Why do you cheat??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those men who have cheated:

(1) Have your wives given birth?
(2) Have the women with whom you are cheating given birth?
(3) Given that men tend to be very visual and since a lot of the prior responses on this thread suggest men cheat for sex (rather than love / intimacy), are there any physical differences between your wives and the other women that draw you to the other women? For example, if they've never been pregnant / given birth, is part of the allure their physique - perkier breasts, no stretch marks, and perhaps most importantly, tighter vaginas? If that wasn't what initially drew you to the other woman (without kids), did you notice that difference while with the other woman (tighter vagina, perkier breasts)?

1. Yes - 2, vaginally
2. No - no kids
3. Yes - perkier tits and tighter pussy for sure

Not saying it's right or fair, but it is what it is. Wife was very tight before kids but now isn't. She did keels all day, every day for years, but it didn't seem to make a difference. Her tits are still fairly perky even after breast feeding both kids for a year each, but they're certainly not what they used to be. The more stretched out vagina is the bigger issue for me but, then again, although I'm long, I'm rather thin. I'm not faulting her at all. She gave birth to our two beautiful kids but to say things are anywhere near the same down there is just lying.

Ew. Your wife should have known that a grown man who uses the terms "tits" and "pussy" was a douche. Oh, and a douche with a small penis. She really picked a winner.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to say blech!

[Anonymous]

Wow, this is a depressing thread.

[Anonymous]

It took 30 yrs, but my wife finally lets me use the words pussy and tits without chastising me. Hey, that's the terms us guys use ........ why is it so offensive to some women. They're not meant to be disrespectful words

[Anonymous]

MarriedManHunting wrote: Thicker ones feel ten times better than thin ones, even if it's long
Mmmm, Thank you for reminding me that I have a Dick women crave, lol. Short but ever so thick.

My 2 affairs were beautiful women over the last 2 yrs. One was a 10, plain and simply out of this world beautiful bod that was 20 yrs younger. The other one was exceptional for being 49. She was the kinkiest woman I've ever known. We did everything sexually you can think of.

However, the beauty and newness had nothing to do with why I cheated. It was for one reason only. Lack of Sex. I grew tired of begging and hoping over 30 yrs after having sex avg of 2-3x yr. In the last 2 yrs, something happened with her, and now we have sex 2-3 mth. That's a HUGE increase for me. BUT, it's too little too late. I have such huge resentment that I was denied all those yrs. I'm looking for another Affair now while I can still get erect. I'm not going to let her steal the rest of what sex life I have. 2-3x a mth, while I have to JO every day, just doesn't cut it.

I still have huge issues of guilt because I'm just not wired to cheat. My DW is my best friend and it kills me to do this to her. I couldn't even get erect until after several sessions with my AP because of the guilt. It really does make me so sad and angry that it has come to this. I just have to keep reminding myself that my DW is also the woman that has caused me immeasurable pain by rejection after all those yrs. Sometimes I could just cry thinking about it all. All those thousands of times of having to masturbate, it damaged my soul beyond help. Sometimes the Anger about it is just sooo much to handle. I can't leave her though, I love her and never want her to be hurt. I'm going to hold her tight and let her know she means everything to me when she's on her death bed.

Is she ever catches me, and it's not plausible for me to deny it, I'm going to tell her the truth. It was all about sex. Divorce me if you must, but just know that I still love you. Now you DW can make the hard choice I had to make. I just hope you'll live with the pain of 30 yrs like I did before I took action. By that time, I might be dead, LOL

Thank you for reading and helping me to get this off my chest. Although no matter how many times I write about it, it never seems to help me.

That's because your real hurt is from her rejection, not the lack of sex. It is never too late to try again, until it is too late. You can stop hunting and live a new day tomorrow. That is what unconditional love is about.

Signed,
A married woman choosing not to be resentful in a very similar situation with her DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those men who have cheated:

(1) Have your wives given birth?
(2) Have the women with whom you are cheating given birth?
(3) Given that men tend to be very visual and since a lot of the prior responses on this thread suggest men cheat for sex (rather than love / intimacy), are there any physical differences between your wives and the other women that draw you to the other women? For example, if they've never been pregnant / given birth, is part of the allure their physique - perkier breasts, no stretch marks, and perhaps most importantly, tighter vaginas? If that wasn't what initially drew you to the other woman (without kids), did you notice that difference while with the other woman (tighter vagina, perkier breasts)?

1. Yes - 2, vaginally
2. No - no kids
3. Yes - perkier tits and tighter pussy for sure

Not saying it's right or fair, but it is what it is. Wife was very tight before kids but now isn't. She did keels all day, every day for years, but it didn't seem to make a difference. Her tits are still fairly perky even after breast feeding both kids for a year each, but they're certainly not what they used to be. The more stretched out vagina is the bigger issue for me but, then again, although I'm long, I'm rather thin. I'm not faulting her at all. She gave birth to our two beautiful kids but to say things are anywhere near the same down there is just lying.

