H wants me and our child to move out, legal conundrum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a waiting period for filing? Can you say, file for the green card now, with proof of filing, and I'm gone?

Unfortunately the timing does not depend on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your support.
Is it a "through marriage" GC or the one you get through your employer? If it's ok to ask

It's an employer's green card. We need a waiver for the green card which my husband cannot get from his employer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your support.
Is it a "through marriage" GC or the one you get through your employer? If it's ok to ask

It's an employer's green card. We need a waiver for the green card which my husband cannot get from his employer.

thank you!
His employer has not actually even filed yet! That's why I am wondering if it is even worth it... our home life was never perfect (esp. post-child). I was afraid to divorce because at first the baby was small...then we started this green card quest...then he suddenly changed jobs...I tried to fix it but it's getting harder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your support.
Is it a "through marriage" GC or the one you get through your employer? If it's ok to ask

It's an employer's green card. We need a waiver for the green card which my husband cannot get from his employer.

thank you!
His employer has not actually even filed yet! That's why I am wondering if it is even worth it... our home life was never perfect (esp. post-child). I was afraid to divorce because at first the baby was small...then we started this green card quest...then he suddenly changed jobs...I tried to fix it but it's getting harder.

So at this point he's not willing to try?
Sometimes a separation can be used for thinking through those things, and perhaps you could agree to a trial separation of one month, that you could spend at your relatives? Not ideal for school, I know, and it depends if you can trust him up to a point. We spent 2 years in marital difficulties, and I have to say I took the initiative on many things. My husband didn't know how to even start fixing our marriage, but was willing to talk about it, but not go to counseling. Basically we learned how to communicate better: he learned how to articulate his feelings and needs, and find empathy words on cue. I learned how to put emotions aside and discuss things rationally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh, dear OP, this was very nearly me a few years ago. I feel your pain.
Do whatever it takes not to move out until you think it through and lawyers can advise you.
Can you reason with your husband? Living as room-mates until your situation stabilizes? It's terrible to have to depend on him for a green card at this time.

Stay strong, OP. Hugs to you!

Thank you!
How did you figure it out, if you don't mind sharing?

Well, we reconciled. And actually afterward we discovered there was an impediment to the green card application, so we still don't have it!
Your life here can be so tenuous when you're here on a visa. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Thank you for your support.
Is it a "through marriage" GC or the one you get through your employer? If it's ok to ask

It's an employer's green card. We need a waiver for the green card which my husband cannot get from his employer.

thank you!
His employer has not actually even filed yet! That's why I am wondering if it is even worth it... our home life was never perfect (esp. post-child). I was afraid to divorce because at first the baby was small...then we started this green card quest...then he suddenly changed jobs...I tried to fix it but it's getting harder.

So at this point he's not willing to try?
Sometimes a separation can be used for thinking through those things, and perhaps you could agree to a trial separation of one month, that you could spend at your relatives? Not ideal for school, I know, and it depends if you can trust him up to a point. We spent 2 years in marital difficulties, and I have to say I took the initiative on many things. My husband didn't know how to even start fixing our marriage, but was willing to talk about it, but not go to counseling. Basically we learned how to communicate better: he learned how to articulate his feelings and needs, and find empathy words on cue. I learned how to put emotions aside and discuss things rationally.

Yes he is not willing to try.
It is too difficult for me to move back and forth so he "can think about those things", if he wanted a break he could move out temporarily.
i need to decide something more or less permanently

[Anonymous]

if your green card is not "through marriage" but through employer, then why is it not valid if you divorce? Is your husband sponsoring you in some way? Is it through HIS employer, and that's why it would be invalidated?

what are your chancres of getting a green card if you divorce? if you stay married, what is the timeline? Perhaps you can work on some of t his with a lawyer and negotiate with him, using his responsibility for child support and possibly alimony against your need for the green card to come up with a working solution.

Does he want to have any relationship with his child????

I would not move out until you have some legal agreement in place. Are you renting? How is your financial picture?

[Anonymous]

OP does not work so I think she means DH employer sponsored green card. OP, what is this waiver?

[Anonymous]

"Hopefully H will still file for my green card (I don't have to live with him the whole time to get one, it's not the one through marriage) "

Hope is not a plan!

Lawyer, lawyer, lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Was this just a huge a fight you guys had and he said he hated you and wanted you gone? It sounds like he hasn't put a lot of thought into it. I would talk to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was this just a huge a fight you guys had and he said he hated you and wanted you gone? It sounds like he hasn't put a lot of thought into it. I would talk to your husband.

+1

Have a mature talk with DH on what he suggests, and keep the child in the forefront. Remind him that even if he hates you, he has an obligation to the child's future.
Find a lawyer
Also you can also try looking for jobs, depending on your background some employers might sponsor a work visa, and it will be easier given that you are already in the US.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound so reasonable and like a good person. I wish you well.

Although returning to your own country does not sound like a wonderful option given what you mentioned about the economy and jobs, it may provide more independence and opportunity for you. Right now, your life and income depends entirely on the kindness of others (husband, relatives, etc.). If you go home, at least you could work if you find a job.

Do you have any education or special skills that might allow you to find a job here with an employer that could sponsor you for a green card or work visa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:option 2 and 3 would mean your husband (presumably) would be separated from the child. Does he want joint custody? You can't just take your kid to your home country unless he agrees.

all that being said, i would say #2 is best if your husband is willing to visit, be involved, and you can continue to work toward your green card.

But don't move out. DO NOT MOVE OUT until you have legal advice. see both a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer, preferably two who can speak to each other. Given that you have no ability to work, he may be legally obligated to support the both of you.

i'm sorry you are in this complication situation.

He is totally OK for me to move out WITH the child. He doesn't care where I go.
for green card purposes, it doesn't matter if I live abroad or in another state.
I have read on the court website of my state that I cannot file for support UNLESS I file for divorce or legal separation; I can't do that without compromising green card (I have learned so much from the immigration lawyer).

If the green card is not based on marriage (is he your employer? How does this work?) then why would divorce or legal immigration be relevant? make sure the information you are getting from the state website is applicable to your specific situation.

[Anonymous]

With everything you have posted, I would go back to my home country. You can get a job there, provide for your kid, and have emotional support from your family and friends. It sounds like you won't be able to get a job here, probably will not be allowed to leave the state due to husband visitation rights, and will basically be on welfare or living with 20 people in an apartment. You don't seem too concerned about the situation in your home country.

[Anonymous]

PP here: Don't trust him to do do anything he is not absolutely required to do. He doesn't care about his own kid so why would he do anything extra to try to help get you a green card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:option 2 and 3 would mean your husband (presumably) would be separated from the child. Does he want joint custody? You can't just take your kid to your home country unless he agrees.

all that being said, i would say #2 is best if your husband is willing to visit, be involved, and you can continue to work toward your green card.

But don't move out. DO NOT MOVE OUT until you have legal advice. see both a divorce lawyer and an immigration lawyer, preferably two who can speak to each other. Given that you have no ability to work, he may be legally obligated to support the both of you.

i'm sorry you are in this complication situation.

He is totally OK for me to move out WITH the child. He doesn't care where I go.
for green card purposes, it doesn't matter if I live abroad or in another state.
I have read on the court website of my state that I cannot file for support UNLESS I file for divorce or legal separation; I can't do that without compromising green card (I have learned so much from the immigration lawyer).

If the green card is not based on marriage (is he your employer? How does this work?) then why would divorce or legal immigration be relevant? make sure the information you are getting from the state website is applicable to your specific situation.

It's probably an employer-sponsored green card, which covers all family members. So it's not up to her husband to file for it, but she needs to stay married to be eligible.