marriage crumbling, I'm just so sad tonight, need to vent

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, op I couldn't live with a man like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do have times of anger, and yes I do think my husband has terribly high expectations. Of course there are issues I didn't get into, I'm not claiming I'm a perfect wife in any way, he does have some legitimate complaints, but this is my thread to complain and vent, not his.

Yes, we really have sex 4-6x a week, possibly more at times. I don't think his complaint is that's not enough as much as my work interferes with him being able to have sex every day. I don't know, sometimes I don't even get it and I've heard his spiel many times. And God forbid I get my period, he takes that as a personal insult. My BJs are good, I don't finish him every time but it's not just "kissing the tip". But in general his desires are for an "anything goes" kind of woman, one who doesn't object to whatever he comes up, anal, sex outside, threesome, etc. I don't have that in me...yes we've tried it all but I didn't say yes quick enough to these suggestions or often enough for my "yesses" to matter. He just remembers I said no at first and forgets he got what he wanted in the end. Me saying no at first takes the fun out of it.

I know counseling and therapy would be helpful. He will not go. I haven't gotten my courage up for individual counseling. I know that sounds dumb and weak. I know I sound pretty pathetic in my posts. There is a lot of mutual resentments between us. I firmly believe we could get past it and work things out. I have zero desire to start over, attempt to coparent, etc. He wants the opportunity to have the sex life I've described above.

Is he a good father?

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want a wife, he wants a sex slave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want a wife, he wants a sex slave.

Yes, this is what I was thinking too. His expectations are totally unreasonable. You deserve better. I hope you find it.

[Anonymous]

If he isn't abusive, he's certainly unreasonable. It's not that you aren't enough for him; it's that he doesn't want a mature adult relationship.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do have times of anger, and yes I do think my husband has terribly high expectations. Of course there are issues I didn't get into, I'm not claiming I'm a perfect wife in any way, he does have some legitimate complaints, but this is my thread to complain and vent, not his.

Yes, we really have sex 4-6x a week, possibly more at times. I don't think his complaint is that's not enough as much as my work interferes with him being able to have sex every day. I don't know, sometimes I don't even get it and I've heard his spiel many times. And God forbid I get my period, he takes that as a personal insult. My BJs are good, I don't finish him every time but it's not just "kissing the tip". But in general his desires are for an "anything goes" kind of woman, one who doesn't object to whatever he comes up, anal, sex outside, threesome, etc. I don't have that in me...yes we've tried it all but I didn't say yes quick enough to these suggestions or often enough for my "yesses" to matter. He just remembers I said no at first and forgets he got what he wanted in the end. Me saying no at first takes the fun out of it.

I know counseling and therapy would be helpful. He will not go. I haven't gotten my courage up for individual counseling. I know that sounds dumb and weak. I know I sound pretty pathetic in my posts. There is a lot of mutual resentments between us. I firmly believe we could get past it and work things out. I have zero desire to start over, attempt to coparent, etc. He wants the opportunity to have the sex life I've described above.

This. OP you need to get help now because you are being walked all over. You need to get angry. He is being absolutely unacceptable (and good luck to him out there. He'll find a bunch of one-night-stands and then, when that gets old, he'll find himself very alone.) Go to a counselor asap before your depression worsens.

[Anonymous]

So when you gave in to his demands for "anything goes" activities, did you do so because he convinced you it would be fun or did you do it just to give him what he wanted? If the latter, sounds like a pretty abusive relationship to me. Please get counseling ASAP and try to figure out why you are putting up with such a one-sided relationship. You owe your child that. Think about the example you are setting for your child's future relationships, if that's what it takes to motivate you to get help. You didn't just come here to vent, you came here for some perspective and to get the kick in the pants you know you need to get help.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he wants you to satisfy his requirements for intimacy without satisfying yours. There's a similar sexual dynamic in my marriage, but we aren't in dire straits because things are copacetic outside the bedroom (DH is an equal partner around the house, we have fun together, great chats, etc.). DH isn't satisfied with anything less than 5-6x a week and would love for us to be more adventurous, too, and I've been clear that I need more physical affection before and after. We try very hard to meet in the middle because we acknowledge neither of us are naturally what the other person needs. Has your DH acknowledged the ways in which he isn't meeting YOUR needs? I would hope he's open to therapy and am concerned that maybe there's some symptoms of sexual addiction at play here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't want a wife, he wants a sex slave.

+1 especially with the perspective of no housework on his part and not wanting any kids

[Anonymous]

OP , firstly you are not alone. With a full time job, housework with no help and a kid to take care of, you are doing more than your fair share. You deserve better than this loser, who only cares about his needs. Stop being scared and stop doing so much for him. Get help and leave the loser if it comes to that.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are the two of you? How many relationships did you have before him? It sounds to me like you have to sell your soul to the devil to make this work. He's convinced himself that you aren't what he wants sexually and I hate to say it, but he sounds way to narcissistic to be able to see and work on this relationship from a reasonable perspective. No amount of counseling is going to help him. You need to see a therapist to get some perspective of what a healthy relationship feels like and how it works from day-to-day. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Individual counseling stat. He doesn't sound at all concerned with your needs, desires, or building a loving, stable marriage and family. Being coerced into sexual activities and then being punished for not wanting them off the bat is manipulative and very, very unloving. It's one thing to encourage a partner to expand his/her horizons, or to try to work on sexual compatibility when desires don't match up completely, its another to expect one partner to be--as someone else put it--a sex slave (unless that's your thing...). His expectations are unrealistic and his treatment of you is cruel.

As painful as divorce is, I think you will be better off without him. He sounds like he should not be married at all and it sounds like he will never be satisfied with you (or any woman long term) but continue to blame you for it. Its a no win situation for you, OP.

[Anonymous]

There was a DH who posted a few weeks ago, asking for advice on how to make his wife happy. His wife didn't cook, clean, or work, but he was looking for ways to make things easier on HER.

Go find that guy and marry him.

[Anonymous]

OP, really listen to this ...
He doesn't want to do counseling / therapy, he demands a lot from you, doesn't seem like you get much out of it.

Get out, please, he doesn't love you.

Some of the things you say make me thing he is borderline emotionally abusive.

I know, your child, it is hard, but please, if you don't leave, you will be thankful one day that he left you.

HE DOESNT DESERVE YOU