Is that why you cheated? Because her vag isn't as tight? What a mensch you are.

women cheat because dick is small. men can not change the size of their dick.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Don't cheat on my DH and have never had the urge. Oddly enough, I sort of cheated on my ex-husband and ex-fiancé, both of whom were great lovers but could never bring me to orgasm. Or maybe I couldn't bring myself to orgasm, or maybe they weren't great lovers after all. So, what gives? Thinking back, after the honeymoon phase, there was nothing else, no mental challenge and I think, maybe, I was sabotaging the relationship. Also, I was young and impulsive rarely thinking or caring about consequences.

[Anonymous]

MarriedManHunting wrote:

However, the beauty and newness had nothing to do with why I cheated. It was for one reason only. Lack of Sex. I grew tired of begging and hoping over 30 yrs after having sex avg of 2-3x yr. In the last 2 yrs, something happened with her, and now we have sex 2-3 mth. That's a HUGE increase for me. BUT, it's too little too late. I have such huge resentment that I was denied all those yrs. I'm looking for another Affair now while I can still get erect. I'm not going to let her steal the rest of what sex life I have. 2-3x a mth, while I have to JO every day, just doesn't cut it.

Maybe she's having an affair and her libido has shot upwards, and sometimes she has to settle for you because you're the closest thing around, even though she knows you're cheating and she'd rather not have your cooties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok - then why do u stay with your spouse?

Cause he doesn't deserve half of our millions and because i kinda like him. And the kids like him too.

Wow. You sound awful, but honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will bite - here is my honest answer.

Male, 38 years old. Wife and 2 youngish kids at home. I have full blown cheated once and some less than full blown cheating a few other times. Most common reason is the same reason you pursue women when you are single. It is fun, sex feels good, sex with someone new feels even better. The other factor (I know you don't want to hear this, but I am trying to be honest) is that I do get very lonely by the lack of sex at home. I understand it is natural for women to lose libido with kids. And trust me, I have tried everything to rekindle the sex at home. I don't want to use this as an excuse. I will admit that it is selfish of me to cheat, but I would probably cheat less if at all if the sex life at home was better.

As for why I don't leave my wife, why would I? She is a wonderful wife and mother in every respect except in the bedroom. I see no reason to blast the kids into custody wars and split assets, etc. My wife and I genuinely enjoy our time together, and getting the occasional physical pleasure on the side helps relieve the tension in the house. I assume as I get older I will want sex less, she will want sex more, and the outside adventures will stop (or we will start swinging together).

I also suppose the fact that almost all men I know (in the upper middle class set) have cheated at some point so it seems normal, not a big deal, almost expected.

Most honest response I can give you.

Darling, is that you?

[Anonymous]

For everyone - Just curious, are most of your APs married or single? Do you think it is easier to start an affair with married or single people? It sounded like for married people, it could be difficult to tell if they are also on the same page with you in terms of being willing to take the risk/get over the guilt or whatever to have an actual affair with you. How do you tell they are over this point? (online affairs excluded)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone - Just curious, are most of your APs married or single? Do you think it is easier to start an affair with married or single people? It sounded like for married people, it could be difficult to tell if they are also on the same page with you in terms of being willing to take the risk/get over the guilt or whatever to have an actual affair with you. How do you tell they are over this point? (online affairs excluded)

I certainly think it is not so easy to find a ready AP. But then I am in my early 30s and I am talking of similar aged people..

[Anonymous]

I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For everyone - Just curious, are most of your APs married or single? Do you think it is easier to start an affair with married or single people? It sounded like for married people, it could be difficult to tell if they are also on the same page with you in terms of being willing to take the risk/get over the guilt or whatever to have an actual affair with you. How do you tell they are over this point? (online affairs excluded)

Man here. It is easier to find single women. Especially single women in their mid-30s, they seem the most open to an affair with a married man. I don't like hooking up with single people unless it is out of town on a one night stand. I prefer someone with something equal to lose. That being said, in my experience, despite all the talk above, it does not seem like there are a lot of happily married women who just want sex. Of the married women I know who have cheated, all are now divorced or on the way to being divorced. Perhaps that is my demographic of late-30s and the women who are more likely to cheat for pure recreational sex are older.

As to having the other woman get over the guilt, it has never come up. Although I am very clear with OW that I am happy in my marriage (even though it is near sexless) because I do not want to give the impression that I may become available down the road. It is cruel to give a single woman false hope that an affair could develop into more, although I know a lot of men do that because it does get you sex easier/quicker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 49 years old, attractive and married. Why would a guy want to go out w me when he can be w a 20 year old?

Because most men can't get a 20 year old, but even if they could, sexually confident older women are much better than young insecure women when it comes to sex.