I'm the step mom--do I get a vote?

[Anonymous]

It depends on how much of an impact the tuition will have on your lives. I agree with previous posts: set a dollar amount you will contribute IF her gpa remains above a certain threshold, say 2.75 (3 is unreasonable for this student), and you will contribute only for 8 or 9 semesters. Don't suggest cc, but get her a proper college counselor who will guide her to appropriate schools

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

Maybe she just needs a smaller less competitive college (AKA a 'no name" private). I don't know. But I think sending her to VCU could be a disaster too, albeit a less expensive mistake than a disaster at Guilford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

Exactly.

Even if you're rich, there's nothing wrong with insisting you will only pay for your kids to go to an in-state college. Not everyone thinks private schools are worth it. No one is owed an expensive college education. If the kid is that put out by it, he can take out loans/get academic scholarships to cover the rest of the cost and realize he's still far ahead of many.

Then again, I live in Virginia and think our range of in-state options is more than acceptable. If I lived in another state, I might feel differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

OP here---want to come to dinner tonight???

Yes, we can afford it. But I'm having a hard time understanding why it is worth it. What does one get with a no name degree that you can't get from a CC with a transfer to a state school? I agree with the PP above....she hasn't demonstrated an ability to get good grades on her own thus far...what is going to change when she gets to college?

Are there independent college counselors? My kids are in preschool, so I don't pay that much attention to the college forums. I know she has a guidance counselor at school. He's the person that recommended the private schools that she's looking at. What would an independent counselor do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

Exactly.

Even if you're rich, there's nothing wrong with insisting you will only pay for your kids to go to an in-state college. Not everyone thinks private schools are worth it. No one is owed an expensive college education. If the kid is that put out by it, he can take out loans/get academic scholarships to cover the rest of the cost and realize he's still far ahead of many.

Then again, I live in Virginia and think our range of in-state options is more than acceptable. If I lived in another state, I might feel differently.

Rich people become wealthy people by spending their money wisely. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you should buy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

Maybe she just needs a smaller less competitive college (AKA a 'no name" private). I don't know. But I think sending her to VCU could be a disaster too, albeit a less expensive mistake than a disaster at Guilford.

Here's the thing OP. Her chances off success (graduating from college) may increase if she goes to a smaller school without a "sink or swim" attitude. If only I had my crystal ball. That's my personal dilemma with this issue.

[Anonymous]

I think if your dh has the money there's nothing you can do. I doubt you would stick your own kid in a community college of you could afford a private. Clearly your DH is very invested in getting her through school, so there is no reason for him to change now. It's part of the deal. Don't be the evil stepmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think if your dh has the money there's nothing you can do. I doubt you would stick your own kid in a community college of you could afford a private. Clearly your DH is very invested in getting her through school, so there is no reason for him to change now. It's part of the deal. Don't be the evil stepmother.

WE have the money. HE alone cannot do it. And yes, if she were my bio daughter, she would be going to community college. She would have to prove to me that she had the grades and desire to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

Exactly.

Even if you're rich, there's nothing wrong with insisting you will only pay for your kids to go to an in-state college. Not everyone thinks private schools are worth it. No one is owed an expensive college education. If the kid is that put out by it, he can take out loans/get academic scholarships to cover the rest of the cost and realize he's still far ahead of many.

Then again, I live in Virginia and think our range of in-state options is more than acceptable. If I lived in another state, I might feel differently.

Kids with parents who have a lot of money may not qualify for loans. Loans are a form of financial aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

Exactly.

Even if you're rich, there's nothing wrong with insisting you will only pay for your kids to go to an in-state college. Not everyone thinks private schools are worth it. No one is owed an expensive college education. If the kid is that put out by it, he can take out loans/get academic scholarships to cover the rest of the cost and realize he's still far ahead of many.

Then again, I live in Virginia and think our range of in-state options is more than acceptable. If I lived in another state, I might feel differently.

Rich people become wealthy people by spending their money wisely. Just because you can afford something doesn't mean you should buy it.

And many rich people realize that spending their money wisely includes paying for a good education so that their kids are more likely to get good jobs pay well and thus keep up the family wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should let her pick her expensive, private college if that's where she wants to go, and if you and DH can afford it. If you are already paying for private HS, then I think you should be on-board for her to go to private college. In my experience, people without money choose the CC route, and people with money go the small, expensive private route, when dealing with low grades. I would think her private school friends might be going to private colleges, too. I just think she has been set up for this and you can't turn around and go the public route now. I say this having gone to public school and then George Mason University for college, no regrets, but my high school cohort was looking at similarly priced schools, I just think it would be different in her shoes being at a private school. You can try talking to your DH about it, but if he, the bio Mom, the daughter, and the school are all pointing towards the private college, your opinion won't sway anyone.

However, I think you can talk to DH about stipulating a minimum GPA in exchange for tuition. If she can't keep up a 3.0, for instance, then she needs to get a loan and work during the summers to pay for school. Once her GPA is back to a 3.0, you can continue to pay.

