Husband checking out nanny - concerned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was very inappropriate to the nanny for him to look her up and down. That is so wrong of him, even before considering that he's married.

Yes, this. He's her potential employer. It was a very classless thing to do to say the least.

Moreover, don't listen to the poster who told you to ramp things up in the bedroom. You don't need the extra stress of keeping your husband "entertained" so he doesn't stray, with a new baby and all. It's his responsibility not to stray, not yours to take on extra effort, esp. in such a situation. He made a vow to you, for heaven's sake. There's no such thing as a "fair weather" marriage.

If the nanny is really good, I'd hire her regardless of looks, after giving a very stern talk to my husband and warning that if there's any more checking out or anything inappropriate, he'll be the one bearing the consequences, not the lady. Then again, if I were that nanny, I'd have to be seriously hard pressed to accept a position where one of my potential employers things it's fine to check me out. I wouldn't feel safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Forgot to add, I would never hire an attractive nanny even if he had not checked her out. That is irrelevant. No attractive nannies under my roof.

This is good advice. Attractive ones might have a boyfriend and are used to getting attention. Less attractive ones are easier to sleep with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was very inappropriate to the nanny for him to look her up and down. That is so wrong of him, even before considering that he's married.

Men look at women daily so why is it " so wrong" to look at a nanny that way?

+1 It's a natural response for how men are wired. The question is what he does after that reaction, and we hope he wouldn't act on his base impulses.

Passing gas and burping is a natural impulse as well, and yet most people manage to control it. It's called manners.

I don't care if "men are wired" like that, checking out a potential employee is tacky and checking out another woman in front of your wife (or another man in front of your husband) is disrespectful. I'd expect my husband to have more respect than that for me AND for himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'll she is young but isn't that fit. She is about 20lbs overweight while I already have my figure back. What is that " emotional attraction" for a nanny? Do men become emotionally attracted to a woman caring for his child? Never heard that.

That's great for you (and I mean that sincerely), but it's also irrelevant since your husband was openly checking her out in front of you. He finds her attractive. And she would be living in your HOUSE. Why is this even a question for you? If you don't want to admit to any insecurity on your part to either yourself or DH (though it would be entirely sensible and justified), then think of some other reason not to hire her. But I don't think you need one. Whether you're skinnier than her or not, you would be foolish to invite a young woman who clearly tempts your husband to live with you.

[Anonymous]

Please discuss the emotionally attractive thing. I've heard of children and mothers, but fathers? Seems a little far fetched.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please discuss the emotionally attractive thing. I've heard of children and mothers, but fathers? Seems a little far fetched.

I think that was an interesting but irrelevant side note. OP, you should focus on what you saw with your own two eyes, not things that are easier for you to dismiss as "farfetched." I get that it's difficult to deal with what happened and the implications, but just nip it in the bud, hire a homely nanny, and hope this was a blip on your husband's part.

[Anonymous]

The lady doth protest too much, methinks. OP you say she is attractive, and 20 pounds overweight. How else do you know that, if you hadn't looked her up and down yourself?

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with daycare, people!!

[Anonymous]

a -why is your husband in charge of finding the nanny? My husband is a good guy and has good character but I would never put him in charge of this responsibility. As a mother I just can't fathom putting someone else in charge of finding a caregiver for my child. We would make the final decision together, but sorry, I would be in charge of the screening process myself. Men don't have a "mother's instinct"

b -the fact that he looked her up and down IN FRONT OF YOU is just flat out disrespectful to you and the nanny. You should have called him out on it immediately after she left. I am pretty disgusted by this in general. Does he do this often when you are out and about? I know guys look at women, but to do it so outright obvious is wrong.

c -you wouldn't have posted on here if you didn't feel something was off -you are second guessing the decision. That means you should NOT hire her

Take over the nanny search and find a nice old lady. No temptations, lots of experience, one less worry and stressor when the baby comes.

[Anonymous]

Did he whistle too as she walked away?
What makes you think the nanny will want him? anyhow, get a different nanny to save the nanny from your husband.

[Anonymous]

None of us know to what degree he was checking her up and down. But as a man, I can tell you that we check out EVERY woman we encounter. Many times if they are walking past, if we think we can get away with it, we turn our head and take a second look.

Women check out other women too, for other reasons, but they do it.

The only way this is bad is if he was outright staring at her with a long pause. But even then, it all comes down to trust. If you can't trust your husband, then you have larger issues.

[Anonymous]

Why are you hiring a female s he 26 and inder? Any female over age 16 is my a girl but a woman. Maybe if you tried to look more attractive. His eye wouldn't check out the girl. Having recently Having a baby is no excuse to look like a hag.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read the thread. Seems troll. Go with your gut. Is she a good nanny? Seems like you could be projecting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'll she is young but isn't that fit. She is about 20lbs overweight while I already have my figure back. What is that " emotional attraction" for a nanny? Do men become emotionally attracted to a woman caring for his child? Never heard that.

The sight of a fertile woman being loving and playful with a child is beautiful to a man.

Men instinctively understand and will have a special type of admiration for the young woman, and even more so if it is his child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We'll she is young but isn't that fit. She is about 20lbs overweight while I already have my figure back.

Sounds like YOU checked her out!!!