WWYD? DH cries over female colleague leaving for another job

[Anonymous]

You're a bitch. I wouldn't blame your DH for cheating on you.

[Anonymous]

It's sad to lose your work wife.

A little pity, OP.

[Anonymous]

I too have cried when beloved colleagues left.

Wasn't sleeping - or even flirting - with any of them.

OP, your DH is upset, and his day-to-day work life is changing. He shows you his vulnerability, and you walk away? Harsh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Wow, OP, you sound mean. Just saying. The guy told you his honest feelings and you 'left him to sulk in his own misery'. He was reaching out to you his wife!!!

If my dh reacted to me this way in this situation, I'd make sure to keep in contact with 'Robin' because I would feel alone and isolated at home. Good luck, you may need it.

Agree. I think you should've been more supportive. Maybe they had a good kinship and he's missing her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think your DH is cheating for the same reason - he wouldn't show his unhappiness in front of you. I mean, crying! He wouldn't let you see that if he had feelings for her, and he wouldn't have so quickly confessed to you why he was crying. He told you because he thought it was normal.

OTOH, I'd be uncomfortable with any woman playing the role of confidant/emotional crutch to my DH. The only women who are allowed to do that are his female relatives, and me. If his confidant is not his mother, sister, or aunt, then I'm going to be uncomfortable.

I agree with this. However; just want to add, given that OP's reaction was to be emotionally unavailable (which I do understand, but thinking it through) maybe OP is emotionally unavailable in general and so this was her DH's emotional BF.

At one point my DH had a work-wife and we talked about it. I do not believe there was an affair, but there was a ton of office politics and she was a safe haven for him to discuss it with and he thought I'd either not get it or be bored with it. I told him I wanted him to tell me about it, not her (or at least make me the primary one)--that I wanted to be that person. I pointed out some famous power couples for illustration.

Anyways since that talk (10 years ago), our relationship changed. We have that now; I am the primary person he speaks with about work stuff. (The downside is, I have to listen to a lot of his work stuff, LOL--but it's a small price to pay for the shared emotional connection)

OP, I suggest you comfort him in his loneliness--now is a wonderfully opportune time to fill the void and make your marriage stronger.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Weird. My boss and my work husband both left my company after five years and I didn't cry.

[Anonymous]

Guy here. Very strange. I just can't imagine a guy doing it. It's beyond weired.

[Anonymous]

Wow. He was crying because he was lonely. How do you not understand that? And what did you do? Let him sulk in his misery. Nice. You owe him an incredible apology. Start thinking about what you can do to help your husband not feel so lonely in life.

[Anonymous]

My husband crying alone in my basement is such a preposterous idea in and of itself that I can't get my head around the rest of it. Damn, is she moving to Kansas? Surely they can still have lunch? I would probably do what you did and just walk away.

[Anonymous]

I understand the way your DH is feeling. I really do. Now, if he's a person who rarely cries or shows emotion then I might be a bit perplexed, and if he does not express his feelings for you on a regular basis then I can better understand your reaction...but otherwise, your response was cold as ice, OP.
We need some context to better understand the situation.

[Anonymous]

OP here: Thank you all for your comments, ideas, suggestions, empathy, etc.


So maybe I shouldn't have let him "sulk in his misery" but honestly, it was late and I didn't have the energy to deal with it. Had I thought it required consoling I certainly would have done so. I'm not some cold hearted bitch that has no feelings. I was just so blown away that he was feeling like that about a female that I just didn't get it at the time. After reading some of the comments, I probably could have reacted differently. We had a super busy weekend and he's in California for the week for work. His colleague is staying in DC and yes I did tell him they would still be able to have lunch and he even mentioned he drives by her new office everyday and they would do breakfast, they had a breakfast meeting once a month when they worked together.

I will talk to him when he gets home from CA. I've just been thinking that if I acted like that about a male colleague how he would react. And yes, maybe my reaction is based on a little jealousy. My DH is very introverted and most of the time I have no clue what's going on in his work life because he's tired of talking about it at work and doesn't want to discuss at home. Our marriage is solid and I'm not too worried about cheating. He's a hard worker and provides for our family is a great father and spouse.

[Anonymous]

Lmao

[Anonymous]

If there was something sexual going on, he wouldn't cry - he'd be happy because they wouldn't be working together, just sleeping together. Other than being a wuss, and maybe needing depression meds, sounds like he is most definitely not having a physical affair.

[Anonymous]

I think there's some serious sock puppeting going on on this thread. There is no way there are 10+ different women who would all think this is not only normal, but that OP is an unsympathetic "bitch" who deserves this level of bizarre hostility and abuse. Something very weird is up with this thread.

OP, yes, it is strange. If you don't think it's an affair or that he just got sentimental after too many drinks, then my next best guess would be that it's maybe a hostile/unpleasant working environment and this pal made it better to get through the day. (And that your DH is a very, very sensitive dude.) But his reaction is still extreme. I trust my DH 100% but if I found him weeping in the basement about some woman leaving his office I would be really disconcerted. Pay no mind to the sock puppet on here, OP.