Husband seems to resent my not working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men need a lot of babying and get jealous of the children. Maybe try a date night OP where you talk about him and not the children. He might need to have his ego boosted. I get that women shouldn't have to do this, but that's how it works unfortunately.

That is so insulting to men. So the bar for expecting him to communicate what his feelings and wants are should be lowered? According to PP, the wife should just figure it out and meet his needs without him even articulating what they are. What responsibility does he have for being a partner in the marriage and telling what he needs?

Sorry but I totally agree with PP. Men need a lot of babysitting. This is why I don't want to be married again, just date. Men require way too much care and feeding.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps he is just feeling stressed about being a breadwinner. It is stressful, and it's hard to realize just how stressful it will be over the years when you're signing up for it when the kids are very little.

Maybe instead of a job for you (which could be its own logistical hassle and doesn't sound like what you guys want), perhaps you could offer to make and live on a budget for awhile that would be the budget of a lower-stress job for him. Pick a salary that might be in the range of what he would earn with a lower-stress, lower-paid job, try to live off of that for six months, and save up the extra money. It might give him the reassurance that you can live on less if you need, while at the same time you are helping (because living off of a tighter budget will likely require more out of you), so he might get more of a feeling of being on a team. In other words, you'd be putting your money where your mouth is as far as materialism, but without the change in lifestyle that would happen if you went back to work, and it's an easily reversible sort of thing.

Good luck, it sounds tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men need a lot of babying and get jealous of the children. Maybe try a date night OP where you talk about him and not the children. He might need to have his ego boosted. I get that women shouldn't have to do this, but that's how it works unfortunately.

That is so insulting to men. So the bar for expecting him to communicate what his feelings and wants are should be lowered? According to PP, the wife should just figure it out and meet his needs without him even articulating what they are. What responsibility does he have for being a partner in the marriage and telling what he needs?

Sorry but I totally agree with PP. Men need a lot of babysitting. This is why I don't want to be married again, just date. Men require way too much care and feeding.

Speak for yourself. I attract confident and secure men. Its sexy. I couldt date or marry a man child, so I never did! No divorce either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, I have two and I work full time. Once your kids are in school six to seven hours a day, that frees up a lot of time. I'm sorry, but groceries, cooking, cleaning, school activities, home repairs, etc., take up some time, but not 30 hours+ if you have basic organizational skills.

+100.

And this is why their husbands are fed up. It's stressful bring sole breadwinner. Throw in a wife that busts their balls for any bit of downtime or not taking the kids all weekend so she can have a 'break' and we see why men are fed up.

To all sons---don't fall for the woman that never plans to work once the kids come al

Who's fed up? I don't think it's most men.

Caring for your children when you're home is how you bond with them. I don't understand why a good parent would bitch about it.

[Anonymous]

Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Yuck. My husband would not respect a woman like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Yuck. My husband would not respect a woman like this

Yes, he would. Seriously, try it, you can dial way back the following week but when you do this he won't know what hit him.
You will notice that he's looking at you with a completely different set of eyes, he will be jumping to help you do things around the house, he will be so excited to come home to see you.

Or you can go on thinking that he wants to come home to a complaining, shrill fishwife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Ick

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Yuck. My husband would not respect a woman like this

Yes, he would. Seriously, try it, you can dial way back the following week but when you do this he won't know what hit him.
You will notice that he's looking at you with a completely different set of eyes, he will be jumping to help you do things around the house, he will be so excited to come home to see you.

Or you can go on thinking that he wants to come home to a complaining, shrill fishwife.

Is that you, Dr. Laura?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Ick

Treat him like he's a new boyfriend one or two days a week; you wouldn't subject your new boyfriend to a conversation about the long line at Harris Teeter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Yuck. My husband would not respect a woman like this

Yes, he would. Seriously, try it, you can dial way back the following week but when you do this he won't know what hit him.
You will notice that he's looking at you with a completely different set of eyes, he will be jumping to help you do things around the house, he will be so excited to come home to see you.

Or you can go on thinking that he wants to come home to a complaining, shrill fishwife.

Wow. There is a middle ground, BTW. I don't "dote" or change who I am, but I do try to make our home a welcoming safe haven for my husband and my children. The portraits you paint are too much out of a cartoon.

[Anonymous]

I hate to tell you, but I had my husband read this and he thought it was awful, not just because he felt had to be PC about it, but he said he has seen women like this and he does call them stepford wives. He prefers strong, independent women, who are also able to give and take as part of a loving partnership in life and in having a family.

[Anonymous]

It says right on that webpage that it's a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Read this: http://www.j-walk.com/other/goodwife/

do as it says for one week. Your husband will have love and sincere admiration for you spilling out of him. You can back off on some of the stepford stuff the following week but be sure to keep sex a priority and you'll soon discover your DH has a major crush on you.
Worked for me

Yuck. My husband would not respect a woman like this

Yes, he would. Seriously, try it, you can dial way back the following week but when you do this he won't know what hit him.
You will notice that he's looking at you with a completely different set of eyes, he will be jumping to help you do things around the house, he will be so excited to come home to see you.

Or you can go on thinking that he wants to come home to a complaining, shrill fishwife.

Haha, I don't have to do any of those things and my DH and I still have passion.

BTW, I don't like having a man-bitch husband, so I'm not interested in him jumping like a bellhop for me. It's not sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps he is just feeling stressed about being a breadwinner. It is stressful, and it's hard to realize just how stressful it will be over the years when you're signing up for it when the kids are very little.

Maybe instead of a job for you (which could be its own logistical hassle and doesn't sound like what you guys want), perhaps you could offer to make and live on a budget for awhile that would be the budget of a lower-stress job for him. Pick a salary that might be in the range of what he would earn with a lower-stress, lower-paid job, try to live off of that for six months, and save up the extra money. It might give him the reassurance that you can live on less if you need, while at the same time you are helping (because living off of a tighter budget will likely require more out of you), so he might get more of a feeling of being on a team. In other words, you'd be putting your money where your mouth is as far as materialism, but without the change in lifestyle that would happen if you went back to work, and it's an easily reversible sort of thing.

Good luck, it sounds tough.

+1. This is a really great idea. Voluntarily cutting back on discretionary spending is liberating. DW and I both work, but it's really a great feeling knowing you would be fine if you lost your job and had to take a lower paying one.