WWYD? DH cries over female colleague leaving for another job

[Anonymous]

I wish I was wasn't serious. My DH has worked with this female friend for over 5 years. They worked together at a previous employer but were not as close. He is the one that put her in touch with the right people at his current job and she was hired. They are peers; reported to the same boss and according to my DH "complemented each other professionally very well' his words not mine. Fast forward to Friday, it was her last day she's leaving for a new job. After the kids were in bed and asleep I go down to the basement and my DH is crying. Yes, crying. I ask him why he's crying and he says "honey my work bff left" "I'm gonna miss her" They are both VPs and he said that it's lonely at the top and now he no longer has a confidant/bff at work. I was speechless and said are you kidding? I asked, are crying because Robin left or are you crying because you have had too much to drink? He assured me it wasn't the alcohol, that he was really going to miss Robin and how much he enjoyed working with her and how they complement each other, blah blah. I was shocked and said, well I'll leave you to sulk in your own misery; I'm going to bed. I still haven't talked to him about it, but it's truly bothering me. I don't think he would cheat. I know he's traveled with Robin numerous times over the years and now I'm wondering if something is going on? If your partner cried over a colleague leaving, how would you react/feel?

[Anonymous]

That's weird. I cry at the drop of a hat, and while I've been upset about my work bff's leaving, I've never cried over it.

[Anonymous]

He sounds depressed. I'd have him see his internist for a possible referral for therapy.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I get it. I could think of a coworker I would cry over missing. It happens. I am sure he will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Well, if he's not given to crying over emotional stuff in general, it sounds a little weird. But I do empathize with him. One of my bosses is leaving for good at the end of the year (lost an election). And I'm half dying here because I know his replacement will be awful and my next four years are going to be horrific. Not only will I miss the person, but I'll miss the collegial, respectful atmosphere he created in the workplace. I am really mourning that. So maybe your husband is going through something similar. Maybe I'll be crying too in December. Who knows? But talk to him a bit about it tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

DW here. When my work BFF of 10 years left for another job, I cried. We are both executives. No affair.

[Anonymous]

If they were having an affair I don't think he'd tell you he was crying about her.

You don't sound very empathetic, BTW

[Anonymous]

Wow, you are so mean, OP.

I'd have consoled my DH that his work-wife was leaving and then made jokes that'd make him laugh and also made real suggestions on how they can stay friends.

[Anonymous]

I hope Robin is not her real name.

[Anonymous]

I don't think he is cheating and I doing he would tell you the reason he was crying if he did. Losing a colleague you are close with can be tough. There could be things going out at work but it was bearable because he had a " work-wife". Now it will be just him. You don't sound very supportive, OP. He probably feels like he can't open up to you about it. I'd talk and comfort my husband in situations like this. It's a big change and he most likely has so much on his plate already.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your DH is cheating for the same reason - he wouldn't show his unhappiness in front of you. I mean, crying! He wouldn't let you see that if he had feelings for her, and he wouldn't have so quickly confessed to you why he was crying. He told you because he thought it was normal.

OTOH, I'd be uncomfortable with any woman playing the role of confidant/emotional crutch to my DH. The only women who are allowed to do that are his female relatives, and me. If his confidant is not his mother, sister, or aunt, then I'm going to be uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

My boss of 17 years is retiring and I have cried many times. He is a man and there is nothing sexuall about it. He is like family I will miss him.

[Anonymous]

Well OP, if you are confident in your marriage that your husband wouldn't cheat on you, then most likely he is crying over her as one would a good friend would.

Considering how long they worked together at both positions, they probably formed a very close work bond together + were very close partners/colleagues. Having her by his side for so many years probably brought him a unique source of comfort and companionship that he will miss now that she will no longer be there.

Give him some time...Just like any other loss, time will make it easier.

However, if your gut instinct is telling you that there is more here than meets the eye, then I would go w/that for sure.

Only you know that....

[Anonymous]

It is like he is divorcing his work wife.

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP, you sound mean. Just saying. The guy told you his honest feelings and you 'left him to sulk in his own misery'. He was reaching out to you his wife!!!

If my dh reacted to me this way in this situation, I'd make sure to keep in contact with 'Robin' because I would feel alone and isolated at home. Good luck, you may need it.