Grandfather my dad has history of fondling women, live close by, and I have DD

[Anonymous]

I'm not cool with every ass-pat being labeled molestation. Like I said, there is a level of nuance when dealing with that generation. But if you're cool with being simple-minded and knee-jerk hysterical, I'll pray for your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not cool with every ass-pat being labeled molestation. Like I said, there is a level of nuance when dealing with that generation. But if you're cool with being simple-minded and knee-jerk hysterical, I'll pray for your dad.

I agree that there can be level of nuance in situations like this (and I would even agree that some of the PPs suggesting moving away immediately, etc. are unrealistic), but you really seem to be underreacting in this situation. Fondling usually means stroking, petting, caressing for sexual stimulation. He did this to a minor. This IS different in my book than an ass-grab of an adult (which is completely egregious but less likely to have the same long-term impact). Why would you assume this man is a loving grandfather?

[Anonymous]

A slap in the ass isn't kept hush hush in a family.

Inappropriate touching is.

[Anonymous]

So the secretaries getting their asses grabbed at work are engaging in "idle bitching"?

NO. I am so damn tired of people diminishing the effect of this type of intimidation in any power situation, be it the workplace, a family, or a community. Whether it's your secretary, your niece, or the neighbor's kid, this shit is wrong. And people like you, PP, are why it gets written off and perpetuated.

[Anonymous]

I have found that people with a high tolerance for abuse have been abused.

something from your deep, dark past, PP?

b/c I just love when my boss smacks me on the ass . . .

Anonymous wrote:You people are the most hysterical bunch of koolaid drinkers I've ever seen.

Cut him off? Call the police??? For a pat on the ass? You should be ashamed of yourselves. No pat on the ass ever killed anyone, but sending an elderly loving grandfather through legal hell and possibly to prison probably would.

This is OP's FATHER we're talking about. Not some fellow customer at the coffee shop. She can love the sinner and hate the sin. She can make sure her kids aren't alone with him for any length of time. She can give him the stinkeye or tell him off ("Dad, cut it out, that's inappropriate") if she observes anything untoward. She can teach her kids to speak up loudly if they're ever uncomfortable. But to call the police with accusations of rape (where did that even come from??) is straight up cruel. It's like you people have no notion of nuance. That generation and their flexible boundaries will be gone soon, taking with them the good and the bad. We need to enjoy the good while they're still with us.

Now if OP comes back and says that by "fondled" she really meant "penetrated", then we're in a different ballpark. But I have a hard time believing that idle bitching on the part of women at work is anything but annoying dirty old man behavior. Certainly not worth destroying what's left of a father's life.

[Anonymous]

OP your job, your top priority, the single most important thing you need to do is protect your children.

"Dad - I want my daughter to know you, but I do not trust you to be alone with her. Your interaction with women of all ages continues to be inappropriate. I will arrange occasions when you can visit or we can go out together as a family but you cannot just drop in, be alone with my children, or in any way go beyond the parameters I am establishing. If you do, I will immediately stop all contact with you and I will take legal action if necessary.

The fact that you are not respecting my wishes and rules, and that you have apparently spoken critically about me to my daughter, only make my conviction more firm.

If you want any relationship with your grandchildren you need to respect my wishes."

OP - you will never forgive yourself if one of your children is harmed in any way. (And hard doesn't have to mean overt abuse - it is harmful for children to be put in a position of extreme discomfort with adults or family members. Fear, uncertainly, lack of control and safety, etc... can all be harmful.) Your children come first. Period.

Trust your gut and your strength to protect your children.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Based on what you wrote, at most he's a criminal. Other than that, he's a sick slob. You don't want either kind around your kids. Stop helping everyone else protect him. He does what he's allowed to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really wonder why people don't go to the police? I bet you wonder why all women who are raped don't come forward too.

Yes, I am wondering in this situation.

Well lets walk through it in this situation.

