Raising older teens is challenging

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would I have thought my kid would be into pot, but he is.

Ditto, heroin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

You are so, so, so startlingly offensive.

Even if heroin mom could have parented better (and for all we know, she was superb), she doesn't need to hear from the likes of you.

What are we struggling with? Mostly normal crap, and my child was, and continues to be, very well parented.

[Anonymous]

For those of you having trouble with drinking & drugs, do you think the school contributes? Are you in public or private????

[Anonymous]

Here's a nice post that touches on these issues. Just remember: you (we) are not alone!

http://www.homesanctuary.com/rachelanne/2014/02/dear-lonely-mom-of-older-kids.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you having trouble with drinking & drugs, do you think the school contributes? Are you in public or private????

I think it happens in both. Not all do it, but it really is very, very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16 year-terrible grades, terrible (nonexistent?) study skills, blames everyone but himself for anything that goes wrong. Very oppositional!! Many tears (privately of course) have been shed over this boy. However, there has been some improvement in his attitude over the last few months.

Oh My!! This is my DD16 exactly. Right now just praying that she gets into college somewhere!

Yay, I'm not alone! But not yay that you are going through this too. I think he may end up in community college for a year or two to start.

[Anonymous]

My Straight-A kid was perfect until he wasn't. It happened in an instant. Now we are researching rehabs and not Ivys. I never believed it would happen to him. Too good of a head on his shoulders, I thought. I was wrong. Don't sit back and judge too quickly. It happens more than you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

Let me guess, your oldest is 10?

[Anonymous]

DD17 left home last week. We know where she is and she is safe. But she's not going to school. School is aware of what is going on but they said if she doesn't attend, she won't graduate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never in a million years would I have thought my kid would be into pot, but he is.

Ditto, heroin.

God. I'm sorry, PP. Sending good thoughts your way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Straight-A kid was perfect until he wasn't. It happened in an instant. Now we are researching rehabs and not Ivys. I never believed it would happen to him. Too good of a head on his shoulders, I thought. I was wrong. Don't sit back and judge too quickly. It happens more than you know.

Hugs to you. He's lucky to have parents that will find him the help he needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

You are so, so, so startlingly offensive.

Even if heroin mom could have parented better (and for all we know, she was superb), she doesn't need to hear from the likes of you.

What are we struggling with? Mostly normal crap, and my child was, and continues to be, very well parented.

When I first read this, I thought you had misspelled "heroine," but I realize now you are talking about the PP whose teen is using heroin.

But you know, I think I was right the first time. That PP *is* a heroine for facing her teen's drug problem. It is damn hard work, maybe the hardest thing she will ever do. Hell, we are all heroines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a support group for this kind of stuff? Just so stressful here. Ugh!!!!

A friend of mine has taken a few PEP classes/workshops on parenting teens and swears by them.

http://pepparent.org/classes-programs/parenting-teens/

[Anonymous]

Heroin Mom here. (Has a ring to it, doesn't it?)

Part private, part public. Could have been a factor but dunno--two user friends were from an extremely competitive private.

Adolescence was very unkind to DC. A most unfortunate confluence of mental and physical health problems.

Not a helicopter Mom. There was no TV at all during the week. Kids did not have video games, Gameboy, etc. Intact family, ate dinner together. Weekends were filled with outdoor outings, museum trips, etc. Admit to no spanking.

But none of these things are a guarantee a child with challenges like mine won't fall off the edge come adolescence.

Recovered and very active in anti-drug outreach. Would be Ivy Mom, if you have rehabilitation questions, ask away. It can get better.

[Anonymous]

Mine is is smoking pot. I have no proof, but my gut tells me it might be more than just on weekends and I am afraid he may get into other drugs. Doesn't talk to me anymore.