

LOL, and show me a case where that defense worked in court in such cases. Show me a case where a parent spanked a child on the bottom with the hand and was hauled into court. I'll help you.. there are none.

[Anonymous]

I would rather a spanking over a Mother who goes on, and on, and on about how disappointed she is, how much I've hurt her feelings, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was little my mother spanked me. Maybe just once or twice. But she would refer to it for years later as a fear tactic to get me to stop whatever behavior she was objecting to. it was one of the things that poisoned our relationship. I remember thinking that one day I would be bigger than her. And one day I was and that wasn't a tool that she had any more.

My father never spanked me. One day, after a nasty fight with my mother over something or other (I was 4 or 5), my father came home and my mother told him to take me in the other room and give me a spanking. So he took me in the other room and shut the door. He took off his belt and laid me across his knee. Then he put his hand over my bottom and whipped it. To my mother it must have sounded like a pretty good whipping. He stood me up and showed me his hand, which was red. "See how your behavior hurts your father?" I loved my father more than anything and that stuck with me. It's one of my very earliest memories. More effective than any spanking could have ever been.

My father and I were best friends for many, many years. I knew that not only would he never hurt me but he would take the pain for me if necessary.

This is why people need to post this stuff. You have actually changed my perspective on this. Thank you for sharing this.

See, if this story had ended with the poster saying "I knew that not only would he never hurt me but also that I never wanted to hurt him.." THEN I would think that his parenting had instilled a great lesson. Instead, the little girl learned, I've got my dad wrapped around my finger.

Note, my kids are too young for me to know if I'll ever spank. I hope not to but I did have to yell once in the last few weeks and it was awful (scared them and me) but they also haven't done that dangerous thing since.

I'm the PP and I simply don't understand how you make that leap. As it happens, I'm a guy and never thought that I had my father wrapped around my finger. What my father and I had was a lot of mutual trust and I think that his decision on that day was a big part of building that trust. No one felt like he was taking advantage of the other.

[Anonymous]

Did your father ever actually spank you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather a spanking over a Mother who goes on, and on, and on about how disappointed she is, how much I've hurt her feelings, etc.

I agree, and this is actually one of the reasons spanking is ineffective discipline. When a kid does something wrong and gets spanked, they've gotten their punishment and the slate is wiped clean. They don't have to feel any guilt or reflect on what they did. Much better to impose logical consequences so they understand the impact of their misbehavior, like making them stay out of the pool for the rest of the day if they got in without permission. Or making them pay for the pickle jars they shattered out of their allowance and/or write a note of apology to the store.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your father ever actually spank you?

No. Never.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rather a spanking over a Mother who goes on, and on, and on about how disappointed she is, how much I've hurt her feelings, etc.

I agree, and this is actually one of the reasons spanking is ineffective discipline. When a kid does something wrong and gets spanked, they've gotten their punishment and the slate is wiped clean. They don't have to feel any guilt or reflect on what they did. Much better to impose logical consequences so they understand the impact of their misbehavior, like making them stay out of the pool for the rest of the day if they got in without permission. Or making them pay for the pickle jars they shattered out of their allowance and/or write a note of apology to the store.

I disagree with your conclusions. One of the reasons that I think spanking is a good form of punishment IS because the slate is wiped clean and you don't spend the whole day or week with the revocation of privileges or whatever the alternative is. But that's not to say that the child doesn't reflect on what they did, to the extent that such reflection is even desirable. More importantly, there is sufficient aversion to receiving future spankings that they will tend to control their behavior in the future, which is the ultimate goal (not guilt).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your father ever actually spank you?

No. Never.

Also a DH. Mine did. Not all that hard. Never with a belt or anything else. Usually over a knee, like you said. It stung, but that was about it. It was effective at correcting behavior.

I think he was (and is) an exceptionally good father, so I'm OK doing the same with my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pregnant and don't have a kid yet but in my house spanking happened but extraordinarily rarely. Generally a result of a 'you just scared me to death' moments.

I suppose they were 'out of control' in those moments but there is something about seeing such fear in your parents eyes that convinces you that what you were doing really was dangerous. MUCH more convincing than 'sitting me down to talk to me about the rules of the pool' as some pp suggested. When used so sparingly it was very effective on us. And none of us feel traumatized by it.

You really think seeing the fear in a parents eyes and face, maybe their tears, getting yelled at, getting gripped hard by the arm and yanked away from the pool...all of that wouldn't be enough but the child also needs to be spanked? Yeah okay you have no clue how children's minds work then. It doesn't matter what the situation is there is ALWAYS another way. One that doesn't involve hitting an innocent child.

Well I'm talking about my personal experience as a child and my thought prices as I recall it. Something I'm pretty sure I'm more an expert on than you.

The point is that you haven't gotten what you need to understand without getting hit. That does not mean there was no other way it just means your parents didn't use that other way. That's not quite the same now is it?

There were plenty of things I understood. As I said this happened very rarely. There was a uniqueness to the spanking that alerted me that I had really really terrified my parents. I don't really think true terror can be conveyed through calm conversation. I'm sure there are other methods than spanking but that worked in our house. I also don't think I was innocent in those moments. I had done something really bad!

Every parent has a breaking point when they freak out a bit. Whether that manifests through spanking or yelling or whatever it happens. Or you're a robot. Seeing your parents freak out (if its rare and tied to something serious) is definitely valuable in my opinion. It prepares kids for the real world!

[Anonymous]

I would say some of these kids could've used a good whack on the bottom earlier on in their lives

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/reliable-source/wp/2015/05/27/tony-chevy-chase-club-to-parents-your-kids-are-brats/?hpid=z4

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rather a spanking over a Mother who goes on, and on, and on about how disappointed she is, how much I've hurt her feelings, etc.

omg yes!
spanking is efficient, not only for parents but also for children.