Why do you cheat??

[Anonymous]

MrUnreal wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For better or for worse"....unless the sex is bad

Conditional love seems to be the norm these days.

Such a naive and childish view of the world. Life and relationships are more complex than your old sayings.

Yes, fidelity and integrity are childish, you and your naughty sex are sooo grown up. What's it like, being one of the cool kids?

Although I agree that cheating is the easy way out - having your cake and eating it too (to use an old saying) - I definitely don't thing "For better or for worse" should be a reason to remain in an emotionless, sexless prison. Either work on it, or get out. But getting out is (and must be) an option. You only have one life. You are the sole author of the dictionary that defines you.

This.

Then let's take a look at this in the context of, say - ALS, since it is highly publicized these days. So, if your spouse is diagnosed with a neuro muscular degenerative disease and can no longer participate in a full sex life, and if - God forbid - should actually require YOU to care for him/her, your vow shouldn't count? You only have one life, so live it selfishly?

You should never have gotten married if that is your attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

MrUnreal wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For better or for worse"....unless the sex is bad

Conditional love seems to be the norm these days.

Such a naive and childish view of the world. Life and relationships are more complex than your old sayings.

Yes, fidelity and integrity are childish, you and your naughty sex are sooo grown up. What's it like, being one of the cool kids?

Although I agree that cheating is the easy way out - having your cake and eating it too (to use an old saying) - I definitely don't thing "For better or for worse" should be a reason to remain in an emotionless, sexless prison. Either work on it, or get out. But getting out is (and must be) an option. You only have one life. You are the sole author of the dictionary that defines you.

This.

Then let's take a look at this in the context of, say - ALS, since it is highly publicized these days. So, if your spouse is diagnosed with a neuro muscular degenerative disease and can no longer participate in a full sex life, and if - God forbid - should actually require YOU to care for him/her, your vow shouldn't count? You only have one life, so live it selfishly?

You should never have gotten married if that is your attitude.

If I got ALS I would absolutely insist my DW find a lover. How cruel do you have to be to force your spouse into being both your caretaker and live a celibate life. If you loved your spouse you would grant them the chance at sexual fulfilling life.

Who on earth thinks otherwise?

[Anonymous]

If you like your spouse, have a good sex life etc., and still want to cheat, it could be that you are missing the euphoria of a crush and so you want to cheat.

When you are younger, you have a fantasy of what romance, love and sex will be like. Then as you mature, you move away from the fantasy and base a relationship on more real things.

The desire to cheat comes from trying to recapture the feeling of giddiness when you were an adolescent and had your first crush. It (desire to cheat) is a moment of weakness but if you can stop thinking and rational thoughts - it is the most euphoric feeling.

[Anonymous]

I met my wife on Yahoo personals and married her after four months. I was lonely and in between extensive business travel. She left me, and then came back. She didn't have a job or healthcare insurance. There were no kids. I didn't trust lawyers and had to wait 18 months before I could legally separate and file for divorce.

[Anonymous]

My wife was my high school sweetheart and my "first" everything. Every time I tried to break up with her, she made me feel guilty about "taking" her virginity. Years later she made me feel guilty about taking her youth, and she threatened to kill herself of I didn't marry her. Years into the marriage, she made me feel guilty for not having kids with her. Once the two kids we eventually had were in school, I started cheating. I am now finally divorcing her and breaking free of her.

I know no one can make you feel guilty. But for years she thought she had power over me because she had sex with me. Our families were both pressuring us to stay together. She literally threatened to commit suicide if I didn't marry her.

Until I met another woman and cheated, I didn't know how truly miserable and unhappy I was. I had the strength to leave after three decades of her emotional torment and blackmail.

[Anonymous]

My wife married me to get out of her parents' house. I knew it was just the next stage in our relationship for her. She never really loved me. I cheated and fell in love and understood I was happier and more compatible with the other woman. I cheated because I couldn't leave right away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife married me to get out of her parents' house. I knew it was just the next stage in our relationship for her. She never really loved me. I cheated and fell in love and understood I was happier and more compatible with the other woman. I cheated because I couldn't leave right away.

Are you now divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife was my high school sweetheart and my "first" everything. Every time I tried to break up with her, she made me feel guilty about "taking" her virginity. Years later she made me feel guilty about taking her youth, and she threatened to kill herself of I didn't marry her. Years into the marriage, she made me feel guilty for not having kids with her. Once the two kids we eventually had were in school, I started cheating. I am now finally divorcing her and breaking free of her.

