Should a sympathy card include money? If so how much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It depends on the area you live in. When I went to bury my mother in her very small Midwest farming town, I immediately started getting cards when I got to her apartment, mostly dropped off by people. When I opened up the first card, I was astonished. There was $2 in it. I thought, "What?" Then I started opening up the flood of cards that came; all had small amounts of money in them: $5, $10, $20. Those small amounts of money aren't much by themselves, but when you add them up over 100 plus cards, it meant I was able to pay for a headstone and other funeral expenses.

The town folks don't make a lot of money, and they know how expensive funerals are. So everyone pitches in a little, to help. It was amazing.

That is so sweet. I've lived in Northern Virginia for almost my entire life so I forget sometimes that little towns do that sort of thing. It's very heart warming to hear that they do.

[Anonymous]

When my MIL passed away, some of my DH's coworkers chipped in and gave us a $250 for a place that makes prepared meals that you can pick up or have delivered. I thought that was really sweet because it took the burden off worrying about making dinner/grocery shopping. Cash might have made me feel a little funny though. I associate cash gifts with happy things like weddings and graduations for some reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd the family is poor and truly needs the money for funeral expenses, send some, otherwise it's not customary.

1) you do not need to be "poor" to need help with funeral expenses, not everyone is set up to pay thousands of dollars for a funeral(caskets, burial plot, funeral home, church fees, programs, travel expenses, etc.)

2) "customary" is relative, I have ALWAYS heard of people offering money to help with expenses. I know everyone does not do it, everyone may not need it, and people do not necessarily do it for every death

[Anonymous]

In my Appalachian town we all give money. If you don't know, don't ask DCUM, ask a local.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's a Catholic thing? When my FiL died (by no means poor), his Midwestern ILs included cash in cards they brought to the viewing. We were a little surprised, but used the money to go out to eat as a family. It was nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on socioeconomic status

I have known African American families who accepted donations for funeral costs

Basing it on SES = racism, you bigot!

[Anonymous]

Money and food brought to the home or place a check in the card if mailing.

[Anonymous]

It's actually common in chinese culture as well. You put an odd number like $51 or $101 in a white envelope for the family when attending the funeral/viewing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money and food brought to the home or place a check in the card if mailing.

This. It is a very popular practice in many cultures regardless of SES.

[Anonymous]

If it makes any difference, Japanese do this all the time. It helps with all the costs of the funeral, etc. This is standard in our traditions. But i'm never sure weather to enclose money for a non-Japanese. I'm still unsure.

[Anonymous]

This is so interesting to me. I'm just plain vanilla white and when my Dad died, I didn't see a single cent floating around. I received about 25 condolence cards and letters and not one contained anything other than a handwritten note (which I really appreciated.) Same when all 4 Grandparents died. In these cases, each person's funeral arrangements had been made 20+ years prior and the funeral home handled things according to their own wishes. All were middle class SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It depends on the area you live in. When I went to bury my mother in her very small Midwest farming town, I immediately started getting cards when I got to her apartment, mostly dropped off by people. When I opened up the first card, I was astonished. There was $2 in it. I thought, "What?" Then I started opening up the flood of cards that came; all had small amounts of money in them: $5, $10, $20. Those small amounts of money aren't much by themselves, but when you add them up over 100 plus cards, it meant I was able to pay for a headstone and other funeral expenses.

The town folks don't make a lot of money, and they know how expensive funerals are. So everyone pitches in a little, to help. It was amazing.

I'm from a similar place and the same thing happens there.

[Anonymous]

You can send flowers when she gets home. No need to do it this second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can send flowers when she gets home. No need to do it this second.

Lol. It's been 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can send flowers when she gets home. No need to do it this second.

Lol. It's been 2 years.

Hey, someone else unnecessarily bumped the thread before I responded. I blame them.