How to approach a friend in total denial

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this isn't some failure to launch story or someone who is clinically depressed...

OP said he had multitude of mental health issues, including possible schizophrenia... If he presented as a danger to himself or others than an intervention would be absolutely necessary.

Other than that, it is something THEY need to navigate and you need to BUTT out of cause you have no idea. Saying something like you are thinking could END your friendship since you don't realize how insensitive you are coming off and don't get how hard this most be for them.

If they had an adult child with Down syndrome living with them would you say the same thing?

Agree. OP has no idea. Butt out. I had a cousin with severe paranoid schizophrenia and a best friend whose schizophrenic sister currently in her 40ties has been living with her and her family ever since their parents died 20+ yrs ago. Be supportive to their younger son but it really isn't your place to suggest that their older son should be sent into a residential program. Butt out!

[Anonymous]

I will not elaborate on my personal experience with mental illness but a close family member suffered many years started at around 20 and peaked at about 25.
My parents were not in denial but they refused to accept how grave his situation was. Until my aunt, my moms sister stepped in (she worked in that field). She took a very tough stand against them and really called them out on what they were refusing to see. Meanwhile all of my parents friends took this hushed approach where they were really nice to them in front of them but you could hear those hushed whispers a mile away. No one had the balls to come and tell them what they really needed to hear.

In the end, they agreed to send him to intensive therapy (in patient which eventually insurance covered about 80% of) My mom in the meantime refused to talk to her sister the very one who ignited this change for 2 long years.

Only after he came away almost a new person did she finally realize she owed it all to my aunt. I am all for someone speaking if you see something truly destructive- you owe it to the people you care about as long as its done with love and compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this isn't some failure to launch story or someone who is clinically depressed...

OP said he had multitude of mental health issues, including possible schizophrenia... If he presented as a danger to himself or others than an intervention would be absolutely necessary.

Other than that, it is something THEY need to navigate and you need to BUTT out of cause you have no idea. Saying something like you are thinking could END your friendship since you don't realize how insensitive you are coming off and don't get how hard this most be for them.

If they had an adult child with Down syndrome living with them would you say the same thing?

Agree. OP has no idea. Butt out. I had a cousin with severe paranoid schizophrenia and a best friend whose schizophrenic sister currently in her 40ties has been living with her and her family ever since their parents died 20+ yrs ago. Be supportive to their younger son but it really isn't your place to suggest that their older son should be sent into a residential program. Butt out!

Could not disagree more. If she sees a change that can be made, and truly believes encouraging him to go to inpatient therapy can help this kid, why shouldn't she speak up? If she is that good of a friend, YES IT IS HER BUSINESS if she genuinely cares about this person and her family's well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will not elaborate on my personal experience with mental illness but a close family member suffered many years started at around 20 and peaked at about 25.
My parents were not in denial but they refused to accept how grave his situation was. Until my aunt, my moms sister stepped in (she worked in that field). She took a very tough stand against them and really called them out on what they were refusing to see. Meanwhile all of my parents friends took this hushed approach where they were really nice to them in front of them but you could hear those hushed whispers a mile away. No one had the balls to come and tell them what they really needed to hear.

In the end, they agreed to send him to intensive therapy (in patient which eventually insurance covered about 80% of) My mom in the meantime refused to talk to her sister the very one who ignited this change for 2 long years.

Only after he came away almost a new person did she finally realize she owed it all to my aunt. I am all for someone speaking if you see something truly destructive- you owe it to the people you care about as long as its done with love and compassion.

You realize there isn't a "cure"for schizophrenia. It isn't like depression and therapy will not do squat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this isn't some failure to launch story or someone who is clinically depressed...

OP said he had multitude of mental health issues, including possible schizophrenia... If he presented as a danger to himself or others than an intervention would be absolutely necessary.

Other than that, it is something THEY need to navigate and you need to BUTT out of cause you have no idea. Saying something like you are thinking could END your friendship since you don't realize how insensitive you are coming off and don't get how hard this most be for them.

If they had an adult child with Down syndrome living with them would you say the same thing?

Agree. OP has no idea. Butt out. I had a cousin with severe paranoid schizophrenia and a best friend whose schizophrenic sister currently in her 40ties has been living with her and her family ever since their parents died 20+ yrs ago. Be supportive to their younger son but it really isn't your place to suggest that their older son should be sent into a residential program. Butt out!

