Why do you cheat??

[Anonymous]

I would love to know that also.. How does it start? Where did you meet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An np also trying to understand.
In your experience, most of the time, is it the man or the woman who "close the deal"/ made the actual final suggestion to "hey let's do the affair"?

Man. Mine built over time, and then one day at work, we looked at each other and she just said "are we going to do this?"

To address 7:25- in my opinion, a lot of affairs have a component of some kind of inner pain in the cheating person. I think the spouse ends up triggering that pain, and so becomes the scapegoat for the affair. I'm certainly not saying this is universal, but I do think most affairs don't just happen because someone was super horny. It's for this reason that I don't accept the attitude that affairs are by immoral, bad people. I see it instead as being done by flawed people who, whether they realize it or not, are in pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An np also trying to understand.
In your experience, most of the time, is it the man or the woman who "close the deal"/ made the actual final suggestion to "hey let's do the affair"?

Man. Mine built over time, and then one day at work, we looked at each other and she just said "are we going to do this?"

To address 7:25- in my opinion, a lot of affairs have a component of some kind of inner pain in the cheating person. I think the spouse ends up triggering that pain, and so becomes the scapegoat for the affair. I'm certainly not saying this is universal, but I do think most affairs don't just happen because someone was super horny. It's for this reason that I don't accept the attitude that affairs are by immoral, bad people. I see it instead as being done by flawed people who, whether they realize it or not, are in pain.

Easy out.

I'm flawed! Look at how flawed I am! So flawed I can't be responsible for my actions! Sorry, spouse, but I'm flawed, and if it hurts you, well, too bad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

My spouse cheated with someone 10 years older and 50lbs heavier than me, who also has severe financial problems. But the other woman is fun and easy to be around, and way less complicated than me. Spouse could go drinking with this woman and not feel insecure or not smart enough. Some people are looking to trade up when they have an affair, but more people are looking for anyone who can give them exactly what they don't feel they get a home-and that's not necessarily younger/hotter.

I am nominating this as the best answer to OPs question.

And sorry that your spouse cheated on you PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

My spouse cheated with someone 10 years older and 50lbs heavier than me, who also has severe financial problems. But the other woman is fun and easy to be around, and way less complicated than me. Spouse could go drinking with this woman and not feel insecure or not smart enough. Some people are looking to trade up when they have an affair, but more people are looking for anyone who can give them exactly what they don't feel they get a home-and that's not necessarily younger/hotter.

I am nominating this as the best answer to OPs question.

And sorry that your spouse cheated on you PP.

Affairs being to give the cheating spouse the thing they aren't getting at home was the subject of an Athol Kay blog post a month or two ago:
http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/07/why-was-her-affair-partner-worse-than-me/

"[P]eople tend to get into affairs based on getting what their current relationship lacks.
. . .
If you’re broke, it’s a guy with a good income that’s the threat.
If you’re fat, it’s the in shape guy that’s the threat.
If you’re ignoring her, it’s the guy that can emotionally connect and hold a conversation that’s the threat.
If you’re boring, it’s the guy that’s fun that’s the threat.
If your penis is non-functional, it’s the guy with a working dick that’s the threat.
If you’re [insert weak point], it’s the guy [strong at your weak point] that’s the threat."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An np also trying to understand.
In your experience, most of the time, is it the man or the woman who "close the deal"/ made the actual final suggestion to "hey let's do the affair"?

Man. Mine built over time, and then one day at work, we looked at each other and she just said "are we going to do this?"

To address 7:25- in my opinion, a lot of affairs have a component of some kind of inner pain in the cheating person. I think the spouse ends up triggering that pain, and so becomes the scapegoat for the affair. I'm certainly not saying this is universal, but I do think most affairs don't just happen because someone was super horny. It's for this reason that I don't accept the attitude that affairs are by immoral, bad people. I see it instead as being done by flawed people who, whether they realize it or not, are in pain.

Easy out.

I'm flawed! Look at how flawed I am! So flawed I can't be responsible for my actions! Sorry, spouse, but I'm flawed, and if it hurts you, well, too bad!

