Does a More Equal Marriage Mean Less Sex? NY Times articles suggests yes

[Anonymous]

Yes i am, hence the "he's managed to guilt me into..." a typical night for us at home is BJ, sex 2 to 3 times and I also give him a back rub. And mean while I cook every meal, including making sure there are enough leftovers for his lunch, I am responsible for all the grocery shopping and cleaning. He might take the trash out once or twice a month and do the dishes a couple times a month if that. Our incomes are virtually equal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the article but in my marriage my DH does virtually nothing. I mean seriously no housework, maybe does the dishes once a month and will take the trash out 2-3 times a month. He's managed to guilt me into thinking we have to have lots of sex for a healthy marriage, even though he doesn't have to help me in any way around the house. He does work more hours a week, although we are both considered full time. My job is more strenuous and the hours suck, he technically clocks more hours (about 5-10 more depending on various things) but can often waste time playing on the Internet, reading, etc. I take part time classes working on my bachelor's degree. I do everything: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and probably 90% or more of childcare while juggling 36 hours a week of night shift plus college courses. But God forbid if we don't have sex at least 2x a night complete with a BJ prior and a back rub after for him.

Here you complaining about a potential douchebag, but here's the bonus question. Are you giving him lots of sex, including a BJ and a back rub?

[Anonymous]

Yes i am, hence the "he's managed to guilt me into..." a typical night for us at home is BJ, sex 2 to 3 times and I also give him a back rub. And mean while I cook every meal, including making sure there are enough leftovers for his lunch, I am responsible for all the grocery shopping and cleaning. He might take the trash out once or twice a month and do the dishes a couple times a month if that. Our incomes are virtually equal.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I haven't read the article but in my marriage my DH does virtually nothing. I mean seriously no housework, maybe does the dishes once a month and will take the trash out 2-3 times a month. He's managed to guilt me into thinking we have to have lots of sex for a healthy marriage, even though he doesn't have to help me in any way around the house. He does work more hours a week, although we are both considered full time. My job is more strenuous and the hours suck, he technically clocks more hours (about 5-10 more depending on various things) but can often waste time playing on the Internet, reading, etc. I take part time classes working on my bachelor's degree. I do everything: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and probably 90% or more of childcare while juggling 36 hours a week of night shift plus college courses. But God forbid if we don't have sex at least 2x a night complete with a BJ prior and a back rub after for him.


Here you complaining about a potential douchebag, but here's the bonus question. Are you giving him lots of sex, including a BJ and a back rub?

Why are you complaining? You are an adut, change it. What are we to feel sorry for you b/c you choose to do this.

[Anonymous]

Don't give me any back talk woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes i am, hence the "he's managed to guilt me into..." a typical night for us at home is BJ, sex 2 to 3 times and I also give him a back rub. And mean while I cook every meal, including making sure there are enough leftovers for his lunch, I am responsible for all the grocery shopping and cleaning. He might take the trash out once or twice a month and do the dishes a couple times a month if that. Our incomes are virtually equal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the article but in my marriage my DH does virtually nothing. I mean seriously no housework, maybe does the dishes once a month and will take the trash out 2-3 times a month. He's managed to guilt me into thinking we have to have lots of sex for a healthy marriage, even though he doesn't have to help me in any way around the house. He does work more hours a week, although we are both considered full time. My job is more strenuous and the hours suck, he technically clocks more hours (about 5-10 more depending on various things) but can often waste time playing on the Internet, reading, etc. I take part time classes working on my bachelor's degree. I do everything: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and probably 90% or more of childcare while juggling 36 hours a week of night shift plus college courses. But God forbid if we don't have sex at least 2x a night complete with a BJ prior and a back rub after for him.

Here you complaining about a potential douchebag, but here's the bonus question. Are you giving him lots of sex, including a BJ and a back rub?

I wanted confirmation because this is just proof of what smarter guys know.

Women prefer assholes. Ok. Let's clarify. Women will suck the cocks of assholes and generally give the guy what he wants physically. They will marry and "love" nice guys. And, by "love," I mean they will say the word "love," occasionally have (exceptionally vanilla) sex with their husbands, but typically complain he doesn't do enough with the *pick a topic*. In some cases, they are giving "porn queen" sex to another man.

[Anonymous]

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. Just offering my situation because I thought it related to the topic. I know my marriage sucks but nothing is changing anytime soon. My husband is an ass plain and simple. He thinks I suck because my sex drive isn't high enough. He doesn't feel like contributing equally to the household is worth while. Whatever it is what it is. The poster who called me out "do you even give him sex" pissed me off so I had to reply again. Sex 8-12 times a week seems pretty damn good to me for a married couple with a young child but my husband thinks it's too low. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Yes i am, hence the "he's managed to guilt me into..." a typical night for us at home is BJ, sex 2 to 3 times and I also give him a back rub. And mean while I cook every meal, including making sure there are enough leftovers for his lunch, I am responsible for all the grocery shopping and cleaning. He might take the trash out once or twice a month and do the dishes a couple times a month if that. Our incomes are virtually equal.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I haven't read the article but in my marriage my DH does virtually nothing. I mean seriously no housework, maybe does the dishes once a month and will take the trash out 2-3 times a month. He's managed to guilt me into thinking we have to have lots of sex for a healthy marriage, even though he doesn't have to help me in any way around the house. He does work more hours a week, although we are both considered full time. My job is more strenuous and the hours suck, he technically clocks more hours (about 5-10 more depending on various things) but can often waste time playing on the Internet, reading, etc. I take part time classes working on my bachelor's degree. I do everything: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and probably 90% or more of childcare while juggling 36 hours a week of night shift plus college courses. But God forbid if we don't have sex at least 2x a night complete with a BJ prior and a back rub after for him.