Could not disagree more. If she sees a change that can be made, and truly believes encouraging him to go to inpatient therapy can help this kid, why shouldn't she speak up? If she is that good of a friend, YES IT IS HER BUSINESS if she genuinely cares about this person and her family's well being.

It does not sound like OP knows anything about schizophenia. The family probably already has an army of doctors for their son who do... So instead of giving advice on something she has zero experience about OP can be supportive by refraining from giving advice about treatment and providing useful support like inviting the younger son over more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will not elaborate on my personal experience with mental illness but a close family member suffered many years started at around 20 and peaked at about 25.
My parents were not in denial but they refused to accept how grave his situation was. Until my aunt, my moms sister stepped in (she worked in that field). She took a very tough stand against them and really called them out on what they were refusing to see. Meanwhile all of my parents friends took this hushed approach where they were really nice to them in front of them but you could hear those hushed whispers a mile away. No one had the balls to come and tell them what they really needed to hear.

In the end, they agreed to send him to intensive therapy (in patient which eventually insurance covered about 80% of) My mom in the meantime refused to talk to her sister the very one who ignited this change for 2 long years.

Only after he came away almost a new person did she finally realize she owed it all to my aunt. I am all for someone speaking if you see something truly destructive- you owe it to the people you care about as long as its done with love and compassion.

Luckily your family could receive services, OP stated they have explored their options, this is not the same... Also your Aunt was the bad guy, and if the outcome had been different she could have lost a relationship with her sister forever, this is not a black and white easy answer for everyone solution. in fact, there will be no happy ending for OPs friend...

[Anonymous]

No matter what it is a very difficult situation. As a friend you need to walk a fine line between being there unconditionally and understanding or trying at least how hard it is and offering heartfelt felt advice that will not make it sound like you are judging her for her choices.

Hope there is a happy ending for her son and in turn for her family. It is sad how many young adults are suffering in today's troubled world.

[Anonymous]

OP,

If you are still reading this, you have to realize that there is not perfect solution, and that what these parents are implementing are perhaps all they are capable of doing.

My nephew is similarly troubled, and it has wrecked my BIL and SIL's marriage (which wasn't strong to begin with). He, too, stays home in his early twenties and will probably be enabled and supported all his life. But is it really enabling when there is no other solution?

You need to accept that this is their life. The younger brother needs to move away as soon as he is able to, otherwise he will never have a functional life. If he talks to you about this, don't encourage him to resent his brother or his parents. If he is less troubled than his older brother, he is the one that has to make the grater effort to move and make his life his own. It doesn't sound fair, but life is not fair.

[Anonymous]

Wow. OP's profile of her friend and the mentally ill son sound so much like the Sandy Hook shooter and his mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP's profile of her friend and the mentally ill son sound so much like the Sandy Hook shooter and his mom.

Yea exactly alike except the part about OP's friend ACTUALLY SEEKING ALL KINDS OF TREATMENT FOR HER SON!!
Do you people read???

[Anonymous]

Is it hard to get an adult into a supportive group home or independent living program if they have schizophrenia?

[Anonymous]

As the younger sister of someone with similar iSsues all you can do is be there for him. However hard you think this is for the parents and younger son I can guarantee it's 100 times harder. Just try to support her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. OP's profile of her friend and the mentally ill son sound so much like the Sandy Hook shooter and his mom.

Yea exactly alike except the part about OP's friend ACTUALLY SEEKING ALL KINDS OF TREATMENT FOR HER SON!!
Do you people read???

If DCUM has taught me anything, it's that no, people don't read. They see a few buzzwords and then project their own shit all over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it hard to get an adult into a supportive group home or independent living program if they have schizophrenia?

Yes, it's incredibly hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it hard to get an adult into a supportive group home or independent living program if they have schizophrenia?

Very. You have 3 options

1. He's an immediate threat to himself or others. At most, this will get you a 48-72 hr psychiatric hold in the hospital. Doctor and case/social worker may be able to get through to him. Unlikely at least on the first go around

2. Convince him to go under his own free will. Difficult and there is a low success rate. People have to want to change and get help in order for it to work

3. Have him declared incompetent of self care and making his own decisions. This is how my brother was committed but he was having multiple psychotic breaks and Couldn't differentiatie between this world and the world he had made up. It doesn't sound like this kid is anywhere near Being declared incompetent

An this is probably where heR friend is stalled since they've been thinking about having him committed. It's a really difficult situation to be in.