marriage crumbling, I'm just so sad tonight, need to vent

[Anonymous]

Please call a counselor or therapist today. You are strong enough and have enough courage to go and talk to a person who is professionally trained to listen to these types of problems. I would not do anything rash today. I would make an appointment to start discussing your situation with a professional.

At the very least, if you do decide to separate and divorce, you will be stronger for having talked about how you wound up in this situation.

I speak from experience. I am divorced and my ex is still in serious need of counseling. I had never gone to counseling, but spent a lot of time and money on myself before, during and after my divorce. It was very helpful when I felt like things were spiraling out of control or I was going crazy. You can't solve your DH's problems, but the only one you can control or help is yourself. You need to start that process. Good luck, and I'm sorry you are feeling so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do have times of anger, and yes I do think my husband has terribly high expectations. Of course there are issues I didn't get into, I'm not claiming I'm a perfect wife in any way, he does have some legitimate complaints, but this is my thread to complain and vent, not his.

Yes, we really have sex 4-6x a week, possibly more at times. I don't think his complaint is that's not enough as much as my work interferes with him being able to have sex every day. I don't know, sometimes I don't even get it and I've heard his spiel many times. And God forbid I get my period, he takes that as a personal insult. My BJs are good, I don't finish him every time but it's not just "kissing the tip". But in general his desires are for an "anything goes" kind of woman, one who doesn't object to whatever he comes up, anal, sex outside, threesome, etc. I don't have that in me...yes we've tried it all but I didn't say yes quick enough to these suggestions or often enough for my "yesses" to matter. He just remembers I said no at first and forgets he got what he wanted in the end. Me saying no at first takes the fun out of it.

I know counseling and therapy would be helpful. He will not go. I haven't gotten my courage up for individual counseling. I know that sounds dumb and weak. I know I sound pretty pathetic in my posts. There is a lot of mutual resentments between us. I firmly believe we could get past it and work things out. I have zero desire to start over, attempt to coparent, etc. He wants the opportunity to have the sex life I've described above.

This guy sounds like one of THE BIGGEST assholes I've seen described on this site.

The joke is going to be on this fool. The kind of woman he seeks simply does not exist.

What I'm confused about OP, is why in the hell are you mourning this man? I wouldn't be able to throw his ass out the door fast enough.

[Anonymous]

OP i am so sorry you are in this situation. That being said- stop worrying about your husband and start worrying about yourself. Start taking better care of yourself . Do not! Go to him with your worries. He feels like you are desperate and will do anything! Maybe he is right!
Dont let him feel that desperation from you . Smile be confidant and start taking time for yourself. Stop doing everything for him..
I think you get what I am saying ... Make him want to be with you. Dont be negative because he is an ass. Personally I would dump him. But if you want him this is what you need to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sorry, but I'm just not buying what you're selling. No way you give that many bj's and sex a week. If so, he'd be plenty happy.

BTW, what do you consider a BJ ...... just softly kissing the dick head for a minute ? If so, a BJ isn't a BJ if he doesn't get to cum in your mouth half the time.
What's the real sex issues ? You're not being honest here.

Idiot troll. If it all took was BJs to be happy, there'd be fewer divorces.

Sometimes people just don't match.

[Anonymous]

Kick his ass out, STAT!

[Anonymous]

Couples counseling can make all if the difference in the world find some one gottman trained. Marjorie Robinson is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds like my former BIL who, when my SIL didn't go along with his every intellectual or sexual whim, started to denigrate her as a person in both explicit and implicit ways.

They are divorced now. He is remarried to a younger woman who is more sexually, ahem, adventurous, and she is happily single, and not constantly being found lacking in various departments.

It may be that they were never really compatible, and it may be that you and your spouse are not, either. The one thing that I learned from watching their experience at a distance is that trying to please someone who can't ever be pleased, but only temporarily satisfied (i.e., gettingtheir rocks off), is not good for the soul. She ended up a basket case for a while.

Good luck. You sound like a good person.

[Anonymous]

I know counseling and therapy would be helpful. He will not go. I haven't gotten my courage up for individual counseling. I know that sounds dumb and weak. I know I sound pretty pathetic in my posts. There is a lot of mutual resentments between us. I firmly believe we could get past it and work things out. I have zero desire to start over, attempt to coparent, etc. He wants the opportunity to have the sex life I've described above.

I'm sorry you're in such a dark place. You really do need to start seeing an individual counselor even if, by some miracle, your husband agreed to joint counseling. I know from experience how difficult it is to get past this point in your relationship. You need to talk with someone about it who is objective and skilled in relationships. It's really not that hard once you get started, it's the initiation that's hard. I also agree with the PP that you need to consult with an attorney. You need to prepare for the chance you'll get divorced. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he has a sex addiction. I know that term is overused and sometimes is used as an excuse, but his desire for sex, and the styles of sex that he wants you to participate in, is pretty off the charts.

He also sounds rather abusive in the manner that he approaches you and makes you feel like this is all your fault. While individual therapy should really help you realize how normal you are (and how odd your DH may be), I don't see the problem going away unless he gets some counseling, too.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I've been reading all the replies and appreciate the insights and perspectives. I was lucky enough to get a Dr's appointment for tomorrow to talk about antidepressants and counselor recommendations/referral. Thanks again. Things seem better in the day time of course but I realize that I do need real help. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've been reading all the replies and appreciate the insights and perspectives. I was lucky enough to get a Dr's appointment for tomorrow to talk about antidepressants and counselor recommendations/referral. Thanks again. Things seem better in the day time of course but I realize that I do need real help. Thanks.

This makes MY day, OP. Even if it doesn't make yours. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, new poster here - I am in disbelief about what you've posted. Yes, of course, we all have our issues and I'm sure you aren't perfect but WOW does your husband sound like a terrible, terrible, demoralizing, demeaning person.

I mean, seriously. What he wants isn't out there. He has NO IDEA how good he's got it right now (and you, on the other hand, don't seem to realize how SHITTY you have it right now).

As Savage Love would say, DTMFA. You really don't need this kind of shit.

[Anonymous]

Ditch That Mother Fuckin Asshole?

[Anonymous]

Wait. Why are you with him? Why is he so amazing, to you? What keeps you in this?

What is it about your schedule that interferes- you work evenings, or have to work late?

Jeez. I really feel for you. I am so sorry you are in this position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I've been reading all the replies and appreciate the insights and perspectives. I was lucky enough to get a Dr's appointment for tomorrow to talk about antidepressants and counselor recommendations/referral. Thanks again. Things seem better in the day time of course but I realize that I do need real help. Thanks.

This makes MY day, OP. Even if it doesn't make yours. Hugs.

What??!! No way I would medicate myself for a huge jerk. OMG.

I guess if it helps get through whatever you have to do, in the short term, 6 mos where you rip your bandaid of marriage off, but don't do it to feel happier in the same situation. The pain is a sign...