Grandfather my dad has history of fondling women, live close by, and I have DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP 17:37- Thank you so much for validating my feelings in a way that no one... and I mean no else has ever done. I haven't talked about this outside of close family (I'm embarrassed) that wants to deny the problem. Even DH takes the kids over and doesn't watch them every second. It infuriates me but DH can't ever see bad in another person. IL's understand to an extent but I think they think I might be overreacting. Dad can be very charming when he wants. I interact with my dad very, very infrequently even though he lives so close. I'm perceived as the difficult one. I guess I've decided I could live with that over the possible alternative.

After I first told him kids were off limit alone, dad and wife wanted to take them to 100 per person kids show and these are the same people who will forget kids birthdays etc... It was like they were trying to do anything to get me to break my rule but they didn't. It hurts because I would love more than anything to have a normal family and let him watch my kids- but as a mom I need to protect them. Both of my kids are young but as they get older and can walk to dad's (he bought his house after me) are home alone I will worry. I dream of moving across the country.

Even though DC's are young they know they are no allowed to be alone with my dad. I've been as explicit as I could given their ages that grandad has had issues in the past and we need you to be safe and while grandad can be nice we aren't sure he is safe. My DD mentioned this to him while I wasn't around and he told her that your mom can be mean spirited.

I can't cut him off completely. He has serious boundary issues in other areas too but seeing him once a month for 10 minutes is okay. He is selfish most of time but he can be charming too.

Wait. How did that happen?

DD was playing in our yard and he walked over.

The kids know they are supposed to come in when they see him. DD was probably just explaining why she had to go inside.

[Anonymous]

Of course it hurts. Imagine how your cousin feels. Think she hurts? He is sick. Very sick and surrounded by enablers. I don't mean to be harsh but he has chooses to hurt children. Your child could be next. Think that would hurt her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it hurts. Imagine how your cousin feels. Think she hurts? He is sick. Very sick and surrounded by enablers. I don't mean to be harsh but he has chooses to hurt children. Your child could be next. Think that would hurt her?

I would have to walk away from my entire family including husband and inlaws to go that extreme of cutting him off completely. My DH thinks I am overly sensitive even though he has talked with cousin.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to keep setting firm boundaries and not worry so much about what others think. Examples: continue to not let him be alone with your kid/s. Do not let DH take them to your Dad's house unless DH is completely on-board with this. I would not let him "just drop by" and only do scheduled visits. Do not let your Dad run the show here. You get to make the best choices for you a your family, and protecting your kid/s should be your #1 priority, NOT placating your Dad or other family members, or even your DH.

In your initial message you wrote that he hasn't fondled - I'm not sure if this was a mistake or if you're partially in denial. It would be very unlikely for so many people in different settings to accuse your father of this. Please don't enable his "fondling" (aka abuse) by pretending as if it's not an issue.

[Anonymous]

Well then OP, I guess you will just have to watch your DD. between you (who seems worried about what family may think), your family (who allowed a family member to molest a child and do nothing so the behavior continues) and your DH (is he an idiot?) she really has one protective family-- of the child molester that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to keep setting firm boundaries and not worry so much about what others think. Examples: continue to not let him be alone with your kid/s. Do not let DH take them to your Dad's house unless DH is completely on-board with this. I would not let him "just drop by" and only do scheduled visits. Do not let your Dad run the show here. You get to make the best choices for you a your family, and protecting your kid/s should be your #1 priority, NOT placating your Dad or other family members, or even your DH.

In your initial message you wrote that he hasn't fondled - I'm not sure if this was a mistake or if you're partially in denial. It would be very unlikely for so many people in different settings to accuse your father of this. Please don't enable his "fondling" (aka abuse) by pretending as if it's not an issue.

I meant never fondled me in my OP. I was in denial about my cousin until I heard the other stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, you didn't. I would have never brought it up and just made sure that you or another responsible adult was always there with him. No need to tell him that he would never be alone with your daughter. He only drops by so not a big deal.

Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

Ummm....shouldn't someone report this to the police? Your concern is keeping your dd safe but why isn't anyone talking about keeping other women and girls safe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ummm....shouldn't someone report this to the police? Your concern is keeping your dd safe but why isn't anyone talking about keeping other women and girls safe?

Exactly. Want limited contact OP? Want you and your children safe? Others safe? Then get the law involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ummm....shouldn't someone report this to the police? Your concern is keeping your dd safe but why isn't anyone talking about keeping other women and girls safe?

Exactly. Want limited contact OP? Want you and your children safe? Others safe? Then get the law involved.

All hearsay.

[Anonymous]

"I can't cut him off completely. He has serious boundary issues in other areas too but seeing him once a month for 10 minutes is okay. He is selfish most of time but he can be charming too. "

OMG, you are soo stupid.

[Anonymous]

There's no right answer except this bottomline:

Your father is to NEVER, EVER have a second alone with your DD. Period. And DH and the daycare and nanny and everybody on planet earth needs to be on board. Even if that's everybody but him.

[Anonymous]

and remember this OP:

Ariel Castro (Ohio) didn't molest his daughters.

[Anonymous]

OMG - he lives a few doors down? I would totally move!

[Anonymous]

A dear friend was abused by her father. She took a lot of shit for keeping her children away from her father.

The important part? He didn't get the chance to abuse them.