If your teen is bi, should you let him/her have same gender sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't allow sleepovers for our kids either. There are way too many potential pitfalls that could arise to make it worth it for the socialization. If you consider the pros/ cons, we just can't find the pros. As for a high schooler and sleeping over - I want to see them face to face each night and know what condition they are in.

Got it. I may feel the same way when I have a high schooler! What about sleepaway camp?

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP with the 13 year old. She is going to sleep away camp this summer. I guess I never thought about that as an issue. Oops.

But I am actually not really concerned about that. I am more concerned about the sleepover with the "girlfriend" and the potential for sexual situations and the emotional fallout from that for my DD in particular. As I said, she is already struggling with self esteem issues and depression. She is not emotionally ready in any way for a sexual relationship and the potential fallout from a break up in such a relationship.

I am more wondering in an intellectual way if I have any obligation to communicate with the parents of girls who invite her for sleepovers or she wants to invite. I mean platonic friends, not girlfriends.

To PP, I honestly don't know how common this is. It sure shocked the bejeebers out of me! Although I know that the high school has gay student organizations, so clearly it wasn't that far off. But in DD's grade, I know of 3 (DD, her girlfriend, and another friend). And the therapist and the school counselor both indicated to me that this is not an uncommon age for kids to start coming out, but that for some of these kids it is a persona/role playing exercise vs. a true sexual preference. And the kids don't know themselves if it is "real" or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the reason to be afraid of teen sex is pregnancy...seems like if you're still worried about sex this way then you just don't want her to enjoy herself.

BEST POST EVER!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am more wondering in an intellectual way if I have any obligation to communicate with the parents of girls who invite her for sleepovers or she wants to invite. I mean platonic friends, not girlfriends.

No. You have zero obligation. And really, what would you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin off from the previous thread about gay or bi teens. I have 2 DD who are under the age of 10, so this isn't an issue for me. But it seems to be rather trendy for teen girls to say that their bi. If one of my daughters ever said she was bi, I would be very supportive of her, but I wouldn't allow her to have sleepovers with girls for the same reasons I wouldn't allow them with boys. However, the idea of not letting my daughter have sleepovers with her friends seems very sad to me. Wondering how parents who are in this situation handle it.

Interesting question…just want to point out that there's something else there that's tricky. And that is the obligation to tell the other parent. Let's say my DD is lesbian and wants a sleepover. (Ok I agree with you for same reasons as you stated and wouldn't do it) but if I were going to do it, the other parent and kid needs to know this. But it might still be private info for your kid.

Anyways if my kid was doing a sleepover with anyone who might be interested sexually in my kid, I'd want to know.

OK. No experience here with parenting a bi kid. I will say as a young teen I went to sleepovers with girls and one of the girls ended up being bi (which was confirmed later). There was never any pressure for me to do anything and to my knowledge no one ever engaged in bi sexual activity although I will say, knowing what I know now, and looking back on things the "option was openly on the table". This was a long time ago and things are different now. Kids seem to push the boundaries more. My first thought when I saw this post was do the other parent's know but mine didn't. If I thought there would be sexual interaction then absolutely not but if it was just a bunch of girls and some happened to be bi, ehh..., you know your kid and their friends best. I do think there is a parental obligation here to set the rules, and a responsibility on your daughter to know and respect boundaries. I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OK. No experience here with parenting a bi kid. I will say as a young teen I went to sleepovers with girls and one of the girls ended up being bi (which was confirmed later). There was never any pressure for me to do anything and to my knowledge no one ever engaged in bi sexual activity although I will say, knowing what I know now, and looking back on things the "option was openly on the table". This was a long time ago and things are different now. Kids seem to push the boundaries more. My first thought when I saw this post was do the other parent's know but mine didn't. If I thought there would be sexual interaction then absolutely not but if it was just a bunch of girls and some happened to be bi, ehh..., you know your kid and their friends best. I do think there is a parental obligation here to set the rules, and a responsibility on your daughter to know and respect boundaries. I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure.

Let's transfer that thought to the locker room. There will be gay and bi kids in the locker room with your straight kids. Guaranteed. Should the parents of those gay and bi kids have to disclose to the parents of the straight kids?

