marriage crumbling, I'm just so sad tonight, need to vent
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Anonymous
| OP, please take control of your own life and don't sit around waiting for the hammer to drop. Why are you looking at December and waiting for him to divorce you. You don't serve at his pleasure. You need to get some confidence and focus on making yourself happy rather than expending so much energy out of fear focused on making someone else happy. |
Anonymous
| Maybe it's 4-6x per month? |
Anonymous
Completely agree with this post. Seriously, OP, you have a lack of perspective on your marriage that's startling, not to mention upsetting. You're being treated very badly, and don't seem to realize it. Kudos to you, PP, btw. You have a way with words. Last sentence is priceless. |
Anonymous
| Please marry me. Your husband is a douche canoe. He will never be pleased with anyone, not just you. It will never be enough. Take care of yourself and child. |
Anonymous
That's just what I was thinking. It sounds like he's given you a period of time to change things and it's all on you - steering the ship by yourself is a great image, but it's an impossible burden to carry all by yourself. |
Anonymous
Oh, OP, you sound like you have fallen hard for a jerk. {{{sorry!}}} You can't help who you love, but it sounds lke you are giving and giving and he is taking and taking. maybe after the tears, you will see him differently. Or maybe you can put it all back together somehow. I am sorry. 
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Anonymous
Yeah, me too. |
Anonymous
| Honestly, with all you are doing, I think you are getting the short stick. I think you might feel better if you stand up for yourself and get some therapy. |
Anonymous
| You are being a pushover. Multiple BJ's, sex 4-6x/week, no housework. Why don't you try making him chase you for once. |
Anonymous
| I have to join the other posters -- what is he doing to try to get the marriage on track before this deadline? Is he putting in any effort at all, or just biding his time until he feels like he can get out guilt-free? |
Anonymous
| People have great difficulty finding out that life on this Earth , while it has it's high points, is disappointing at the end of the day. God makes it that way so that eventually you are ready to go to heaven mentally. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. I do have times of anger, and yes I do think my husband has terribly high expectations. Of course there are issues I didn't get into, I'm not claiming I'm a perfect wife in any way, he does have some legitimate complaints, but this is my thread to complain and vent, not his.
Yes, we really have sex 4-6x a week, possibly more at times. I don't think his complaint is that's not enough as much as my work interferes with him being able to have sex every day. I don't know, sometimes I don't even get it and I've heard his spiel many times. And God forbid I get my period, he takes that as a personal insult. My BJs are good, I don't finish him every time but it's not just "kissing the tip". But in general his desires are for an "anything goes" kind of woman, one who doesn't object to whatever he comes up, anal, sex outside, threesome, etc. I don't have that in me...yes we've tried it all but I didn't say yes quick enough to these suggestions or often enough for my "yesses" to matter. He just remembers I said no at first and forgets he got what he wanted in the end. Me saying no at first takes the fun out of it. I know counseling and therapy would be helpful. He will not go. I haven't gotten my courage up for individual counseling. I know that sounds dumb and weak. I know I sound pretty pathetic in my posts. There is a lot of mutual resentments between us. I firmly believe we could get past it and work things out. I have zero desire to start over, attempt to coparent, etc. He wants the opportunity to have the sex life I've described above. |
Anonymous
|
I'm sorry, OP. This sounds painful and depressing. I echo what others say--barring major issues you did not mention, it sounds like your DH is placing the blame for the lack of compatibility or satisfaction on you--eg, you're the one trying to increase your drive/sexual effort (which seems far more than adequate at this point--does he expect more??), change your jobs (is your schedule more difficult than his), etc. Doesn't sound like a team at all.
Have you two been to counseling? I think that you should, even if its to discuss amicable co-parenting. I also think you need to work on a couple tracks at a time. First, counseling if you haven't. Secondly, start to think about a trial separation plan i--push for that rather than filing immediately, because you/he may find that single parenting/single income brings a lot more stress/unhappiness than anticipated (on the other hand, after the inevitable wave of depression, you may eventually find that you are happier no longer being constantly seen as falling short of your husband's seemingly unrealistic expectations).Where will you live, what kind of custody, with your schedules, etc. Finally, you need to quietly see a divorce lawyer before December just to get the lay of the land. I'm very sorry. Hopefully you will ultimatley find a resolution that is happier than your current state, which sounds terribly depressing. |
Anonymous
| He is abusive. Divorce. |
Anonymous
| Wow. Even your yesses aren't fast enough. Unreal. |