I was really expressing the idea the affairs might have an origin more complex than simply being a bad person. No where in what I wrote did I insinuate that a cheating spouse isn't responsible. I understand that it's much easier to paint the world in stark black and white, but that's not realistic. By understanding yourself, your baggage, and your scars, you can avoid things like affairs. And if you have an empathetic partner, they just might be available to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those men who have cheated:

(1) Have your wives given birth?
(2) Have the women with whom you are cheating given birth?
(3) Given that men tend to be very visual and since a lot of the prior responses on this thread suggest men cheat for sex (rather than love / intimacy), are there any physical differences between your wives and the other women that draw you to the other women? For example, if they've never been pregnant / given birth, is part of the allure their physique - perkier breasts, no stretch marks, and perhaps most importantly, tighter vaginas? If that wasn't what initially drew you to the other woman (without kids), did you notice that difference while with the other woman (tighter vagina, perkier breasts)?

It isn't always the case that the OW is more attractive than the wife. Sometimes it is quite the opposite. I speak from experience.

In a study of cheating men, only 11% found the other woman more attractive than their wufe. Difference is that OW wanted to fuck them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

My spouse cheated with someone 10 years older and 50lbs heavier than me, who also has severe financial problems. But the other woman is fun and easy to be around, and way less complicated than me. Spouse could go drinking with this woman and not feel insecure or not smart enough. Some people are looking to trade up when they have an affair, but more people are looking for anyone who can give them exactly what they don't feel they get a home-and that's not necessarily younger/hotter.

I am nominating this as the best answer to OPs question.

And sorry that your spouse cheated on you PP.

Affairs being to give the cheating spouse the thing they aren't getting at home was the subject of an Athol Kay blog post a month or two ago:
http://marriedmansexlife.com/2014/07/why-was-her-affair-partner-worse-than-me/

"[P]eople tend to get into affairs based on getting what their current relationship lacks.
. . .
If you’re broke, it’s a guy with a good income that’s the threat.
If you’re fat, it’s the in shape guy that’s the threat.
If you’re ignoring her, it’s the guy that can emotionally connect and hold a conversation that’s the threat.
If you’re boring, it’s the guy that’s fun that’s the threat.
If your penis is non-functional, it’s the guy with a working dick that’s the threat.
If you’re [insert weak point], it’s the guy [strong at your weak point] that’s the threat."

This exactly!!!

I've never had an affair, but I sure have been tempted. It is a struggle to stay monogamous. Guys that attract me are exactly the opposite of what bothers me most about my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I've never had an affair, but I sure have been tempted. It is a struggle to stay monogamous. Guys that attract me are exactly the opposite of what bothers me most about my DH.

Yup. But I'll bet if your DH wasn't in the picture, you might not have much use for a lot of those guys because they are weak in areas where you DH is pretty solid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I've never had an affair, but I sure have been tempted. It is a struggle to stay monogamous. Guys that attract me are exactly the opposite of what bothers me most about my DH.

Yup. But I'll bet if your DH wasn't in the picture, you might not have much use for a lot of those guys because they are weak in areas where you DH is pretty solid.

True. I stay faithful because at the end of the day, there really is no man I'd rather be with...though I wouldn't pass up a hall pass if I were given one, which will never happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to know that also.. How does it start? Where did you meet?

go to Ashley Madison. Everyone is there for the same reasons so there's no bullshitting beating around the brush trying to find out if someone is interested or not

[Anonymous]

In a study of cheating men, only 11% found the other woman more attractive than their wufe. Difference is that OW wanted to fuck them.

IMHO I believe that is spot on completely true.

I've had 2 affairs. Neither as beautiful as my wife. My wife was blessed with every kind of good gene you can think of. Slim body with naturally DD tits that still don't sag. No stretch marks or veins. No cellulite. All this at 54 yrs.
All that beauty doesn't compete with a woman that actually enjoys sex with me. There's not an imperfection on a woman's body that matters if she desires me. OTOH, my beautiful queen wife doesn't think she has to lift a finger for me.

[Anonymous]

Male cheating is no big deal, there's no risk of paternity fraud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW here, my affair partners have always been better looking than DH and my DH is good looking. I will never "affair down", WTF? What would be the fun in that? If you are going to fuck around, shouldn't it be with someone irresistible?

Shallow AND disloyal. You may win "worst person of the thread"...

[Anonymous]

Here's what is annoying to me -- I'm one of those DWs with a stretched out vag from one kid, an ugly c-section scar from another, horrible stretch marks across my stomach and thighs from carrying those children and boobs that have gone to hell from a year of nursing each. I'm also exhausted from working full time and running around after two young kids. My DH could easily have affairs despite becoming a parent, especially since he travels so often for work. And I wouldn't blame him since we rarely have sex any more. Me, not so much even though I'd be interested. I don't know many mothers of young children who have the time even if their body had bounced right back. Not fair.