"Engagement" ring years after the fact? Yay or nay?

[Anonymous]

I don't think getting the ring is going to give you what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think getting the ring is going to give you what you want.

Me either. I think OP feels fundamentally cheated out of some experience or stage she wishes she had had (the young bride who was fawned over with showers and a doting fiancé?) and is maybe feeling a little but bored with marriage and unappreciated. I think the ring will be pretty to look at but she's placing too much importance on it. I think the DH has no idea why this is coming up all of a sudden and, like a man, will treat the ring exactly like a ring and not import all the other stuff onto it that OP has, at which point the ring will simply become a major bone of contention between them.

OP, I guess you feel maybe taken for granted or that your DH is complacent or doesn't love you enough. I think in your mind the ring will prove he does love you like you want him to, but it won't. It will just mean you got a ring. Think of it this way: when a man proposes with a ring, it's simply a tangible thing that represents all the promise of the marriage. You have LIVED the promise. You're still married 15 years later. Get a nice diamond eternity band to celebrate that instead. Frame it to your DH that way. "I would like a diamond band that represents how much we've accomplished in our marriage." That's way more realistic for your stage in life and something I think he could understand. It's also something I think you would really treasure. The diamond ring as make-up engagement ring won't mean to you what you think it will. That time in your life has passed. Honor the stage you're in NOW with a nice piece of jewelry. You'll appreciate it so much more.

[Anonymous]

1.5 carats for 10k? Doubt that! You have to spend way more than that for that large of a rock!!

[Anonymous]

OP, just stop. You are making me embarrassed to be female.

If you want a giant ring and can afford it, buy it.

If what you want is a certain set of emotions from your husband, tough. You can't make him feel sentimental about a chunk of carbon, and you're wasting everyone's time by trying.

And slamming around pots and pans because he won't buy you a big diamond is about the most teenage thing I've ever heard.

[Anonymous]

OP. we were in the same situation as you and could barely afford our very inexpensive wedding.

Ten years later we were well set, and my very cheap husband gave me a diamond engagement for Christmas. At the time he was managing a number of young people who were getting engaged, and he got involved in discussions about engagement rings. Otherwise I don't think it would have ever occurred to him to buy an engagement ring for me.

I was very surprised and appreciate the ring. However, his economics-based comment on presenting the ring to me was, "I wanted to make sure you were a good store of value before giving you an expensive ring." He is not a romantic but still my nerdy sweetie

[Anonymous]

OP,

You do not want the ring, actually, you want a fine piece of jewellery from your husband, now that he can afford it. Not because you are greedy, but because you want his appreciation in a traditional way.

I would suggest, you buy yourself some beautiful pearls. Diamonds are overrated and do not have a good resale value. In jewellery, always buy what appeals to you and your style. I am thinking that since you wear costume jewellery, you have a dramatic style that will not really be served by a diamond ring. You love your DH and your family, but men are obtuse in such things. I totally get you nudging him asking for a engagement ring, because men are used to buying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1.5 carats for 10k? Doubt that! You have to spend way more than that for that large of a rock!!

No - cost could be just for carat, if the cut, color, and clarity of the diamond are on a lower rating scale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think getting the ring is going to give you what you want.

Me either. I think OP feels fundamentally cheated out of some experience or stage she wishes she had had (the young bride who was fawned over with showers and a doting fiancé?) and is maybe feeling a little but bored with marriage and unappreciated. I think the ring will be pretty to look at but she's placing too much importance on it. I think the DH has no idea why this is coming up all of a sudden and, like a man, will treat the ring exactly like a ring and not import all the other stuff onto it that OP has, at which point the ring will simply become a major bone of contention between them.

OP, I guess you feel maybe taken for granted or that your DH is complacent or doesn't love you enough. I think in your mind the ring will prove he does love you like you want him to, but it won't. It will just mean you got a ring. Think of it this way: when a man proposes with a ring, it's simply a tangible thing that represents all the promise of the marriage. You have LIVED the promise. You're still married 15 years later. Get a nice diamond eternity band to celebrate that instead. Frame it to your DH that way. "I would like a diamond band that represents how much we've accomplished in our marriage." That's way more realistic for your stage in life and something I think he could understand. It's also something I think you would really treasure. The diamond ring as make-up engagement ring won't mean to you what you think it will. That time in your life has passed. Honor the stage you're in NOW with a nice piece of jewelry. You'll appreciate it so much more.

This. Every word of this.

[Anonymous]

If I were OP's husband I'd be using the $10,000 for my lawyer's retainer about now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. we were in the same situation as you and could barely afford our very inexpensive wedding.

Ten years later we were well set, and my very cheap husband gave me a diamond engagement for Christmas. At the time he was managing a number of young people who were getting engaged, and he got involved in discussions about engagement rings. Otherwise I don't think it would have ever occurred to him to buy an engagement ring for me.

I was very surprised and appreciate the ring. However, his economics-based comment on presenting the ring to me was, "I wanted to make sure you were a good store of value before giving you an expensive ring." He is not a romantic but still my nerdy sweetie

That WAS romantic! He's telling you that he got a good deal when you agreed to marry him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 carats for 10k? Doubt that! You have to spend way more than that for that large of a rock!!

No - cost could be just for carat, if the cut, color, and clarity of the diamond are on a lower rating scale.

Frankly, you are better off buying "less" color and clarity with a good cut and bigger size. Most people can't tell the difference, and jewelers need a loupe to tell the difference. Diamonds don't hold value, so get something impressive and don't worry about "quality."

[Anonymous]

Most people go for expensive anniversary bands, instead. You're coming up on your 20 year anniversary. Get one then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 carats for 10k? Doubt that! You have to spend way more than that for that large of a rock!!

No - cost could be just for carat, if the cut, color, and clarity of the diamond are on a lower rating scale.

Frankly, you are better off buying "less" color and clarity with a good cut and bigger size. Most people can't tell the difference, and jewelers need a loupe to tell the difference. Diamonds don't hold value, so get something impressive and don't worry about "quality."

I just helped my brother buy an engagement ring for his fiancee. I did a lot of research, and it was about 20K for the engagement ring with matching band. The diamond is 1.5 carat ideal cut round, VS2 clarity, I color.

Everyone is different, so I recommend the pricescope forum to research what is best for you.

I personally love jewelry, and I think that having a ring that you will enjoy every day is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1.5 carats for 10k? Doubt that! You have to spend way more than that for that large of a rock!!

No - cost could be just for carat, if the cut, color, and clarity of the diamond are on a lower rating scale.

Frankly, you are better off buying "less" color and clarity with a good cut and bigger size. Most people can't tell the difference, and jewelers need a loupe to tell the difference. Diamonds don't hold value, so get something impressive and don't worry about "quality."

I always prefer a smaller diamond with a beautiful cut, clarity and color myself. Feels like the diamond just glows in the dark. And the light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were OP's husband I'd be using the $10,000 for my lawyer's retainer about now.

+ 1,000