Here you complaining about a potential douchebag, but here's the bonus question. Are you giving him lots of sex, including a BJ and a back rub?

Why are you complaining? You are an adut, change it. What are we to feel sorry for you b/c you choose to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me. Just offering my situation because I thought it related to the topic. I know my marriage sucks but nothing is changing anytime soon. My husband is an ass plain and simple. He thinks I suck because my sex drive isn't high enough. He doesn't feel like contributing equally to the household is worth while. Whatever it is what it is. The poster who called me out "do you even give him sex" pissed me off so I had to reply again. Sex 8-12 times a week seems pretty damn good to me for a married couple with a young child but my husband thinks it's too low. Whatever.

Anonymous wrote:

Yes i am, hence the "he's managed to guilt me into..." a typical night for us at home is BJ, sex 2 to 3 times and I also give him a back rub. And mean while I cook every meal, including making sure there are enough leftovers for his lunch, I am responsible for all the grocery shopping and cleaning. He might take the trash out once or twice a month and do the dishes a couple times a month if that. Our incomes are virtually equal.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I haven't read the article but in my marriage my DH does virtually nothing. I mean seriously no housework, maybe does the dishes once a month and will take the trash out 2-3 times a month. He's managed to guilt me into thinking we have to have lots of sex for a healthy marriage, even though he doesn't have to help me in any way around the house. He does work more hours a week, although we are both considered full time. My job is more strenuous and the hours suck, he technically clocks more hours (about 5-10 more depending on various things) but can often waste time playing on the Internet, reading, etc. I take part time classes working on my bachelor's degree. I do everything: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping and probably 90% or more of childcare while juggling 36 hours a week of night shift plus college courses. But God forbid if we don't have sex at least 2x a night complete with a BJ prior and a back rub after for him.


Here you complaining about a potential douchebag, but here's the bonus question. Are you giving him lots of sex, including a BJ and a back rub?

Why are you complaining? You are an adut, change it. What are we to feel sorry for you b/c you choose to do this.

I think my Vagina would fall off if I had sex that often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The enormous amount of inequality in my marriage - financial, me doing all the grunt work, and him feeling too superior to do that because it isn't what a master of the universe does - definitely makes me not want to have sex with DH.

+1

I was specifically told that because I made less money I was responsible for ALL of the household chores as well as at least 50% of childcare.

I didn't want to have sex with his sexist a$$.

How much less money? If it's a 51/49 split, that's clearly unreasonable. If it's 90/10, that division doesn't seem too far off.

In any event, the best I ever see from women who think their husband does too little is "Maybe" if he did more, I'd want to have sex. My guess is that the unspoken "maybe not" side of that equation is more likely.

Let's say DH makes 500K and DW makes 50K - both work FT. Does that 90/10 division still apply?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The enormous amount of inequality in my marriage - financial, me doing all the grunt work, and him feeling too superior to do that because it isn't what a master of the universe does - definitely makes me not want to have sex with DH.

+1

I was specifically told that because I made less money I was responsible for ALL of the household chores as well as at least 50% of childcare.

I didn't want to have sex with his sexist a$$.

How much less money? If it's a 51/49 split, that's clearly unreasonable. If it's 90/10, that division doesn't seem too far off.

In any event, the best I ever see from women who think their husband does too little is "Maybe" if he did more, I'd want to have sex. My guess is that the unspoken "maybe not" side of that equation is more likely.

Let's say DH makes 500K and DW makes 50K - both work FT. Does that 90/10 division still apply?

In this case, DW job is a hobby and should be viewed as such

[Anonymous]

The enormous amount of inequality in my marriage - financial, me doing all the grunt work, and him feeling too superior to do that because it isn't what a master of the universe does - definitely makes me not want to have sex with DH.


+1

I was specifically told that because I made less money I was responsible for ALL of the household chores as well as at least 50% of childcare.

I didn't want to have sex with his sexist a$$.


How much less money? If it's a 51/49 split, that's clearly unreasonable. If it's 90/10, that division doesn't seem too far off.

In any event, the best I ever see from women who think their husband does too little is "Maybe" if he did more, I'd want to have sex. My guess is that the unspoken "maybe not" side of that equation is more likely.


Let's say DH makes 500K and DW makes 50K - both work FT. Does that 90/10 division still apply?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The enormous amount of inequality in my marriage - financial, me doing all the grunt work, and him feeling too superior to do that because it isn't what a master of the universe does - definitely makes me not want to have sex with DH.

+1

I was specifically told that because I made less money I was responsible for ALL of the household chores as well as at least 50% of childcare.

I didn't want to have sex with his sexist a$$.

How much less money? If it's a 51/49 split, that's clearly unreasonable. If it's 90/10, that division doesn't seem too far off.

In any event, the best I ever see from women who think their husband does too little is "Maybe" if he did more, I'd want to have sex. My guess is that the unspoken "maybe not" side of that equation is more likely.

Let's say DH makes 500K and DW makes 50K - both work FT. Does that 90/10 division still apply?

Yup. The way it is, you have 3 jobs (Husband's, Wife's, and Household) and a total of $550,000 in income. Split 50/50, that means each person has 1.5 jobs and is averaging $183k per job. Wife drops her $50k job and now each person has 1 job and averages $250k per job. You've each increased your free time by 1/3 and dramatically increased the return on the time you're still working. You're still bringing in $500k per year and have only lost 10% of your income.