marriage crumbling, I'm just so sad tonight, need to vent
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Anonymous
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For the past year, and maybe even longer if I'm being honest, my marriage has been falling apart. It's late and I'm on my phone, so I don't want to type out all the nitty-gritty details, but basically as my husband puts it, we aren't a great match. Fairly opposite sex drives, opposite work schedules, different views on parenthood. And while yes these issues were there pre-wedding, it's certainly gotten worse each year. And as far as parenthood, we planned to not have any children and ended up with an "oops" baby 6 years ago. I've been trying to increase my sex drive, and find a new job so our schedules match better, but my efforts are just falling short. DH said something tonight in passing (after what I thought was some fun sex) that sort of drove the point home to me again that I really don't satisfy him as a wife. I don't even think he realized it, and hw wasn't trying to make a comment about it, since later on he was concerned about me being sad tonight but ugh.
I know not every marriage works, and if people can't match up on the important things it's probably for the best they part ways but I hate it so much that my life is reaching this point. I'm fairly certain that after December (our "deadline" for getting on back on track relationship wise) DH will ask for a separation and divorce. Intellectually I know if he's not satisfied, that's for the best for us and our child, because with this strain between us there's naturally increased tension and conflict at home, but my heart is just hurting. I don't know what else I can do at this point. And since I know people will come with their "helpful" comments, yes I give BJs, multiple times a week even, we have sex probably 4-6x a week, I'm the one responsible for the household shit so he's got it as easy as I can make it at home. We both work full time and financially contribute close to the same amount of money income wise. Neither of us is working significantly harder at work than the other or carrying the "breadwinner" burden, so that's not a source of stress. I guess I'm not looking for anything but to vent. I don't want to tell my close friends the depth of how bad things are until I know 100% it's over so I really have no one to talk to except DH. And I'm trying to stop crying to him about stuff, because I don't want him to feel bad or stay out of guilt. I just wish I was enough for him. |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry, OP. I hope that you can confide in one friend. You need to talk to someone. It'll help you. Best to you. |
Anonymous
| So sorry. I hope things work out for the best, whatever that may be, and you have some calm and peace about the situation. You certainly sound like you are trying hard to make it work, but not force anything that isn't real/true. |
Anonymous
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I am sorry, OP! You're gonna get comments that all relationships have these periods, which seem to go on forever. If you can both hang in there, you could move into another good period.
But, all couples, all marriages will have these issues. No two people are perfect together in the long run. No use finding someone else, unless it's terribly bad. Including affairs. You'll both just end up with the same caliber problems in a new relationship. And, you'll have to deal with co-parenting with an ex, too. Even when we're not in a bad spot, I still think that I could pick up all my belongings and just go somewhere alone forever. Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone. No babies and no other people. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, but I'm just not buying what you're selling. No way you give that many bj's and sex a week. If so, he'd be plenty happy. BTW, what do you consider a BJ ...... just softly kissing the dick head for a minute ? If so, a BJ isn't a BJ if he doesn't get to cum in your mouth half the time. What's the real sex issues ? You're not being honest here. |
Anonymous
You are a jerk and crude to boot. |
Anonymous
| What about him? It sounds like you are blaming yourself. Is he also looking for a new job to coordinate schedules? Is he a good dad? Are you doing counseling? You can't steer the ship by yourself. |
Anonymous
| (((hugs))) |
Anonymous
| So sorry OP. It sounds like you are really trying and I hope he is trying too. |
Anonymous
| You have sex 4-6x a week and he's upset that your drive is low? I'm confused. Are you just lying there like a cold fish? |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, that came out rude. I'm not sleeping and clearly bitter about it. I'm sorry that things aren't going well. I wonder if his/your expectations are way off base. Sometimes setting high expectations and not meeting them can be detrimental to a marriage. Have you gone to counseling? |
Anonymous
+1. You say you are not a good match and too different on things as if it is your fault and you have to try to change. If you see it as not being enough for him, I would say that he can't be enough for you either. At a minimum you want to be with someone that feels lucky to be with you, just as you do with him. Deeper than that, you should be compatible on the big things. |
Anonymous
+1. Are you trying counseling? Perhaps you are making things look more dire than they really are. I'd try both individual and couples counseling before throwing in the towel. |
Anonymous
| That much sex, no household chores, and he still isn't happy? Maybe you will be better off. I'm single with one kid, and my life isn't that stressful. |
Anonymous
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Wow. I can't believe you are buying what he's selling.
Sex 4-6 times a week and you are trying to INCREASE your drive? How could you possibly have more sex? Bent over the sink and toilet while you scrub, since he won't do any household work? OP, it's time to grow a spine here. Where is your anger? Because I get angry reading this. My vagina hurts for you. |