Husband doesn't want baby :(

[Anonymous]

Let it go, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk to him, OP. Maybe he'll convince you to get a puppy instead, but at least he'll know that this is still a want of yours and weighs heavily on your mind. Good luck, I've heard many stories of parents who regretted stopping when they did, but I've never heard stories of parents regretting that they had too many. And my second was colicky, oh Lord it was pure hell. Our third was totally easy, so don't let your DH be too traumatized, there is hope!

I have.

+ 1,000

[Anonymous]

I really wanted a third too. But my DH really was indifferent, and blew it off when I approached the subject. For my situation, I came the realization it was what I wanted, for me, and that I needed to think about what was best for my family. I couldn't be sure that the added stress of a third child wouldn't stress my family out so badly that we would divorce. My DH is terrible in the infant stage. He sleeps through the crying, works a lot, so I built up resentment that i was doing all the heavy lifting. We had a strong, strong marriage before kids, were together 10 years, and never had such a struggle until the first year of life for both of our children.

I decided I couldn't risk that. I looked at the children I already had and didn't want to raise them in a broken home. I had no way of knowing if that would have happened, but I felt like if I pushed my husband to do something he really wasn't 100% about (and I probably could have talked him into it), it could backfire with dire consequences.

I went through about a 6 month mourning period of coming to terms with my decision. I was pretty sad about it. But now it's been 3 years and I am fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Three is a whole 'nother ball game, OP.

On an anonymous forum, I can honestly say two would have been a better fit for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three is a whole 'nother ball game, OP.

On an anonymous forum, I can honestly say two would have been a better fit for me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 girls - 5 and 8 years old. I've wanted another desperately for the past few years. I've brought it up with DH here and there because I don't want to pester him. #2 had colic and our marriage hit a major rough patch for a while. He doesn't want to go back to the infancy stage. Also I am 38 (he's 40) so he says I am too old (he said this a few years ago as well). I know in the end he would be thrilled with the third. I haven't brought up the subject for a while because I was trying to convince myself to stick with 2, but I keep coming back to this. Should I try to talk to him about it again? Should I just give it up?I think about this constantly. For context - he works very long hours, and I do most of the childcare on my own (didn't like having a nanny). Money is not an issue at all. He loves to travel - we take trips very frequently.

Stop with this arrogance. You're moving into a place where you are ignoring what your spouse is saying to you and assuming you know better. That is never a healthy place to be. You need to let this go and accept that your family will be what it is today: a loving husband and 2 beautiful girls. Go see a therapist, get a puppy and/or take a fancy trip. Just do not go down this path where you're dismissing your spouse simply to get what only you want.

[Anonymous]

Insist on his having a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

In your situation I would run thru the situations like if the 3rd is special needs, or doesn't sleep thru the night, or the pregnancy takes a lot out of you physically how would you do the heavy lifting with the two kids, or it causes a strain in your marriage and you and DH split and this changes your financial situation and ability to be there for the two kids you have ...would you still feel 100% sure it was the right decision to have a 3rd? If you can't say in all the life gets more difficult scenarios that you still would have no regrets let it go. If you honestly feel even if things fall apart it was worth it, than I would try to have a conversation with DH.

My situation was different because we did not have the financial resources for me to cut back on work hours or hire a nanny to help if I found 3 to be too stressful for me to handle working full-time. My DH is extremely hands-on and I wouldn't want to upset that balance by having him take on a 3rd if he didn't feel like he could handle it. When I ran thru all the things that could go wrong, my desire to have three wasn't so strong that I felt it worth the risk for what we do have.

I also wanted to add that my DH gives the retirement thing as his reason BUT he is talking about retiring older to maximize certain retirement benefits so realistically we could fit in a 3rd. Also he doesn't feel so strongly that he is getting the procedure done so I contend he is leaving the door open for his never been married before much younger 2nd wife to have a kid when he is 55 if I am somehow not in the picture. So I see the retirement and age aspect as less of a reason than the what-if/what regrets analysis I did in figuring how important is this really to me.

[Anonymous]

I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

And this is more important than her husband's repeated statements that he doesn't want a third child?

Sometimes women amaze me. Next someone will suggest she have an "oops" baby on purpose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

And this is more important than her husband's repeated statements that he doesn't want a third child?

Sometimes women amaze me. Next someone will suggest she have an "oops" baby on purpose.

I don't care for the dismissal of "women," but I agree that it's a terrible idea for OP to push her husband to have another child. Awful. My father didn't want any of his children. To say the least, that had a negative effect on our lives.

[Anonymous]

Why would you want to pester your spouse for a third?

Be happy you have happy and healthy kids.

I agree that you need a puppy.

[Anonymous]

If you can guarantee his life will be just as good with a third and you won't pay less attention to him after he gives you what you want, then maybe push forward. Otherwise, respect his opinion -- you're asking him to make an enormous sacrifice for something you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I pushed my DH for a third with the two older ones same age as yours. I was also 38. Luckily, we now have a beautiful healthy happy 9 month old and the entire family is so in love with her. Especially DH.
That said, it could have easily gone differently. I know I took a huge risk. But she is the best thing ever.
DH loves her so much he has mentioned a 4th.
I am mandating a vasectomy ASAP.
Also I work and we have a great nanny. Money a non-issue.
If finances are a concern, totally different discussion.
Your girls will surely be in love with a new baby - that I can pretty much guarantee you.

And this is more important than her husband's repeated statements that he doesn't want a third child?

Sometimes women amaze me. Next someone will suggest she have an "oops" baby on purpose.

I don't care for the dismissal of "women," but I agree that it's a terrible idea for OP to push her husband to have another child. Awful. My father didn't want any of his children. To say the least, that had a negative effect on our lives.

I'm the woman who wrote that, and I'm not dismissing all women. I'm sorry if it came across that way. I just don't understand why some women urge others to "go for it" when the husband in question has clearly said he doesn't want another child.

[Anonymous]

Stop using your birth control. Problem solved.