The issue here is not -- gay and bi kids, the horror! The issue is inappropriate sexual behavior. There shouldn't be inappropriate sexual behavior, by any kids (or adults), of any sexual orientation, in any setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK. No experience here with parenting a bi kid. I will say as a young teen I went to sleepovers with girls and one of the girls ended up being bi (which was confirmed later). There was never any pressure for me to do anything and to my knowledge no one ever engaged in bi sexual activity although I will say, knowing what I know now, and looking back on things the "option was openly on the table". This was a long time ago and things are different now. Kids seem to push the boundaries more. My first thought when I saw this post was do the other parent's know but mine didn't. If I thought there would be sexual interaction then absolutely not but if it was just a bunch of girls and some happened to be bi, ehh..., you know your kid and their friends best. I do think there is a parental obligation here to set the rules, and a responsibility on your daughter to know and respect boundaries. I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure.

Let's transfer that thought to the locker room. There will be gay and bi kids in the locker room with your straight kids. Guaranteed. Should the parents of those gay and bi kids have to disclose to the parents of the straight kids?

The issue here is not -- gay and bi kids, the horror! The issue is inappropriate sexual behavior. There shouldn't be inappropriate sexual behavior, by any kids (or adults), of any sexual orientation, in any setting.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OK. No experience here with parenting a bi kid. I will say as a young teen I went to sleepovers with girls and one of the girls ended up being bi (which was confirmed later). There was never any pressure for me to do anything and to my knowledge no one ever engaged in bi sexual activity although I will say, knowing what I know now, and looking back on things the "option was openly on the table". This was a long time ago and things are different now. Kids seem to push the boundaries more. My first thought when I saw this post was do the other parent's know but mine didn't. If I thought there would be sexual interaction then absolutely not but if it was just a bunch of girls and some happened to be bi, ehh..., you know your kid and their friends best. I do think there is a parental obligation here to set the rules, and a responsibility on your daughter to know and respect boundaries. I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure.

Let's transfer that thought to the locker room. There will be gay and bi kids in the locker room with your straight kids. Guaranteed. Should the parents of those gay and bi kids have to disclose to the parents of the straight kids?

The issue here is not -- gay and bi kids, the horror! The issue is inappropriate sexual behavior. There shouldn't be inappropriate sexual behavior, by any kids (or adults), of any sexual orientation, in any setting.

Agreed!

When I said "I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure", I was not suggesting the parent needs to disclose her daughters sexual orientation but that the parent needs to set the rules and her daughter needs to understand, and respect, the rules and the boundaries of others by not putting bi sexual peer pressure on another ever. In other words, it is all about sexual behavior and inappropriate sexual behavior should not be tolerated

[Anonymous]

Are you serious? "Trendy" for teen girls to say they are bi? What does that even mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are okay with your kid having sex then have the sleepover. If you are not, then no.

I'm not ok with DC having sex with either gender, but with so many bi girls now, how do parents handle it?

What do you mean, "so many bi girls now?" That is crazy.

[Anonymous]

what about tri?

Try everything at least once!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I said "I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure", I was not suggesting the parent needs to disclose her daughters sexual orientation but that the parent needs to set the rules and her daughter needs to understand, and respect, the rules and the boundaries of others by not putting bi sexual peer pressure on another ever. In other words, it is all about sexual behavior and inappropriate sexual behavior should not be tolerated

I guess I'm not seeing the distinction between "bi sexual peer pressure" and "sexual peer pressure".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I said "I would be really pissed if my straight daughter (or son) went to a sleepover unknowingly and was subjected to bi sexual peer pressure", I was not suggesting the parent needs to disclose her daughters sexual orientation but that the parent needs to set the rules and her daughter needs to understand, and respect, the rules and the boundaries of others by not putting bi sexual peer pressure on another ever. In other words, it is all about sexual behavior and inappropriate sexual behavior should not be tolerated

I guess I'm not seeing the distinction between "bi sexual peer pressure" and "sexual peer pressure".

OK literal one. The post is about a bi sexual girl having a sleepover. That is what I responded to. Not that is applicable to the original post but since you feel the need to know, I would be very upset if my child experienced bi sexual or heterosexual peer pressure at a sleepover. So while I feel the parent doesn't need to disclose her daughters sexual preference they both have the responsibility to make sure sexual encounters of any type do not happen at a sleepover. In this case the parent needs to ensure the daughter knows the rules and respects the boundaries of others or, as a parent, I would not allow the sleepover.

Ever heard of "keeping on subject"?

[Anonymous]

I hope you've already talked to your teen about peer pressure and how you would like him/her to handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you've already talked to your teen about peer pressure and how you would like him/her to handle it.

Oh geez. You are draining me...