H wants me and our child to move out, legal conundrum

[Anonymous]

I am planning to talk to lawyers and I have already spoken to some but I need some insight on the interim. And it's not just legal, it's more about what to do in the long term.

H and I are both immigrants waiting for our green cards. It is a fairly long process. I am legal in this country but am not legal to work. We have child.
Long story short, H wants us both to move out. He cannot afford to pay for a separate home for us. I cannot work so cannot do it also.
I can't file for any kind of financial support unless I also file for legal separation or divorce. I cannot file for any of those since this will affect my chances of getting permanent residence.
H says he will pay child support but only a modest amount.
this leaves me with three options
1) not to leave. This means being under a lot of pressure psychologically, and possibly being denied any money (worst case scenario: he pays for child needs but gives me no money for my needs). He may be so pissed that he refuses to file for green card for me
2) stay with my relatives in another state. child will go to a good school, I will be better off psychologically, but this is staying at someone else's house with very limited means and it may not work long term. But if it does, I will eventually get a green card and be able to work. It might take a couple years, though.
3) go back to my home country. There's a place of my own, I am legal to work there, I have friends and relatives. But things are not too good there right now, currency plummeted, people lose jobs, etc etc. Not the best political situation, too. Hopefully H will still file for my green card (I don't have to live with him the whole time to get one, it's not the one through marriage)

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

option 2 and 3 would mean your husband (presumably) would be separated from the child. Does he want joint custody? You can't just take your kid to your home country unless he agrees.

all that being said, i would say #2 is best if your husband is willing to visit, be involved, and you can continue to work toward your green card.

But don't move out. DO NOT MOVE OUT until you have legal advice. see both a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer, preferably two who can speak to each other. Given that you have no ability to work, he may be legally obligated to support the both of you.

i'm sorry you are in this complication situation.

[Anonymous]

I would return to your home country given you cannot work and he is asking you to leave. However, I would do it before anything is filed in court so they cannot block you from leaving. If he is asking you to leave, I would not trust him to follow through with the green card.

[Anonymous]

Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

OP, did you post few weeks ago about your budget differences with DH? Like 1k for preschool even though you SAHM? Reason I ask is because if the reason is finances, you can still attempt to make it work.
If the differences are something else it might be tough since getting a GC can take over 5 years and I would think you have to stay married and maybe even together to get it legally.
Will DH even let you take the kid back home?
You need to consult a lawyer asap, I am sure there are some provisions to help out in such situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning to talk to lawyers and I have already spoken to some but I need some insight on the interim. And it's not just legal, it's more about what to do in the long term.

H and I are both immigrants waiting for our green cards. It is a fairly long process. I am legal in this country but am not legal to work. We have child.
Long story short, H wants us both to move out. He cannot afford to pay for a separate home for us. I cannot work so cannot do it also.
I can't file for any kind of financial support unless I also file for legal separation or divorce. I cannot file for any of those since this will affect my chances of getting permanent residence.
H says he will pay child support but only a modest amount.
this leaves me with three options
1) not to leave. This means being under a lot of pressure psychologically, and possibly being denied any money (worst case scenario: he pays for child needs but gives me no money for my needs). He may be so pissed that he refuses to file for green card for me
2) stay with my relatives in another state. child will go to a good school, I will be better off psychologically, but this is staying at someone else's house with very limited means and it may not work long term. But if it does, I will eventually get a green card and be able to work. It might take a couple years, though.
3) go back to my home country. There's a place of my own, I am legal to work there, I have friends and relatives. But things are not too good there right now, currency plummeted, people lose jobs, etc etc. Not the best political situation, too. Hopefully H will still file for my green card (I don't have to live with him the whole time to get one, it's not the one through marriage)

WWYD?

Do not leave.
He brought this child into this world. He brought you here from far away. He better just suck it up and support both of you until you can get on your feet.
Remind him that child and spousal abandonment will play real nice his green card hearing.
This borders on abuse.
How old is the child? And both of you?
Do you have qualifications that will land you a job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:option 2 and 3 would mean your husband (presumably) would be separated from the child. Does he want joint custody? You can't just take your kid to your home country unless he agrees.

all that being said, i would say #2 is best if your husband is willing to visit, be involved, and you can continue to work toward your green card.

But don't move out. DO NOT MOVE OUT until you have legal advice. see both a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer, preferably two who can speak to each other. Given that you have no ability to work, he may be legally obligated to support the both of you.

i'm sorry you are in this complication situation.

He is totally OK for me to move out WITH the child. He doesn't care where I go.
for green card purposes, it doesn't matter if I live abroad or in another state.
I have read on the court website of my state that I cannot file for support UNLESS I file for divorce or legal separation; I can't do that without compromising green card (I have learned so much from the immigration lawyer).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you post few weeks ago about your budget differences with DH? Like 1k for preschool even though you SAHM? Reason I ask is because if the reason is finances, you can still attempt to make it work.
If the differences are something else it might be tough since getting a GC can take over 5 years and I would think you have to stay married and maybe even together to get it legally.
Will DH even let you take the kid back home?
You need to consult a lawyer asap, I am sure there are some provisions to help out in such situations.

He says he doesn't object about the kid going home with me. I am going to ask for a written notarized permission from him.
It's not about finances, I have a feeling he loathes me as a person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

[Anonymous]

If you move to the other state, are you really confident he will still file for the green card for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you move to the other state, are you really confident he will still file for the green card for you?

I have no guarantee no matter whether I move or stay, and no matter where I move! This is the real problem.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I am thinking: if I file for divorce in my home country, child support will be very modest. If I file here, I will have to share custody with husband (unless he doesn't want any), and he might prevent me from leaving, but since I cannot stay (visa is void once we divorce), how is it going to work out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

[Anonymous]

Is there a waiting period for filing? Can you say, file for the green card now, with proof of filing, and I'm gone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your support.
Is it a "through marriage" GC or the one you get through your employer? If it's ok to ask