If your teen is bi, should you let him/her have same gender sleepovers?

[Anonymous]

How about sleepovers with what my (male) BF in high school referred to as "Smith House Rules"? Door open at least 6 inches and three out of four feet on the floor (increase those numbers accordingly for a larger group). He was my BF, but we also dated on and off from 14-21. We went on vacations with each other's families, always sleeping in separate rooms.

Another option is no entertaining anyone in the bedroom. Sleepovers can be in the playroom or family room.

Provide a modicum of privacy for conversations, but the possibility of someone walking by or coming in the room at any time.

[Anonymous]

Alright, here's one-

my son is 16, his girlfriend is 16. They've been dating for 4 years. Girlfriend's parents are divorced, lives with mom for the past year or so. Dad lives in another town. Mom is often not around, girlfriend and mom don't really get along. We love girlfriend to death, even though her family has red flags all over it, she's a great kid and spends a lot of time at our house.

Son asks us at midnight one saturday if she can sleep over. She had a huge fight with mom and was alone in her apartment, had been for several days. Girlfriend was really having a rough time. Son said he'd sleep on the couch or in the basement.

Would you allow your son's 16 year old girlfriend sleepover, without her parent's consent?

[Anonymous]

Sure you can have your 'girlfriend' sleep over. She can sleep in your room and you'll be on an air mattress in our room with us. Or mom will sleep with you all together in the playroom. Or the whole family. What's that you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alright, here's one-

my son is 16, his girlfriend is 16. They've been dating for 4 years. Girlfriend's parents are divorced, lives with mom for the past year or so. Dad lives in another town. Mom is often not around, girlfriend and mom don't really get along. We love girlfriend to death, even though her family has red flags all over it, she's a great kid and spends a lot of time at our house.

Son asks us at midnight one saturday if she can sleep over. She had a huge fight with mom and was alone in her apartment, had been for several days. Girlfriend was really having a rough time. Son said he'd sleep on the couch or in the basement.

Would you allow your son's 16 year old girlfriend sleepover, without her parent's consent?

Yes, as long as it is clear there will be no breaking house rules. I think the fact that she is a girl you love totally trumps all. She also has to leave a note telling her mom where she is, and if things go awry, you stand up for the choice you made.

[Anonymous]

Um, set the rules explicitly. No sex In the house, regardless of gender.

Next question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Alright, here's one-

my son is 16, his girlfriend is 16. They've been dating for 4 years. Girlfriend's parents are divorced, lives with mom for the past year or so. Dad lives in another town. Mom is often not around, girlfriend and mom don't really get along. We love girlfriend to death, even though her family has red flags all over it, she's a great kid and spends a lot of time at our house.

Son asks us at midnight one saturday if she can sleep over. She had a huge fight with mom and was alone in her apartment, had been for several days. Girlfriend was really having a rough time. Son said he'd sleep on the couch or in the basement.

Would you allow your son's 16 year old girlfriend sleepover, without her parent's consent?

Yes, as long as it is clear there will be no breaking house rules. I think the fact that she is a girl you love totally trumps all. She also has to leave a note telling her mom where she is, and if things go awry, you stand up for the choice you made.

+1

Ive never understood the rules about people dating not sleeping under the same roof. My parents were very strict, but a boyfriend was more than welcome to crash at our house -- in the guest room. I'll be happy to do the same for my kid. Don't abuse my trust and we have no problem. But the other parents need to be informed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Alright, here's one-

my son is 16, his girlfriend is 16. They've been dating for 4 years. Girlfriend's parents are divorced, lives with mom for the past year or so. Dad lives in another town. Mom is often not around, girlfriend and mom don't really get along. We love girlfriend to death, even though her family has red flags all over it, she's a great kid and spends a lot of time at our house.

Son asks us at midnight one saturday if she can sleep over. She had a huge fight with mom and was alone in her apartment, had been for several days. Girlfriend was really having a rough time. Son said he'd sleep on the couch or in the basement.

Would you allow your son's 16 year old girlfriend sleepover, without her parent's consent?

I would. Especially for a vulnerable kid like this. That's how you keep kids off the streets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are okay with your kid having sex then have the sleepover. If you are not, then no.

I'm not ok with DC having sex with either gender, but with so many bi girls now, how do parents handle it?

Is declaring onself bi really as popular/common as some of the posts on this thread suggest? My kids are not yet teens, so I'm out of the loop.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

And how about slumber parties and camp? Ban those too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

And how about slumber parties and camp? Ban those too?

It's very unfortunate to not allow these activities, that's for sure. But what alternative does a parent have? Especially if they are not OK with their young teen having sex (in any form).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

And how about slumber parties and camp? Ban those too?

It's very unfortunate to not allow these activities, that's for sure. But what alternative does a parent have? Especially if they are not OK with their young teen having sex (in any form).

I'd like to think I would talk about sex, trust and boundaries with my child, as I would if I assumed her to be straight.

For the person who said their kid wouldn't be traumatized, I'd ask what your teenage years would have been like if you hadn't been allowed to have sleepovers, participate in slumber parties, or go to camp. And then when asked why you couldn't participate, you had to say, "I can't. I told my parents I'm bisexual and now they don't trust me to sleep in the same room with other girls."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

And how about slumber parties and camp? Ban those too?

It's very unfortunate to not allow these activities, that's for sure. But what alternative does a parent have? Especially if they are not OK with their young teen having sex (in any form).

I'd like to think I would talk about sex, trust and boundaries with my child, as I would if I assumed her to be straight.

For the person who said their kid wouldn't be traumatized, I'd ask what your teenage years would have been like if you hadn't been allowed to have sleepovers, participate in slumber parties, or go to camp. And then when asked why you couldn't participate, you had to say, "I can't. I told my parents I'm bisexual and now they don't trust me to sleep in the same room with other girls."

I didn't go to slumber parties, have sleepovers or go to camp as a teen and I am just fine. No trauma at all, not even an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't allow it. I'm sure son or daughter won't be traumatized for life for not having sleepovers.

And how about slumber parties and camp? Ban those too?

It's very unfortunate to not allow these activities, that's for sure. But what alternative does a parent have? Especially if they are not OK with their young teen having sex (in any form).

I'd like to think I would talk about sex, trust and boundaries with my child, as I would if I assumed her to be straight.

For the person who said their kid wouldn't be traumatized, I'd ask what your teenage years would have been like if you hadn't been allowed to have sleepovers, participate in slumber parties, or go to camp. And then when asked why you couldn't participate, you had to say, "I can't. I told my parents I'm bisexual and now they don't trust me to sleep in the same room with other girls."

I didn't go to slumber parties, have sleepovers or go to camp as a teen and I am just fine. No trauma at all, not even an issue.

I didn't initiate use of the word traumatized myself. I think that's a huge overstatement on the part of the PP.

I (and many experts) think sleepaway camp is an important part of separation and individuation (e.g., see the book Homesick and Happy). Virtually everyone I knew attended sleepaway camp beginning in elementary school, moving on to specialized camps for the arts or other interests in middle and high school. And no sleepovers or slumber parties? I didn't know anyone who didn't do that. Are you Amy
Chua or what?

[Anonymous]

We don't allow sleepovers for our kids either. There are way too many potential pitfalls that could arise to make it worth it for the socialization. If you consider the pros/ cons, we just can't find the pros. As for a high schooler and sleeping over - I want to see them face to face each night and know what condition they are in.