The OP's cousin was a teen and fondled by her uncle. She was close to te family since the OP remembers seeing her a lot then not seeing her. Sounds like the cousin did the right throng and told her parent, sibling of molester. In order to not rock the boat the "adults" decide to not ruin molesters life and keep cousin away. Molester has family, kids, etc. what good is he in prison? Who would support his kids? Everyone brushes it under the rug. Molester continues to be creepy, fondle, touch inappropriately. Friends of OP's sister stay away from him because of behavior. OP's family figures -- hey, he isn't touching ME. No harm right? At work he fondles the secretaries. You know he wouldn't do that to a female superior (are there any?) because that would get him fired. He is so charming that the guys at work love him. Now the secretaries can't do a thing because the guy everyone likes will get them fired.

His wife doesn't do anything because that would be a change in her life.
OP's sister doesn't say anything because her Mom hasn't done anything.
OP's family doesn't do anything because cousin said something and nothing happened.

Then there is OP. She knows he has issues but he never touched HER. But now she has a child. Doubt arise. Does she do anything? Nope. Her daughter learns from her (like she learned from her mother) that you don't do anything.

Funny, I bet OP would be appalled if a child molester moved down the street. Of course her father IS the child molester so no need to alert anyone.

This is why these people continue to abuse children (and women).

this is it exactly!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are the most hysterical bunch of koolaid drinkers I've ever seen.

Cut him off? Call the police??? For a pat on the ass? You should be ashamed of yourselves. No pat on the ass ever killed anyone, but sending an elderly loving grandfather through legal hell and possibly to prison probably would.

This is OP's FATHER we're talking about. Not some fellow customer at the coffee shop. She can love the sinner and hate the sin. She can make sure her kids aren't alone with him for any length of time. She can give him the stinkeye or tell him off ("Dad, cut it out, that's inappropriate") if she observes anything untoward. She can teach her kids to speak up loudly if they're ever uncomfortable. But to call the police with accusations of rape (where did that even come from??) is straight up cruel. It's like you people have no notion of nuance. That generation and their flexible boundaries will be gone soon, taking with them the good and the bad. We need to enjoy the good while they're still with us.

Now if OP comes back and says that by "fondled" she really meant "penetrated", then we're in a different ballpark. But I have a hard time believing that idle bitching on the part of women at work is anything but annoying dirty old man behavior. Certainly not worth destroying what's left of a father's life.

I haven't read any post suggesting contacting the police over accusations of rape. The OPs father molested OPs cousin and multiple women. That's a serious problem. You make it clear that you don't see molestation as a problem. That's also a serious problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you relate the not being alone with your daughter to his actions? Have you had a conversation about the fact there are numerous reports he has fondled women? I am not sure that translates to him being a pedophile but you need to do what makes you comfortable. And he obviously has poor boundaries. I would make sure however you make the connection that the not being alone is because of how he has acted inappropriately and you can't risk that.

Agree. Don't feel bad, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is outragous. He told your daughter you can be mean-spirited? Really?

The message you need to be sending to your dad, your husband, your family - is that the buck stops here. You are in charge. Your dad has a problem. I don't care what exactly he has done, he has a history of inappropriate behavior toward women, including a relative, which is a special kind of disgusting, and it's not a fucking generational thing. It's a sick-in-the-head thing. You have gotten some good advice on this thread - alert every sitter, nanny, daycare, etc.

You need to be on the same page with your husband on this. I suggest counseling or something if we won't come around. This is a big deal and he needs to come around.

[Anonymous]

The guy belongs in jail. Case closed

[Anonymous]

To some of the indifferent posters here -- if you had ever been raped or attempted to have been raped...you would wish that someone who was raped before you (and there were bound to be other victims)...had reported the rape. Some of you sound like you live in a bubble. Get real. The OP knows both consciously and subconsciously that her dad is a pervert and molester. She knows she can't leave her kid around him. She needs to get him off the streets to protect other kids. She keeps referring to his "charm". That is just minipulation .. to throw people off. He is not charming.

[Anonymous]

If god forbid he did something to your DD, you will never be able to undo it. She will be scarred for life. Safety first. Better not to have him around at all. Most people molested are molested by a close family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

It takes one time, moron.

wtf is your problem?

What's yours? This guy has no record of touching anyone inappropriately. Of all the women he supposedly touched, and they are running around the job and family telling people, why have they not told the police?

You sound like a molester yourself. I wouldn't trust YOU around my kids. Even if you aren't one, you sound too dumb to protect anyone.