Husband doesn't want baby :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL did the oops baby thing. she got the baby and a divorce. He wasn't as thrilled as she thought he'd be.

No kidding. Nobody likes to be manipulated into a major life change. That's just devious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

Most parents don't tell stories about wishing they didn't have their last kid or two. It's not a very nice thing to do to kids. Even if you feel that way, you probably try very hard not to speak it or think about it too much.

[Anonymous]

Neighbor had husband who felt the same way. Two girls far out of baby stage. Well, she went ahead and had the third. A boy. HIS boy. HIS mini me. HIS refuge against the house of women. His son is 16 now and to hear him tell it the idea of a third was all his.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

This is just...terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

My DH went through a phase when he did not want a #2, despite our prior agreement for at least 2. I kept bringing it up and worked a few things to get him to yes. Now 6 months pregnant, he couldn't be more excited and already talks about #3. People change. Feelings change. If this is important to you, you have to keep talking and staking out your position. You two have to be in this together, you cannot force it on your DH, and neither can he impose his will on you without regard for your feelings.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't want a 3rd...he doesn't want it.

Why do you have to try and convince him otherwise or start looking at outside resources (DCUM) to try and strengthen your stance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+1 So have I. Twice from women who had their third after 35 and the baby had special needs/health issues. They love their children, of course, but it puts a huge burden on the entire family and changes everything.

I agree. I have heard of this also. You're gambling each time you have a baby, especially the older you guys are. I mean, if you had never had one, that's different, but you have two healthy children. You are already fortunate for that! Realize you should be grateful for that and let it be. Go to counseling. If he works a lot, you are likely trying to fill the void by continuing to have children. Another reason is you may not have your own identity outside of being a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+1 So have I. Twice from women who had their third after 35 and the baby had special needs/health issues. They love their children, of course, but it puts a huge burden on the entire family and changes everything.

You don't have to be over 35 to have SN children. The poster(s) who constantly make snide and vicious remarks about older mothers make me sick.

+1. I had mine at 30. My DH has been involved 100% and we both made the decision to stop at two. We knew we had our hands full and no family in the area to help out. There was also college and retirement to save for, in addition to any unforeseen needs. Now we are in our early 50's with one almost launched and starting to plan for independent living for our SN twenty year-old. We still have our hands full but now we get to travel a bit and have time for socializing/hobbies. Do not discount your spouse's wishes. Cherish and protect the happy family you have.

[Anonymous]

Have you two saved up enough for both your retirements and three kids in college?
I was a several-years-later "I'm going to have another baby anyway" baby. Parents divorced when I was 5, mom was declared mentally incompetent by the state, Dad & my siblings & I had a very rough time care + financially. I'm glad to be here but be careful what you wish for!

[Anonymous]

OP, two questions for you. Why did your marriage hit a rough patch? I'm not being snarky, I have two kids, and I really want to know. I "get" having a rough patch after the first as it's such a game changer, but not after the second since by that point, you and your husband are already parents. So, what happened? Can you do anything to prevent a rough patch? A good attitude and regular sex may be all it takes. Second, do you want a third baby so that your husband will be around more? I'm wondering if he works a lot to escape something. I'd stop using birth contrl and tell him he needs to get the snip. Not fair at all for him to use your body for pleasure while failing to take ownership of his views on more children Also, realize that you aren't "pestering" your husband. You're not a kid begging dad to take you to the pool while he's waiting for the plumber to show up. You are an adult woman. Act like one. The fact that you view yourself as pestering is a huge deal at least to me. As for "finances" people always have money for what they want. Get to the bottom of the issues. "finances" are often used as a catch-all to not do something. He is well within his rights to say and then take action about not wanting a third, he is not free to make you feel bad for wanting what you do.