H wants me and our child to move out, legal conundrum

[Anonymous]

He can stop giving you money. He could change the locks on the house. He could take your child and move to Timbuktu. Honestly, it's not worth going over all the worst case scenarios. In any event, you can call the police if he changes the locks (it's not legal for him to do that), you can try to get an emergency hearing in the family court system to make him provide you with some minimal living expenses if he stops giving you money.

Don't worry about worst case. Focus on what you can do for now. Get yourself to an attorney or county facility that can tell you what your rights are. You can start by contacting the Women's Center if you are in VA, the Family Justice Center if you are in MoCo. If you are somewhere else, contact the District Court Family Law department and they can tell you who to call for free or low-cost legal advice to get you started.

If your DH threatens you physically -- call the police and file a report. You must have a police report filed if you plan to bring up the threats during the divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

He can't do anything. You two are at a stand still and since he is the one with he money, he needs to be the one to move out. It's what the courts would order anyway given it's a single earner household and the legal reasons why you cannot work.

Whatever you do, stay put. If he gets frustrated enough, he will leave. In the meantime, dont do anything stupid- no threatening him, no angry text messages, no angry emails. Start trying to save/hide money. Start making a list of all the assets in the house- that will come in handy when/if you do get a divorce, in terms of making sure you get a fair distribution of the assets.

Good luck! Glad to hear you gathered your strength and stayed!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

He can't do anything. You two are at a stand still and since he is the one with he money, he needs to be the one to move out. It's what the courts would order anyway given it's a single earner household and the legal reasons why you cannot work.

Whatever you do, stay put. If he gets frustrated enough, he will leave. In the meantime, dont do anything stupid- no threatening him, no angry text messages, no angry emails. Start trying to save/hide money. Start making a list of all the assets in the house- that will come in handy when/if you do get a divorce, in terms of making sure you get a fair distribution of the assets.

Good luck! Glad to hear you gathered your strength and stayed!!!

THIS! Yes start socking money away if you can! I know you can't work, but can you pick up odd jobs around the neighborhood for a few bucks here and there while he is out? Good luck!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

If he is sponsoring you, he signed a financial statement promising to support you. I do not know if it is legally enforceable though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With everything you have posted, I would go back to my home country. You can get a job there, provide for your kid, and have emotional support from your family and friends. It sounds like you won't be able to get a job here, probably will not be allowed to leave the state due to husband visitation rights, and will basically be on welfare or living with 20 people in an apartment. You don't seem too concerned about the situation in your home country.

I agree. You and your son are facing a very difficult and lonely road if you stay here, no less his house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your green card is not "through marriage" but through employer, then why is it not valid if you divorce? Is your husband sponsoring you in some way? Is it through HIS employer, and that's why it would be invalidated?

what are your chancres of getting a green card if you divorce? if you stay married, what is the timeline? Perhaps you can work on some of t his with a lawyer and negotiate with him, using his responsibility for child support and possibly alimony against your need for the green card to come up with a working solution.

Does he want to have any relationship with his child????

I would not move out until you have some legal agreement in place. Are you renting? How is your financial picture?

It's thru HIS employer. NO chance if we divorce. If married, hopefully around 2 yrs, but there's no guarantee.
Negotiating with him is not a good idea -he immediately sees "blackmail", goes on offensive and such.
We both know that if we divorce, he might end up with high payments, but I will lose status and it's expensive and complicated to enforce court orders across borders. Lose lose situation for both.
I am now looking for a lawyer with experience in international custody and child support just to get a picture of my options. But there aren't many, I am pretty sure. I happen to fall through the cracks of the system.

You never answered the question posed OP----are you the same person who started a budget thread? Wife not "eligible" to work, yet shipped kid (her words for him) off to DC and language classes so she could do her own thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

He can't do anything. You two are at a stand still and since he is the one with he money, he needs to be the one to move out. It's what the courts would order anyway given it's a single earner household and the legal reasons why you cannot work.

Whatever you do, stay put. If he gets frustrated enough, he will leave. In the meantime, dont do anything stupid- no threatening him, no angry text messages, no angry emails. Start trying to save/hide money. Start making a list of all the assets in the house- that will come in handy when/if you do get a divorce, in terms of making sure you get a fair distribution of the assets.

Good luck! Glad to hear you gathered your strength and stayed!!!

Thank you very much for your support!
I do have some money, it's in a joint account but he has no access to it (long story); he can legally get his half but I don't think he will (it's "my" money)
I was pretty upset when I wrote the update but stood strong; he sent me a text he wanted to talk more - we'll see

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if your green card is not "through marriage" but through employer, then why is it not valid if you divorce? Is your husband sponsoring you in some way? Is it through HIS employer, and that's why it would be invalidated?

what are your chancres of getting a green card if you divorce? if you stay married, what is the timeline? Perhaps you can work on some of t his with a lawyer and negotiate with him, using his responsibility for child support and possibly alimony against your need for the green card to come up with a working solution.

Does he want to have any relationship with his child????

I would not move out until you have some legal agreement in place. Are you renting? How is your financial picture?