I think you should support her, and give her a chance to prove herself once she is (sort of) on her own in college.

Just ridiculous. Parents should spend tens of thousands of dollars so she can keep up with her private school friends? If she really wants private, her dad needs to put the fear of god into her about grades, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

OP here---want to come to dinner tonight???

Yes, we can afford it. But I'm having a hard time understanding why it is worth it. What does one get with a no name degree that you can't get from a CC with a transfer to a state school? I agree with the PP above....she hasn't demonstrated an ability to get good grades on her own thus far...what is going to change when she gets to college?

Are there independent college counselors? My kids are in preschool, so I don't pay that much attention to the college forums. I know she has a guidance counselor at school. He's the person that recommended the private schools that she's looking at. What would an independent counselor do?

It sounds like you would prefer it if your two, or is it three, stepchildren would attend less expensive private schools (done at $12K/year) and colleges. I hope for your sake that DH's oldest son does not ask dad for help with graduate school. That way, you will have the money to send your own children to one of the Big 3. Your many posts reflects a disdain and annoyance with DH having to support his first wife and children, though he clearly has the money to do so. However, I can understand that you would prefer to use that money to pay for an exceptional education for your own kids, a beautiful house, vacations to Europe, luxury cars -- who wouldn't, I totally get it, I really do. Just please be honest with yourself about your true, perhaps selfish, motivations regarding DD's college education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

OP here---want to come to dinner tonight???

Yes, we can afford it. But I'm having a hard time understanding why it is worth it. What does one get with a no name degree that you can't get from a CC with a transfer to a state school? I agree with the PP above....she hasn't demonstrated an ability to get good grades on her own thus far...what is going to change when she gets to college?

Are there independent college counselors? My kids are in preschool, so I don't pay that much attention to the college forums. I know she has a guidance counselor at school. He's the person that recommended the private schools that she's looking at. What would an independent counselor do?[/quote]

An independent college counselor would charge you $10,000 and up for college counseling advice. Given that you are clearly looking to save money, I would stick with the school counselors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.

OP here---want to come to dinner tonight???

Yes, we can afford it. But I'm having a hard time understanding why it is worth it. What does one get with a no name degree that you can't get from a CC with a transfer to a state school? I agree with the PP above....she hasn't demonstrated an ability to get good grades on her own thus far...what is going to change when she gets to college?

Are there independent college counselors? My kids are in preschool, so I don't pay that much attention to the college forums. I know she has a guidance counselor at school. He's the person that recommended the private schools that she's looking at. What would an independent counselor do?

It sounds like you would prefer it if your two, or is it three, stepchildren would attend less expensive private schools (done at $12K/year) and colleges. I hope for your sake that DH's oldest son does not ask dad for help with graduate school. That way, you will have the money to send your own children to one of the Big 3. Your many posts reflects a disdain and annoyance with DH having to support his first wife and children, though he clearly has the money to do so. However, I can understand that you would prefer to use that money to pay for an exceptional education for your own kids, a beautiful house, vacations to Europe, luxury cars -- who wouldn't, I totally get it, I really do. Just please be honest with yourself about your true, perhaps selfish, motivations regarding DD's college education.

You are way off base. I would be very proud of my husbands children if they went to good schools and got good jobs. I would be equally as proud of them if they went to trade school and were happy doing whatever trade they choose. My children will not be going private so there will be no Big 3. As I stated earlier, I have knew the deal going in that he supports the ex-wife and his children. As for DSS attending graduate school--I don't think parents should pay for graduate school. At what point do children have to take responsibility for their own actions?

I'm really not sure where these comments came from: "pay for an exceptional education for your own kids, a beautiful house, vacations to Europe, luxury cars "

My kids will go to public, we live in a house that I bought long before I met DH, no one goes to Europe and my car is 10 years old. The car I suspect will be a new purchase soon. The transmission kicks and at some point I am going to have to accept that I need a new car.

So where are your comments coming from?

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I have a DD with stronger grades but she also gets a ton of "support" from her independent high school. I'm starting to worry about her ability to succeed in college without the safety net. So we are also wondering if a small private college is better so she'll have smaller classes, etc vs say a JMU which I fear will just be a cesspool of bad opportunities for her. No one here is a fan of CC, mostly because DD really needs to get put on her own so we can all see if she can make it.

For a student that you are describing, what is wrong with a community college or even a trade school?

Someone has to be the beautician, the plumber, the auto mechanic. Not every child is cut out to go to college, and to dismiss those other educational opportunities really does some kids a disservice.

Quiet frankly, your child could make a very good living in the trades or at least an acceptable living as an administrative assistant.

She is more likely to make it if she had an opportunity that she can succeed in, like community college, than if you throw tens of thousands of dollars away at a private college that she is completely unprepared for. Not to mention, many of the easier degrees at a university are not degrees which will produce jobs as an end result. Given what you described, she is far more likely to support herself in the end if she goes the trade school/community college route.