I want to fall out of love with a married man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I should have said when we firs t met ( ONLINE) I didn't know he was married. He told me on our first date. I had never dated someone separated, and honestly was naive about the situation. When we first met he was clear about not wanting a relationship. We started off as fwbs and then I fell in love with him.

Something tells me you know something was up but since he paid your bills and took you on vacations, you stayed. How pathetic. Get some self esteem and act like an adult instead of going off to find another, probably married, sugar daddy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Please, you loved him since he paid everything for you. You're right....you are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

The wife's life has already been destroyed - the destroying actions have already happened. Telling her isn't destroying her life, it is just showing her basic respect so that she isn't in the dark about what is happening in her own marriage. To let her make informed decisions about her own personal health and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

I have never understood the whole 'don't tell'. If your parent died would you want your family to not tell you because telling you would be hurtful. Should they just deal with the death and funeral behind your back and lie to you so that they don't hurt you with the truth. The death has already happened - Would you really rather not know and just go on blissfully while everyone else knows and are making decisions about your life that you aren't apart of? Would you really feel that someone's intentions in telling you about a family death were to hurt you and destroy your life - and you would get angry at them, preferring to they just kept lying to you to cover to keep you in the dark?

Not telling is just cowardly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also I should have said when we firs t met ( ONLINE) I didn't know he was married. He told me on our first date. I had never dated someone separated, and honestly was naive about the situation. When we first met he was clear about not wanting a relationship. We started off as fwbs and then I fell in love with him.

Something tells me you know something was up but since he paid your bills and took you on vacations, you stayed. How pathetic. Get some self esteem and act like an adult instead of going off to find another, probably married, sugar daddy

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

The wife's life has already been destroyed - the destroying actions have already happened. Telling her isn't destroying her life, it is just showing her basic respect so that she isn't in the dark about what is happening in her own marriage. To let her make informed decisions about her own personal health and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

I have never understood the whole 'don't tell'. If your parent died would you want your family to not tell you because telling you would be hurtful. Should they just deal with the death and funeral behind your back and lie to you so that they don't hurt you with the truth. The death has already happened - Would you really rather not know and just go on blissfully while everyone else knows and are making decisions about your life that you aren't apart of? Would you really feel that someone's intentions in telling you about a family death were to hurt you and destroy your life - and you would get angry at them, preferring to they just kept lying to you to cover to keep you in the dark?

Not telling is just cowardly.

Oh please, that's ridiculous. Telling her IS destroying her life. It is also an obvious act of selfishness - i.e., it's about YOU not about her.

If you are the "other woman" you don't even get to talk about "showing her basic respect". You've already totally failed on that front. What you should do now is just go away.

If my parent died, I wouldn't want the murderer to be the one who told me about it, since very obviously the purity of that person's motives in telling me would be highly suspect to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

The wife's life has already been destroyed - the destroying actions have already happened. Telling her isn't destroying her life, it is just showing her basic respect so that she isn't in the dark about what is happening in her own marriage. To let her make informed decisions about her own personal health and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

I have never understood the whole 'don't tell'. If your parent died would you want your family to not tell you because telling you would be hurtful. Should they just deal with the death and funeral behind your back and lie to you so that they don't hurt you with the truth. The death has already happened - Would you really rather not know and just go on blissfully while everyone else knows and are making decisions about your life that you aren't apart of? Would you really feel that someone's intentions in telling you about a family death were to hurt you and destroy your life - and you would get angry at them, preferring to they just kept lying to you to cover to keep you in the dark?

Not telling is just cowardly.

Oh please, that's ridiculous. Telling her IS destroying her life. It is also an obvious act of selfishness - i.e., it's about YOU not about her.

If you are the "other woman" you don't even get to talk about "showing her basic respect". You've already totally failed on that front. What you should do now is just go away.

If my parent died, I wouldn't want the murderer to be the one who told me about it, since very obviously the purity of that person's motives in telling me would be highly suspect to say the least.

I don't think it has to be the other woman that tells her. Someone needs to tell her. It is weird you think that telling someone what is going on in their own life would be selfish - I know many people who have found out from others that their spouses were having affairs and they have been very grateful - not angry that the teller did something selfish.

Would you not want anyone to tell you though about your parent's death - you would prefer to be in the dark because it is only the telling you about the death that would be hurtful. It isn't hurtful that your parent died if you don't know about it.

Her husband is sleeping with other women, risking her health and making her live a lie. You are really a-okay with that? Think it is a good thing? You really think the only bad thing is for her to find out and that as long as she doesn't know then all is good?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Seeing as this is who you think you are so compatible with, I don't think you will find it hard at all to find other like him. Lots of men out there who cheat and lie. If that is what you look for in a man and what makes you compatible, you are set for life. There are no end to marriages that you can inset yourself into, and women you can disrespect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

The wife's life has already been destroyed - the destroying actions have already happened. Telling her isn't destroying her life, it is just showing her basic respect so that she isn't in the dark about what is happening in her own marriage. To let her make informed decisions about her own personal health and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

I have never understood the whole 'don't tell'. If your parent died would you want your family to not tell you because telling you would be hurtful. Should they just deal with the death and funeral behind your back and lie to you so that they don't hurt you with the truth. The death has already happened - Would you really rather not know and just go on blissfully while everyone else knows and are making decisions about your life that you aren't apart of? Would you really feel that someone's intentions in telling you about a family death were to hurt you and destroy your life - and you would get angry at them, preferring to they just kept lying to you to cover to keep you in the dark?