I know no one can make you feel guilty. But for years she thought she had power over me because she had sex with me. Our families were both pressuring us to stay together. She literally threatened to commit suicide if I didn't marry her.

Until I met another woman and cheated, I didn't know how truly miserable and unhappy I was. I had the strength to leave after three decades of her emotional torment and blackmail.

You don't really take responsibility for your part. She "made" you feel this and "made" you feel that. You married her because she threatened suicide.
She sounds horrible and I'm glad you finally got out but she didn't make you do anything - there was a toxic dynamic between the two of you and you were unable to extricate yourself, for whatever reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For better or for worse"....unless the sex is bad

Conditional love seems to be the norm these days.

Such a naive and childish view of the world. Life and relationships are more complex than your old sayings.

You have the option NOT to take those vows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MrUnreal wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For better or for worse"....unless the sex is bad

Conditional love seems to be the norm these days.

Such a naive and childish view of the world. Life and relationships are more complex than your old sayings.

Yes, fidelity and integrity are childish, you and your naughty sex are sooo grown up. What's it like, being one of the cool kids?

Although I agree that cheating is the easy way out - having your cake and eating it too (to use an old saying) - I definitely don't thing "For better or for worse" should be a reason to remain in an emotionless, sexless prison. Either work on it, or get out. But getting out is (and must be) an option. You only have one life. You are the sole author of the dictionary that defines you.

This.

Then let's take a look at this in the context of, say - ALS, since it is highly publicized these days. So, if your spouse is diagnosed with a neuro muscular degenerative disease and can no longer participate in a full sex life, and if - God forbid - should actually require YOU to care for him/her, your vow shouldn't count? You only have one life, so live it selfishly?

You should never have gotten married if that is your attitude.

If I got ALS I would absolutely insist my DW find a lover. How cruel do you have to be to force your spouse into being both your caretaker and live a celibate life. If you loved your spouse you would grant them the chance at sexual fulfilling life.

Who on earth thinks otherwise?

Woman here and I agree!!

[Anonymous]

DH and I swing and do hard swaps and threesomes. I can kind of understand why some people cheat for the reasons mentioned here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I swing and do hard swaps and threesomes. I can kind of understand why some people cheat for the reasons mentioned here.

How did this start in your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

MrUnreal wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"For better or for worse"....unless the sex is bad

Conditional love seems to be the norm these days.

Such a naive and childish view of the world. Life and relationships are more complex than your old sayings.

Yes, fidelity and integrity are childish, you and your naughty sex are sooo grown up. What's it like, being one of the cool kids?

Although I agree that cheating is the easy way out - having your cake and eating it too (to use an old saying) - I definitely don't thing "For better or for worse" should be a reason to remain in an emotionless, sexless prison. Either work on it, or get out. But getting out is (and must be) an option. You only have one life. You are the sole author of the dictionary that defines you.

This.

Then let's take a look at this in the context of, say - ALS, since it is highly publicized these days. So, if your spouse is diagnosed with a neuro muscular degenerative disease and can no longer participate in a full sex life, and if - God forbid - should actually require YOU to care for him/her, your vow shouldn't count? You only have one life, so live it selfishly?

You should never have gotten married if that is your attitude.

If I got ALS I would absolutely insist my DW find a lover. How cruel do you have to be to force your spouse into being both your caretaker and live a celibate life. If you loved your spouse you would grant them the chance at sexual fulfilling life.

Who on earth thinks otherwise?

I think otherwise. ALS would kill me in a few years, at which time my widowed spouse can go crazy.

But then, if my spouse were diagnosed with a deadly disease, I wouldn't want to go have sex with anyone else, either. Marriage is a partnership.

[Anonymous]

For men, it is just too difficult to resist the temptation of another female.

Men are just hard-wired differently than women are. It's in their nature.

Not to say it is okay what they do, but a man would need to have extraordinary impulse control to say NO to another woman's advances.

[Anonymous]

For those men who have cheated:

(1) Have your wives given birth?
(2) Have the women with whom you are cheating given birth?
(3) Given that men tend to be very visual and since a lot of the prior responses on this thread suggest men cheat for sex (rather than love / intimacy), are there any physical differences between your wives and the other women that draw you to the other women? For example, if they've never been pregnant / given birth, is part of the allure their physique - perkier breasts, no stretch marks, and perhaps most importantly, tighter vaginas? If that wasn't what initially drew you to the other woman (without kids), did you notice that difference while with the other woman (tighter vagina, perkier breasts)?