DH wants "open relationship" after my affair...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right, it's understandable that the betrayed spouse would think about that, but I don't get why 14:02 enjoys fantasizing about OP (a stranger on the Internet to him) cheating on her husband, with all of the sordid details including positions.

Because he's one of the freaks with control and women issues.

Take it back to 4chan, boys.

[Anonymous]

14:02 - no OP's husband and not wondering about the details of the affair. meant to bold "No sympathy. You fucked up." and "hope he gets custody".

though I have to think OP's husband may want details to document for the divorce or whatever agreement is forthcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 42 year old woman. I am married to what appears to everyone in public to be the "perfect man" - well educated, kind, a great father, decent provider, etc. We have two lovely teen girls together. However, about three years ago, I found myself in a very unhappy place and, in a lapse of judgement, I had a furtive, torrid affair with a guy I met at the gym. In any case, my DH discovered the affair. He kicked me out of the house (I came home to literrally find my bags on the doorstep and the locks changed), separating me from my DDs, and told me not to come back until I ended the affair with the OM and would agree to counseling. I briefly moved in with the OM, but then decided that I wanted my DH and my family back!

DH, however, has been very (I think unfairly) strict with me. He told me to get an apartment on my own, find a job (I was a SAHM who had been out of the workforce for a good 12 years. I am now working a job with a non-profit that is low paid - $20 - $30K - even though I have an Ivy education) and to seek individual therapy before we do family therapy. He says he wants to know all the sexual details of my relationship with OM and that I should be willing to do with DH anything I did with OM and that he may want to explore having an open relationship.

I just want to get my old life back, but I think DH needs to stop being so mean!!! I realize I did wrong, that the source of my unhappiness that led to the affair was me and not DH (I was bored SAHM) and that I can work on regaining DH's trust. I feel if he is asking for the open relationship, I am in danger of losing him permanently. We are in Virginia and I also fear that he may use my affair and the separation - coming up on 8 months - as the grounds for a divorce and that he would use it against me in any property or other settlement, leaving me with nothing. I am so sad and angry at the same time, but mostly at myself for getting into this situation. If anyone can sympathize or give me some good advice, I would appreciate it.

everyone should stop beating up on this guy.

[Anonymous]

also don't know who 14:28 was but it wasn't me (14:02).

but let's stay on point - this is about the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:02 - no OP's husband and not wondering about the details of the affair. meant to bold "No sympathy. You fucked up." and "hope he gets custody".

though I have to think OP's husband may want details to document for the divorce or whatever agreement is forthcoming.

PP- sorry- there were two 14:02 posters-- I was referring to the 1st one who was using the OP's situation to script his own porno.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't real. Gimme a break.

It seems like someone posting on this forum is completely obsessed with women cheating and/or prior partners. It's bullshit.

+1. Yup. Just another SAHM-hater trying to stir the shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go to the marriagebuilders website. That's your best bet for rebuilding your marriage, but your DH may still kick you to the curb.

Yep, good site, too. The OP is gonna have to do so much work to rebuild her marriage.

Centurion

[Anonymous]

So obviously a TROLL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't real. Gimme a break.

This isn't real? Many wives cheat on their devoted, faithful husbands. It happens all the time. Gyms seem to be pretty popular places for wives finding an OM, too.

The OP's situation seems very plausible and real. Unfortunately, for many such devoted and faithful husbands, it is a bitter and horrifying reality.

Centurion

[Anonymous]

DH has every right to know the sordid details of the affair. As I have learned in another thread:
---------------------
Anonymous wrote:
10:53 here. Pp has it about right. To answer questions, I do have sex with DH and it is decent. That said, my DH isn't as pleasing as the OM, both from a physical and sexual aspect. I want him every day. And will do basically anything for him. Not the same for H. Flame away.


Actually, I have no intention on "flaming away."
It's refreshing to "hear" a reason given for this and it's even better to have a female admit this. So many women deny it and so many guys are clueless into believing that their woman would do so many sexual things, but only with someone else. Thanks for the honesty!
----------------------------

Very clearly, women are open to more sexual things with an affair than the person they supposedly love. Tell him the details unless you're afraid he'll be upset that you did things with this guy that you would always say no to for your husband. And if that is the case, I'd leave you outside as well. Cheating is bad enough. Doing for the other guy things you wouldn't do for me sexually is adding insult to injury.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you sign up for an account so you don't have to type your name at the end of every twisted and overly wordy post you write?

[Anonymous]

^ that's to "Centurion" ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you sign up for an account so you don't have to type your name at the end of every twisted and overly wordy post you write?

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't real. Gimme a break.

This isn't real? Many wives cheat on their devoted, faithful husbands. It happens all the time. Gyms seem to be pretty popular places for wives finding an OM, too.

The OP's situation seems very plausible and real. Unfortunately, for many such devoted and faithful husbands, it is a bitter and horrifying reality.

Centurion

Please, Centurion, tell us about your bitter and horrifying experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't real. Gimme a break.

This isn't real? Many wives cheat on their devoted, faithful husbands. It happens all the time. Gyms seem to be pretty popular places for wives finding an OM, too.

The OP's situation seems very plausible and real. Unfortunately, for many such devoted and faithful husbands, it is a bitter and horrifying reality.

Centurion

No, this is not real. No dude wants to hear other details after throwing his wife out. And she's never consulted an attorney? Just magically moved out and got a job immediately. Turn on your bullshit detector.

Some of us have been around DCUM long enough to tell, but this is obvious.