Husband doesn't want baby :(

[Anonymous]

I have 2 girls - 5 and 8 years old. I've wanted another desperately for the past few years. I've brought it up with DH here and there because I don't want to pester him. #2 had colic and our marriage hit a major rough patch for a while. He doesn't want to go back to the infancy stage. Also I am 38 (he's 40) so he says I am too old (he said this a few years ago as well). I know in the end he would be thrilled with the third. I haven't brought up the subject for a while because I was trying to convince myself to stick with 2, but I keep coming back to this. Should I try to talk to him about it again? Should I just give it up?I think about this constantly. For context - he works very long hours, and I do most of the childcare on my own (didn't like having a nanny). Money is not an issue at all. He loves to travel - we take trips very frequently.

[Anonymous]

"I know in the end he would be thrilled with the third. "

Can I borrow your crystal ball?

"He doesn't want to go back to the infancy stage."

Believe him!

[Anonymous]

Give it up. You children's father has a right to his feelings.

[Anonymous]

DH here who does not want more children. DW agrees.

But if she needed to talk to me about it I'd listen.

So why wouldn't you talk to him?

[Anonymous]

Agree. Let it go. You've been blessed with two children already.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. You have to give up. The one who wants fewer children always wins. Be glad that you got two. My DH nixed a second.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to recognize that this is your problem and not his.

There is nothing wrong with bringing it up again if it is truly bothering you, but not in the sense of trying to convince him to change his mind, just to make you happy. That is the line between sincerely talking to your husband about something on your mind and heart, versus nagging him to change his point of view to serve yours.

He has said no. That needs to be the answer. You need to learn to process that and move on, with or without his help.

[Anonymous]

Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

[Anonymous]

I think I've given up. I'm happy with our two. I would love another, but I'm not sure it's a great idea, and I know DH doesn't think so.

[Anonymous]

From your post title I thought you meant your husband didn't want any children at all. But what you really mean is that he doesn't want a third child. That's not quite the same thing.

You say he works a great deal. What is your own work situation? Are there other interests or passions you could pursue to help you feel more content?

[Anonymous]

Get a puppy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I don't believe the whole " no one regrets having more children." I am sure they do but would never admit to it. I'm sure they love their additional child but have probably thought to themselves - we shouldhave stopped at one (or two). He knows what strain it would put on your marriage - why on earth would you purposely do it again when you barely made it through last time around.? Be happy with what you have and get over it. Your third could have special needs- ever thought abaout that? At your age I think it's a risk. Btw I am the sme age as you and this is why we are stopping at one. Our only already has special needs. Can't imagine adding another one which would seal the nail in the coffin of our marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From your post title I thought you meant your husband didn't want any children at all. But what you really mean is that he doesn't want a third child. That's not quite the same thing.

You say he works a great deal. What is your own work situation? Are there other interests or passions you could pursue to help you feel more content?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+1 So have I. Twice from women who had their third after 35 and the baby had special needs/health issues. They love their children, of course, but it puts a huge burden on the entire family and changes everything.