It's thru HIS employer. NO chance if we divorce. If married, hopefully around 2 yrs, but there's no guarantee.
Negotiating with him is not a good idea -he immediately sees "blackmail", goes on offensive and such.
We both know that if we divorce, he might end up with high payments, but I will lose status and it's expensive and complicated to enforce court orders across borders. Lose lose situation for both.
I am now looking for a lawyer with experience in international custody and child support just to get a picture of my options. But there aren't many, I am pretty sure. I happen to fall through the cracks of the system.

You never answered the question posed OP----are you the same person who started a budget thread? Wife not "eligible" to work, yet shipped kid (her words for him) off to DC and language classes so she could do her own thing?

I am not in DC, I am not sure what you are referring to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP again, I am back. Initially I was ready to move out, but then I gathered my strength to talk to H once more, and told him I thought he wasn't being fair to me, and the child should stay put.
I told him he needed to either pay for separate housing if he loathes living with us, or he needs to suck it up and live with us until the GC goes through.
Now he is pissed, really pissed that I don't want to do as he wanted.
I would appreciate if someone could try to give me the worst case scenarios here...what can he do? He told me he wouldn't give me any more spending money.
What else can he do?
I am inclined to file for separation and/or divorce, because I don't think he will agree on the green card for me, either way... but at least I get a decent amount of money from him.

If he is sponsoring you, he signed a financial statement promising to support you. I do not know if it is legally enforceable though.

No, we came together on a visa so he didn't sign the affidavit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With everything you have posted, I would go back to my home country. You can get a job there, provide for your kid, and have emotional support from your family and friends. It sounds like you won't be able to get a job here, probably will not be allowed to leave the state due to husband visitation rights, and will basically be on welfare or living with 20 people in an apartment. You don't seem too concerned about the situation in your home country.

I agree. You and your son are facing a very difficult and lonely road if you stay here, no less his house!

It's not HIS house. We came together and rented it together.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I have seen a couple family lawyers. They only see one angle of the situation and I don't blame them. I have spoken to an immigration lawyer and he also sees only one thing.
What I need is an overall "concept" of the situation
Right now I see it as: if I do as he wants me to do and hope for GC - I am screwed now and no guarantee of GC later.
If I don't obey - I am risking the prospective GC but at least I will get a decent amount right now. And he will "feel the pain".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: I have seen a couple family lawyers. They only see one angle of the situation and I don't blame them. I have spoken to an immigration lawyer and he also sees only one thing.
What I need is an overall "concept" of the situation
Right now I see it as: if I do as he wants me to do and hope for GC - I am screwed now and no guarantee of GC later.
If I don't obey - I am risking the prospective GC but at least I will get a decent amount right now. And he will "feel the pain".

I dont think you should try to capitulate to your DH. He is looking out for HIS interest and not yours.

Keep doing what you are doing. The right immigration lawyer will figure out how to get you the GC.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I honestly doubt it about getting the green card, but I might win 6-12 months of staying where I am, plus additional gains in divorce if it is inevitable.
Whereas if I capitulated, I would not gain much, and GC prospects would seem very abstract

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning to talk to lawyers and I have already spoken to some but I need some insight on the interim. And it's not just legal, it's more about what to do in the long term.

H and I are both immigrants waiting for our green cards. It is a fairly long process. I am legal in this country but am not legal to work. We have child.
Long story short, H wants us both to move out. He cannot afford to pay for a separate home for us. I cannot work so cannot do it also.
I can't file for any kind of financial support unless I also file for legal separation or divorce. I cannot file for any of those since this will affect my chances of getting permanent residence.
H says he will pay child support but only a modest amount.
this leaves me with three options
1) not to leave. This means being under a lot of pressure psychologically, and possibly being denied any money (worst case scenario: he pays for child needs but gives me no money for my needs). He may be so pissed that he refuses to file for green card for me
2) stay with my relatives in another state. child will go to a good school, I will be better off psychologically, but this is staying at someone else's house with very limited means and it may not work long term. But if it does, I will eventually get a green card and be able to work. It might take a couple years, though.
3) go back to my home country. There's a place of my own, I am legal to work there, I have friends and relatives. But things are not too good there right now, currency plummeted, people lose jobs, etc etc. Not the best political situation, too. Hopefully H will still file for my green card (I don't have to live with him the whole time to get one, it's not the one through marriage)

WWYD?

Option 2. No question about it. I wish you a lot of strength and perseverance. May it all end well for you and your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you post few weeks ago about your budget differences with DH? Like 1k for preschool even though you SAHM? Reason I ask is because if the reason is finances, you can still attempt to make it work.
If the differences are something else it might be tough since getting a GC can take over 5 years and I would think you have to stay married and maybe even together to get it legally.
Will DH even let you take the kid back home?
You need to consult a lawyer asap, I am sure there are some provisions to help out in such situations.

He says he doesn't object about the kid going home with me. I am going to ask for a written notarized permission from him.
It's not about finances, I have a feeling he loathes me as a person.

Smart lady. Put everything in writing. Document, document, document. Ask the notary public to keep a copy of that permission, if possible.