WWYD? DH cries over female colleague leaving for another job

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should offer him a sanitary napkin to cry in

I just choked on my own spit laughing at that.

[Anonymous]

Is it me or did women go from this...


To this...

[Anonymous]

Is it me or did men go from this..



to this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it me or did men go from this..



to this

I can explain that easy - when the happy homemaker morphed into the perpetually stressed spouse it became evident to husbands everywhere that "nothing I do is going to please this woman" so the prevailing attitude became "f%k it"...I'm watching tv

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it me or did men go from this..



to this

I can explain that easy - when the happy homemaker morphed into the perpetually stressed spouse it became evident to husbands everywhere that "nothing I do is going to please this woman" so the prevailing attitude became "f%k it"...I'm watching tv

Naw, men have always gotten fat and nasty.

[Anonymous]

OP, i think it's pretty weird. I can't imagine crying all alone at home over the departure of a work BFF. I can imagine tearing up at the office farewell party for a few minutes, maybe-- but sitting home alone weeping? That is VERY weird.

I think there is something else going on. Maybe he did have an affair with her, or was a bit in love with her: I don't think that is necessarily inconsistent with telling you that he was crying b/c of her departure. Some spouses who cheat or who fantasize about cheating need/want to hint at it to their spouse, b/c they just can't stop thinking about it, or want to create jealousy or get absolution.

But I also don't assume that the tears must mean an affair or crush: they could be a sign of general depression, or a more specific work crisis that is causing him grief or shame but that he doesn't want to talk about. (For instance, maybe he got a nasty public dressing down from his boss and feels like a failure, but it's easier for him to say, "I'm sad my friend is leaving" than "I was justly reprimanded and I feel like a loser.")

I think you do need to discuss this with him, at some point when things are calm. Something like, "It really worried me to see you so distressed. I know Robin's been a good work friend, but it seemed strange to me that you were crying about it. It really spooked me, and made me wonder if something else is going on that is bothering you, either something to do with Robin, or something to do with our relationship, or something to do with other things going on for you work or in some other part of your life. This has been weighing on my mind. Can we talk about this?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was wasn't serious. My DH has worked with this female friend for over 5 years. They worked together at a previous employer but were not as close. He is the one that put her in touch with the right people at his current job and she was hired. They are peers; reported to the same boss and according to my DH "complemented each other professionally very well' his words not mine. Fast forward to Friday, it was her last day she's leaving for a new job. After the kids were in bed and asleep I go down to the basement and my DH is crying. Yes, crying. I ask him why he's crying and he says "honey my work bff left" "I'm gonna miss her" They are both VPs and he said that it's lonely at the top and now he no longer has a confidant/bff at work. I was speechless and said are you kidding? I asked, are crying because Robin left or are you crying because you have had too much to drink? He assured me it wasn't the alcohol, that he was really going to miss Robin and how much he enjoyed working with her and how they complement each other, blah blah. I was shocked and said, well I'll leave you to sulk in your own misery; I'm going to bed. I still haven't talked to him about it, but it's truly bothering me. I don't think he would cheat. I know he's traveled with Robin numerous times over the years and now I'm wondering if something is going on? If your partner cried over a colleague leaving, how would you react/feel?

This right here is what makes you a jerk.

I know yep, I'm a jerk! I have alway supported him and continue to do so. He wants to go to happy hour with friends, I'm ok with it. He can't make a baseball/lacross / soccer game for the kids, Im okay with it. Leaving him to sulk, seemed like the best option as he wanted to be left alone. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was wasn't serious. My DH has worked with this female friend for over 5 years. They worked together at a previous employer but were not as close. He is the one that put her in touch with the right people at his current job and she was hired. They are peers; reported to the same boss and according to my DH "complemented each other professionally very well' his words not mine. Fast forward to Friday, it was her last day she's leaving for a new job. After the kids were in bed and asleep I go down to the basement and my DH is crying. Yes, crying. I ask him why he's crying and he says "honey my work bff left" "I'm gonna miss her" They are both VPs and he said that it's lonely at the top and now he no longer has a confidant/bff at work. I was speechless and said are you kidding? I asked, are crying because Robin left or are you crying because you have had too much to drink? He assured me it wasn't the alcohol, that he was really going to miss Robin and how much he enjoyed working with her and how they complement each other, blah blah. I was shocked and said, well I'll leave you to sulk in your own misery; I'm going to bed. I still haven't talked to him about it, but it's truly bothering me. I don't think he would cheat. I know he's traveled with Robin numerous times over the years and now I'm wondering if something is going on? If your partner cried over a colleague leaving, how would you react/feel?

This right here is what makes you a jerk.

I know yep, I'm a jerk! I have alway supported him and continue to do so. He wants to go to happy hour with friends, I'm ok with it. He can't make a baseball/lacross / soccer game for the kids, Im okay with it. Leaving him to sulk, seemed like the best option as he wanted to be left alone. What would you do?

OP, you are making a classic mistake with that attitude. Taking on all tasks so he has more freedom is not the same thing as meeting his emotional needs. He showed you that he was upset, and you walked away.

