Anniversary dinner tonight ...should I tell DH I want to leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what drew you to him initially? Why did you fall in love?

He was always very smart, hard-working, lots of fun. A young man with very bright future. Life of a party. Only as years passed, I also saw him as a huge snob (basically, anyone w/o a PhD or MD is an idiot) and someone lacking self-esteem when it came to his career. Don't get me wrong, he's a great provider but he's always doubting himself, it's very annoying. Even when he's constantly reassured that he's doing a great job, he's still questioning his actions.

Ah, so you married the DH who would make more money. Now that you are 15 years in, it's time to ring the alimony bell while kids still young.

Nice touch doing it on anniversary dinner, are you bringing your giant countdown clock?

Did the OP say she was an SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Total dick move, especially when you haven't even made any effort at counseling. Sure, it still may not be salvaged, but at least you'd be able to look your kids in the eye and say you did everything to avoid turning their world upside down.

Require more of yourself OP, if only for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I could write everything that OP has said. It's a horrible feeling. I wouldn't tell him at an anniversary dinner. It seems mean. Don't you think he feels the same? I don't have answers or my situation would be better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm with you. But I feel like I can't split up until I try everything possible to bring it back. I'm a child of divorce, and it has damaged me. I can't do that to my kids. I'll fake it for a lifetime if need be. If there's no abuse or dishonesty or serious wrongdoing, you have to keep trying. Counseling, books, couples retreats, date nights, finding a hobby together, anything. Don't just check out.

OP: no physical abuse, but occasional verbal abuse from both sides, behind many-many closed doors and out of the kids' earshot. I hate our date nights, I'm tired of acting like I truly enjoy him being by my side. I dread weekends because I don't want to go places with him. Generally, I try to avoid him as much as possible. As far as hobbies - we simply don't have much in common. He's not into fitness, I am not into garage bands.

You want a divorce just because he likes to be reassured and has some self doubt? It must be more than that. Nobody could want a divorce for such a small reason. You say "I don't want to go places with him". Is that because somehow he embarrasses you? Or the places he likes to go are boring? I don't know... this is just too strange to be real. Surely there must be more to it than this?

[Anonymous]

I never call troll. I just don't see how you can write the title and not stop to think it is absurd. An anniversary dinner is not ever the time to say that.

FWIW, I think some effort might be helpful, to see if anything can be rekindled, but either way ---- not at / on an anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you tried to actively check back in?

This. It takes work. Put in effort before you throw it away.

Couldn't agree more. It is mean as hell to consider asking for a divorce on your anniversary. Jeez, lady.

[Anonymous]

Considering the stuff written here about husbands, I'm not surprised in the least to read a wife asking for a divorce on an anniversary. Ranks right up there with my husband doesn't make enough money for me so I'm thinking of divorcing him.

ME ME ME 24/7.

[Anonymous]

If you do it, you better have the money to pay the check at the end of dinner. Tip well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what drew you to him initially? Why did you fall in love?

He was always very smart, hard-working, lots of fun. A young man with very bright future. Life of a party. Only as years passed, I also saw him as a huge snob (basically, anyone w/o a PhD or MD is an idiot) and someone lacking self-esteem when it came to his career. Don't get me wrong, he's a great provider but he's always doubting himself, it's very annoying. Even when he's constantly reassured that he's doing a great job, he's still questioning his actions.

Ah, so you married the DH who would make more money. Now that you are 15 years in, it's time to ring the alimony bell while kids still young.

Nice touch doing it on anniversary dinner, are you bringing your giant countdown clock?

Did the OP say she was an SAHM?

80% of why she fell in love with him was his career potential and her biggest complaint is that he is not living up to her vision.

No WOHM who make equal or more than her DH would call him a "provider".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Considering the stuff written here about husbands, I'm not surprised in the least to read a wife asking for a divorce on an anniversary. Ranks right up there with my husband doesn't make enough money for me so I'm thinking of divorcing him.

ME ME ME 24/7.

Not one woman in that thread was thinking of leaving their husband because of his inability to earn more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sometimes therapy is a waste of time and money.

And sometimes it works. There's no telling whether it will help or be a waste without trying. And basically OP has stated that she hasn't even tried. Keeping a happy, healthy marriage is hard work and from the sounds of it, OP has not done any work to try and keep the marriage going, just let it run its course and not helped it along and now wants to just dissolve the marriage without even trying. She owes her children at least the minimal amount of effort to try to salvage the marriage. If they do counseling and both make an effort, but really can't get closer to where they were, then yes, divorce seems right, but to just give up without trying is an injustice to her children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Considering the stuff written here about husbands, I'm not surprised in the least to read a wife asking for a divorce on an anniversary. Ranks right up there with my husband doesn't make enough money for me so I'm thinking of divorcing him.

ME ME ME 24/7.

Not one woman in that thread was thinking of leaving their husband because of his inability to earn more money.

I said it ranks up there with the other thread. Pay attention.


http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/455612.page

[Anonymous]

TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Don't feed the troll.

[Anonymous]

So OP how did hh take the news