Not telling is just cowardly.

Oh please, that's ridiculous. Telling her IS destroying her life. It is also an obvious act of selfishness - i.e., it's about YOU not about her.

If you are the "other woman" you don't even get to talk about "showing her basic respect". You've already totally failed on that front. What you should do now is just go away.

If my parent died, I wouldn't want the murderer to be the one who told me about it, since very obviously the purity of that person's motives in telling me would be highly suspect to say the least.

I don't think it has to be the other woman that tells her. Someone needs to tell her. It is weird you think that telling someone what is going on in their own life would be selfish - I know many people who have found out from others that their spouses were having affairs and they have been very grateful - not angry that the teller did something selfish.

Would you not want anyone to tell you though about your parent's death - you would prefer to be in the dark because it is only the telling you about the death that would be hurtful. It isn't hurtful that your parent died if you don't know about it.

Her husband is sleeping with other women, risking her health and making her live a lie. You are really a-okay with that? Think it is a good thing? You really think the only bad thing is for her to find out and that as long as she doesn't know then all is good?

Not that I plan on telling her, but who would I have tell her? We don't have friends in common. She is 10 yrs old than me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Seeing as this is who you think you are so compatible with, I don't think you will find it hard at all to find other like him. Lots of men out there who cheat and lie. If that is what you look for in a man and what makes you compatible, you are set for life. There are no end to marriages that you can inset yourself into, and women you can disrespect.

That's no t what I meant by compatibility, but I think you know that.

[Anonymous]

OP, what I'd like to know is why during the 3.5 years you were together you never questioned why he wasn't getting a divorce? So you knew he was separated, ok. But during 3.5 years you never said to yourself...hmmm he says he loves me but why hasn't he filed for divorce yet. I do not believe you are naive and dumb as you are trying to make others believe. You knew he was technically married for the 3.5 years you were together, but you also knew you had a pretty sweet situation going on. He paid for everything for you, bills, vacations, etc so it was easy for you to turn a cheek to the fact that he was STILL TECHNICALLY MARRIED. Yeah, not believing your little "poor me" attitude you're trying to get others to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I'd like to know is why during the 3.5 years you were together you never questioned why he wasn't getting a divorce? So you knew he was separated, ok. But during 3.5 years you never said to yourself...hmmm he says he loves me but why hasn't he filed for divorce yet. I do not believe you are naive and dumb as you are trying to make others believe. You knew he was technically married for the 3.5 years you were together, but you also knew you had a pretty sweet situation going on. He paid for everything for you, bills, vacations, etc so it was easy for you to turn a cheek to the fact that he was STILL TECHNICALLY MARRIED. Yeah, not believing your little "poor me" attitude you're trying to get others to believe.

There is actually a good reason why he was still married, but I don't feel comfortable saying. He recently started paying my bills. Recent as in the past 3 or 4 months. My relationship hasnt been based on that. I don't have a "poor me" attitude. I started this thread not to fight with people, although I knew I would get flamed .
I started it to get advice on letting go.
It makes me sad that this has to end, but I realize it has to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Seeing as this is who you think you are so compatible with, I don't think you will find it hard at all to find other like him. Lots of men out there who cheat and lie. If that is what you look for in a man and what makes you compatible, you are set for life. There are no end to marriages that you can inset yourself into, and women you can disrespect.

That's no t what I meant by compatibility, but I think you know that.

As soon as I found out that a man I was dating was cheating on his wife, we would no longer have been compatible. You still felt you were compatible knowing that information, and still think you are so compatible now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Seeing as this is who you think you are so compatible with, I don't think you will find it hard at all to find other like him. Lots of men out there who cheat and lie. If that is what you look for in a man and what makes you compatible, you are set for life. There are no end to marriages that you can inset yourself into, and women you can disrespect.

That's no t what I meant by compatibility, but I think you know that.

As soon as I found out that a man I was dating was cheating on his wife, we would no longer have been compatible. You still felt you were compatible knowing that information, and still think you are so compatible now.

I didnt see it as cheating originally because he had his own place, and was separated. Her facebook says separated as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what I'd like to know is why during the 3.5 years you were together you never questioned why he wasn't getting a divorce? So you knew he was separated, ok. But during 3.5 years you never said to yourself...hmmm he says he loves me but why hasn't he filed for divorce yet. I do not believe you are naive and dumb as you are trying to make others believe. You knew he was technically married for the 3.5 years you were together, but you also knew you had a pretty sweet situation going on. He paid for everything for you, bills, vacations, etc so it was easy for you to turn a cheek to the fact that he was STILL TECHNICALLY MARRIED. Yeah, not believing your little "poor me" attitude you're trying to get others to believe.

There is actually a good reason why he was still married, but I don't feel comfortable saying. He recently started paying my bills. Recent as in the past 3 or 4 months. My relationship hasnt been based on that. I don't have a "poor me" attitude. I started this thread not to fight with people, although I knew I would get flamed .
I started it to get advice on letting go.
It makes me sad that this has to end, but I realize it has to.

Oh, honey, there is always a good reason why they are still married.

No contact. Move on.