Men tend to mask their real feelings too much, consciously or not. And if you insult them for showing you those feelings, they are more likely to shut you out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was wasn't serious. My DH has worked with this female friend for over 5 years. They worked together at a previous employer but were not as close. He is the one that put her in touch with the right people at his current job and she was hired. They are peers; reported to the same boss and according to my DH "complemented each other professionally very well' his words not mine. Fast forward to Friday, it was her last day she's leaving for a new job. After the kids were in bed and asleep I go down to the basement and my DH is crying. Yes, crying. I ask him why he's crying and he says "honey my work bff left" "I'm gonna miss her" They are both VPs and he said that it's lonely at the top and now he no longer has a confidant/bff at work. I was speechless and said are you kidding? I asked, are crying because Robin left or are you crying because you have had too much to drink? He assured me it wasn't the alcohol, that he was really going to miss Robin and how much he enjoyed working with her and how they complement each other, blah blah. I was shocked and said, well I'll leave you to sulk in your own misery; I'm going to bed. I still haven't talked to him about it, but it's truly bothering me. I don't think he would cheat. I know he's traveled with Robin numerous times over the years and now I'm wondering if something is going on? If your partner cried over a colleague leaving, how would you react/feel?

This right here is what makes you a jerk.

I know yep, I'm a jerk! I have alway supported him and continue to do so. He wants to go to happy hour with friends, I'm ok with it. He can't make a baseball/lacross / soccer game for the kids, Im okay with it. Leaving him to sulk, seemed like the best option as he wanted to be left alone. What would you do?

OP, you are making a classic mistake with that attitude. Taking on all tasks so he has more freedom is not the same thing as meeting his emotional needs. He showed you that he was upset, and you walked away.

Men tend to mask their real feelings too much, consciously or not. And if you insult them for showing you those feelings, they are more likely to shut you out.

Well, that's probably why he's fucking his co worker. She gets him. His wife is simply utilitarian.

[Anonymous]

NP. I also think it's weird, and i am a woman who cries somewhat easily.

But if she was his confidante, having her gone could amplify his stress over a lot of other work things-- that may have brought him to the edge. And add alcohol? Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, i think it's pretty weird. I can't imagine crying all alone at home over the departure of a work BFF. I can imagine tearing up at the office farewell party for a few minutes, maybe-- but sitting home alone weeping? That is VERY weird.

I think there is something else going on. Maybe he did have an affair with her, or was a bit in love with her: I don't think that is necessarily inconsistent with telling you that he was crying b/c of her departure. Some spouses who cheat or who fantasize about cheating need/want to hint at it to their spouse, b/c they just can't stop thinking about it, or want to create jealousy or get absolution.

But I also don't assume that the tears must mean an affair or crush: they could be a sign of general depression, or a more specific work crisis that is causing him grief or shame but that he doesn't want to talk about. (For instance, maybe he got a nasty public dressing down from his boss and feels like a failure, but it's easier for him to say, "I'm sad my friend is leaving" than "I was justly reprimanded and I feel like a loser.")

I think you do need to discuss this with him, at some point when things are calm. Something like, "It really worried me to see you so distressed. I know Robin's been a good work friend, but it seemed strange to me that you were crying about it. It really spooked me, and made me wonder if something else is going on that is bothering you, either something to do with Robin, or something to do with our relationship, or something to do with other things going on for you work or in some other part of your life. This has been weighing on my mind. Can we talk about this?"

+1

[Anonymous]

Does he have a lock of her hair? If not I wouldn`t worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I was wasn't serious. My DH has worked with this female friend for over 5 years. They worked together at a previous employer but were not as close. He is the one that put her in touch with the right people at his current job and she was hired. They are peers; reported to the same boss and according to my DH "complemented each other professionally very well' his words not mine. Fast forward to Friday, it was her last day she's leaving for a new job. After the kids were in bed and asleep I go down to the basement and my DH is crying. Yes, crying. I ask him why he's crying and he says "honey my work bff left" "I'm gonna miss her" They are both VPs and he said that it's lonely at the top and now he no longer has a confidant/bff at work. I was speechless and said are you kidding? I asked, are crying because Robin left or are you crying because you have had too much to drink? He assured me it wasn't the alcohol, that he was really going to miss Robin and how much he enjoyed working with her and how they complement each other, blah blah. I was shocked and said, well I'll leave you to sulk in your own misery; I'm going to bed. I still haven't talked to him about it, but it's truly bothering me. I don't think he would cheat. I know he's traveled with Robin numerous times over the years and now I'm wondering if something is going on? If your partner cried over a colleague leaving, how would you react/feel?

This right here is what makes you a jerk.

I know yep, I'm a jerk! I have alway supported him and continue to do so. He wants to go to happy hour with friends, I'm ok with it. He can't make a baseball/lacross / soccer game for the kids, Im okay with it. Leaving him to sulk, seemed like the best option as he wanted to be left alone. What would you do?

Let me ask you this: would you treat a friend like that? Dismissing their feelings and talking to them like a child, and then walking away? Didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should offer him a sanitary napkin to cry in

I just choked on my own spit laughing at that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he have a lock of her hair? If not I wouldn`t worry.