Anniversary dinner tonight ...should I tell DH I want to leave?
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Anonymous
| 15 years of marriage, both of us have been emotionally checked out...just not interested in each other any more. We only communicate when it's about the kids. I've been wanting to talk to him for quite some time but it's like he's avoiding to bring up the subject. We have a vacation coming up and I just don't want to go with him. I can't think about lying in bed together or taking pictures all smiling and acting happy. Our sons are oblivious and honestly think we are the perfect family, it'll crush them. I just can't keep this all inside anymore. WWYD? |
Anonymous
| Age of kids? |
Anonymous
| Have you tried to actively check back in? |
Anonymous
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I would say tonight, i think we're in trouble and need some help. And tomorrow I'd book an appointment with a marriage therapist.
it's easy to get sucked into daily life with youngish kids (assuming yours are younger than 15). You just need to shake it off, force yourselves to interact more outside of being mom and dad, and rebuild your relationship. |
Anonymous
10 and 8 |
Anonymous
This. It takes work. Put in effort before you throw it away. |
Anonymous
How do you do that when everytime DH touches me I cringe? I mean, I can't physically stand him. |
Anonymous
I think based on the time you've already got invested in this marriage and your kids, you owe it to yourselves to make a concerted effort. It may not work out, but many people are able to bring the spark back to the marriage. |
Anonymous
I was there. I get it. It took time, effort, a lot of honestly, and now we cuddle again. Try it. |
Anonymous
Well ,that is a problem, but you just didn't wake up one day and dislike him. I mean you married him and had kids for a reason. I am one of those people who think you owe it to your kids to put in maximum effort to stay together. From what you've said, I see no effort. So try something. That something might be a little time apart, but good grief, don't your kids deserve more than well, I think I'm done? |
Anonymous
Well, obviously it's going to be harder because clearly you've let this fester way, way, WAY too long. Part of your counseling should be exploring what has been going on with you both, as individuals and as a couple that would let things get to such a low point without being able to have some open communication and address it? |
Anonymous
How do you know that that can't change if you don't try to change it. Therapy is a good first step. It will let you know if change is possible. If not, you can always divorce. |
Anonymous
| Instead of announcing you want to leave tonight, why not start the evening reminiscing about the good and even great times. Then, like a PP mentioned, have an honest talk about the relationship being in trouble and trying to get help. Marriage is hard work but it's worth trying that hard for yourselves and your kids. |
Anonymous
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Sometimes therapy is a waste of time and money. |
Anonymous
| I'm with you. But I feel like I can't split up until I try everything possible to bring it back. I'm a child of divorce, and it has damaged me. I can't do that to my kids. I'll fake it for a lifetime if need be. If there's no abuse or dishonesty or serious wrongdoing, you have to keep trying. Counseling, books, couples retreats, date nights, finding a hobby together, anything. Don't just check out. |