"Engagement" ring years after the fact? Yay or nay?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. We got married under interesting circumstances so I never had an engagement right. A few years later now, and sometimes it gets to me. I think it's more that I'm sad we never had a real engagement? I try to tell myself that I am very lucky to have a wonderful child and lovely home, but sometimes...Like when my BIL looked at my wedding band when we were all out to eat once and then looked at my husband and said, "really? that's it?"

I picked out that band too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I agree it's less about the rung and more about a big romantic gesture to show he appreciates you. I would consider a big anniversary trip somewhere nice without the kids rather than a ring. Or if your heart is set on diamonds. ..get a nice anniversary band not a solitaire. That seems a bit tacky after 15 years.

Is it tacky for a woman who always had an engagement ring to wear that along with her band after 15 years? If not, what's tacky about this? People will just assume she always had it.

If I see a middle aged women with a 10K ring, I assume it was acquired recently, maybe because it was a replacement for a smaller ring, or because she's more recently married.

I don't think that most young couples just starting out are buying 10K rings.

Okay, I can understand that. I just don't see how it's tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you are both wrong. You by asking for a $5-$10,000 ring and him dragging his feet. I would have introduced the subject and then let HIM initiate researching cost, size, etc.

OP said up thread she tried that approach over the years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous



Waste of money. I think you need to examine what is currently going on in your relationship to make you feel insecure enough to ask for a ring way after the fact.

+100 how old are you?

Me too, and I've been married year or two longer. I have an diamond engagement ring, wear it, but rarely give it much thought, that stage seems eons go.

[Anonymous]

My aunt didn't get an engagement ring when she first got married. Years later when their financial circumstances were much better, she went out and bought a beautiful ring. She knew better than to ask her DH for it, expect him to be excited about it, or have him help pick it out. She just went out and bought it herself, drama-free. Seriously, OP, have you just never met a man before?

[Anonymous]

perhps exchange 10-15k gifts?

He gets you the ring you want, and you get him a Patek Phillipe 5120?

and both can be passed down to your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt didn't get an engagement ring when she first got married. Years later when their financial circumstances were much better, she went out and bought a beautiful ring. She knew better than to ask her DH for it, expect him to be excited about it, or have him help pick it out. She just went out and bought it herself, drama-free. Seriously, OP, have you just never met a man before?

+1000.

Bought and more or less paid for my own ring. No regrets. The ring does not equal the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I agree it's less about the rung and more about a big romantic gesture to show he appreciates you. I would consider a big anniversary trip somewhere nice without the kids rather than a ring. Or if your heart is set on diamonds. ..get a nice anniversary band not a solitaire. That seems a bit tacky after 15 years.

Is it tacky for a woman who always had an engagement ring to wear that along with her band after 15 years? If not, what's tacky about this? People will just assume she always had it.

If I see a middle aged women with a 10K ring, I assume it was acquired recently, maybe because it was a replacement for a smaller ring, or because she's more recently married.

I don't think that most young couples just starting out are buying 10K rings.

Okay, I can understand that. I just don't see how it's tacky.

Sorry, I'm not the top PP, and I don't see it as tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:perhps exchange 10-15k gifts?

He gets you the ring you want, and you get him a Patek Phillipe 5120?

and both can be passed down to your children?

This is the first sensible suggestion I've heard, that doesn't boil down to "women are essentially employees who should be paid for their services in diamonds."

- A woman who doesn't think that anyone is entitled to Princess Demands, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I agree it's less about the rung and more about a big romantic gesture to show he appreciates you. I would consider a big anniversary trip somewhere nice without the kids rather than a ring. Or if your heart is set on diamonds. ..get a nice anniversary band not a solitaire. That seems a bit tacky after 15 years.

Is it tacky for a woman who always had an engagement ring to wear that along with her band after 15 years? If not, what's tacky about this? People will just assume she always had it.

If I see a middle aged women with a 10K ring, I assume it was acquired recently, maybe because it was a replacement for a smaller ring, or because she's more recently married.

I don't think that most young couples just starting out are buying 10K rings.

Okay, I can understand that. I just don't see how it's tacky.

Sorry, I'm not the top PP, and I don't see it as tacky.

+3

[Anonymous]

You seem totally crazy.
1. For being angry at him that he never came back to give you a ring
2, that he worried about cost when you asked
3. For saying you no longer wanted it after he said that
4. That you're passive aggressive in suggesting you won't have sex because of his reaction
I could go on and on.

I was in one relationship from 15-34 and we had three kids. No ring, no problem. I've now been in another relationship from 35-39. He proposed with the wax from babybel cheese. Later he offered to get me a ring and I said no. Better to spend on us and our family, not on me.and we could absolutely afford it. But it's totally unneeded.

[Anonymous]

Op, you are too harsh to sound reasonable

"cheapskate", "insensitive jerk"?

He asked re: how much you were wanting him to spend to get an idea of what would satisfy you. There are diamonds rings for $1,000 or diamond rings for $10,000. You're mad at the way it was phrased?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem totally crazy.
1. For being angry at him that he never came back to give you a ring
2, that he worried about cost when you asked
3. For saying you no longer wanted it after he said that
4. That you're passive aggressive in suggesting you won't have sex because of his reaction
I could go on and on.

I was in one relationship from 15-34 and we had three kids. No ring, no problem. I've now been in another relationship from 35-39. He proposed with the wax from babybel cheese. Later he offered to get me a ring and I said no. Better to spend on us and our family, not on me.and we could absolutely afford it. But it's totally unneeded.

No. YOU seem totally crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem totally crazy.
1. For being angry at him that he never came back to give you a ring
2, that he worried about cost when you asked
3. For saying you no longer wanted it after he said that
4. That you're passive aggressive in suggesting you won't have sex because of his reaction
I could go on and on.

I was in one relationship from 15-34 and we had three kids. No ring, no problem. I've now been in another relationship from 35-39. He proposed with the wax from babybel cheese. Later he offered to get me a ring and I said no. Better to spend on us and our family, not on me.and we could absolutely afford it. But it's totally unneeded.

I think OP just wanted some yummy drama post-Christmas and this is the best she could come up with.

[Anonymous]

Who gets their wife a pizza stone for Christmas? A selfish man. Buy the ring you want and wear it proudly. It is yours and you deserve it. Nevermind him.