Raising older teens is challenging

[Anonymous]

wow, i find real comfort that so many people are dealing with similar challenges. I feel like i can't talk to anyone about these things, especially depression.

[Anonymous]

They are almost adults - that is the main issue. You cannot treat them like children but you cannot treat them like adults either. It is such a fine line to walk everyday as a parent.

[Anonymous]

16 year-terrible grades, terrible (nonexistent?) study skills, blames everyone but himself for anything that goes wrong. Very oppositional!! Many tears (privately of course) have been shed over this boy. However, there has been some improvement in his attitude over the last few months.

[Anonymous]

I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

It's way too simple to say that all the parents here are guilty of helicopter/snowplow/buddy-system parenting. It may be true in some but certainly not all cases.

Also going on are:
1. Teen is separating from parents
2. Teen is influenced by peers
3. Hormonal changes
4. Major brain changes that lower serotonin
5. Incredible stress in high schools these days re getting into college
6. Social and media pressure to experiment with drugs, sexually, et cetera is greater than it was in our day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just plain miss the sweet guy who used to tell me everything.

He will be back! Not exactly the same but in a new, mature form

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

You are in for a rude awakening, unless you are cool with drinking underage and smoking pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

You are in for a rude awakening, unless you are cool with drinking underage and smoking pot.

NP here. I think you got that backwards.

At any rate, I think its normal to second-guess the choices we make as parents. Its certainly been tough figuring this whole parenting thing on the fly. I wish I'd kept the instruction manual they gave me at the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year-terrible grades, terrible (nonexistent?) study skills, blames everyone but himself for anything that goes wrong. Very oppositional!! Many tears (privately of course) have been shed over this boy. However, there has been some improvement in his attitude over the last few months.

Oh My!! This is my DD16 exactly. Right now just praying that she gets into college somewhere!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

the paddle stick?

That is one of the stupidest things I have read on DCUM. You are saying that if you had beat your child with a stick things would now be so much better? Yes, because violence is always the way to enhance relationships and communication.

How about just trying to talk with your kids, see them as real people? Not solve all their problems but be a consistent and loving presence in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

You are in for a rude awakening, unless you are cool with drinking underage and smoking pot.

NP here. I think you got that backwards.

At any rate, I think its normal to second-guess the choices we make as parents. Its certainly been tough figuring this whole parenting thing on the fly. I wish I'd kept the instruction manual they gave me at the hospital.

I think the 1.2.3. poster has it backwards.

[Anonymous]

Is there a support group for this kind of stuff? Just so stressful here. Ugh!!!!

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this thread, it's like therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many of these problems would have been solved if parents had done a few things better when the kids were younger...

1. Be parents (not buddies)
2. Be disciplined (brought out the paddle stick from time to time)
3. Be free-range (Opposite of helicopter: allow their kids to explore, get hurt, get injured, take risks, gain some independence and street smarts, learn from mistakes, etc.)


So how many of you are now admitting quietly to yourself, "Well, crap! I tried to be her buddy. I didn't dare to discipline. And I am still blaming her teacher and her boss at Starbucks, etc. for not treating my princess how she deserves to be treated."

I was waiting for someone to come on and judge us for our kids' struggles. You do this because you want to demonstrate to yourself that these things could never happen to your child (because you hit them? Good Lord). Those other parents screwed up in some way,but not me. My kids will be fine. I thought that too, until it happened to my kid. We have a very strong family history of depression and i think it was inevitable. Fortunately by hitting the wall at a young age, DC got help and is probably better equipped to deal with this in the future.

I was not my DC's buddy. I used discipline (though I never hit). I gave DC independence in many ways. So, nice try. The brain over rides all these things. Meaning, your children are not safe.

[Anonymous]

Never in a million years would I have thought my kid would be into pot, but he is.