I'm the step mom--do I get a vote?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should let her pick her expensive, private college if that's where she wants to go, and if you and DH can afford it. If you are already paying for private HS, then I think you should be on-board for her to go to private college. In my experience, people without money choose the CC route, and people with money go the small, expensive private route, when dealing with low grades. I would think her private school friends might be going to private colleges, too. I just think she has been set up for this and you can't turn around and go the public route now. I say this having gone to public school and then George Mason University for college, no regrets, but my high school cohort was looking at similarly priced schools, I just think it would be different in her shoes being at a private school. You can try talking to your DH about it, but if he, the bio Mom, the daughter, and the school are all pointing towards the private college, your opinion won't sway anyone.

However, I think you can talk to DH about stipulating a minimum GPA in exchange for tuition. If she can't keep up a 3.0, for instance, then she needs to get a loan and work during the summers to pay for school. Once her GPA is back to a 3.0, you can continue to pay.

I think you should support her, and give her a chance to prove herself once she is (sort of) on her own in college.

Yes we pay for private HS. But she is not in DC. Her tuition is $12K per year. We are more then happy to pay double that for an in state school. $12K to $40K is a big jump though. Her brother who had better grades, is at a MD State School. He went to the same private as she does. So the private to public option precedent has already been set.

I like your idea of the GPA requirement.

[Anonymous]

In-state portion of tuition poster here (Towson etc)

One other thing you can try is have her take out student loans and reimburse her for the courses she earns a B or C in but not for those with lower grades (you decide your threshold).

This strategy is one we are toying with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In-state portion of tuition poster here (Towson etc)

One other thing you can try is have her take out student loans and reimburse her for the courses she earns a B or C in but not for those with lower grades (you decide your threshold).

This strategy is one we are toying with.

In theory, that sounds great. But what happens if she flunks out? And she ends up with let's say $20K of debt. How the heck is she going to pay it back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really think that it depends on your finances. For the person who is only willing to pay in-state tuition, if you don't have a lot of money, I think that is fine.

Seriously, in-state tuition is fine "if you don't have a lot of money"? Your reality is much, much different than mine if in-state is only for the poors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In-state portion of tuition poster here (Towson etc)

One other thing you can try is have her take out student loans and reimburse her for the courses she earns a B or C in but not for those with lower grades (you decide your threshold).

This strategy is one we are toying with.

In theory, that sounds great. But what happens if she flunks out? And she ends up with let's say $20K of debt. How the heck is she going to pay it back?

That is her problem, isn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In-state portion of tuition poster here (Towson etc)

One other thing you can try is have her take out student loans and reimburse her for the courses she earns a B or C in but not for those with lower grades (you decide your threshold).

This strategy is one we are toying with.

In theory, that sounds great. But what happens if she flunks out? And she ends up with let's say $20K of debt. How the heck is she going to pay it back?

That is her problem, isn't it?

PP here who suggested this strategy - YES- that is her problem. That is the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think that it depends on your finances. For the person who is only willing to pay in-state tuition, if you don't have a lot of money, I think that is fine.

Seriously, in-state tuition is fine "if you don't have a lot of money"? Your reality is much, much different than mine if in-state is only for the poors.

There is a big middle ground between not having a lot of money and being poor. I can't imagine making half million dollars a year yet not being willing to pay your kids tuition to go to a really good college out of state. Especially since high income makes it impossible for student to get good financial aid on her own. Parents who make a ton of money and won't pay for the kids to go to a private college are screwing them over over financial aid wise. And who cares if the kids can get a merit scholarship somewhere, which is unlikely anyway? My father was able to afford to pay for college and he did not let me apply for merit scholarships because he thought that should be reserved for kids do not have the means to go to college without them.

[Anonymous]

I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get the value of a buck; I grew up low middle class. But now that we're new rich, I have to say I feel a bit disgusted by the parents of my kids' friends who live in $2 million houses but insist their kids go to instate colleges. Nothing wrong with going in state, but to make it a requirement stinks when you clearly have $$, IMO.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

There is a big middle ground between not having a lot of money and being poor. I can't imagine making half million dollars a year yet not being willing to pay your kids tuition to go to a really good college out of state. Especially since high income makes it impossible for student to get good financial aid on her own. Parents who make a ton of money and won't pay for the kids to go to a private college are screwing them over over financial aid wise. And who cares if the kids can get a merit scholarship somewhere, which is unlikely anyway? My father was able to afford to pay for college and he did not let me apply for merit scholarships because he thought that should be reserved for kids do not have the means to go to college without them.

I get this, but that's not OP's situation. The kid isn't going to a "really good college out of state" - her grades won't permit that. She talking about going to a really pricey but mediocre college out of state. That'd be a non-starter for me, whether it's a bio kid or a step kid. Plus, the notion that "all her friends are doing it, she you should let her" that a PP espoused is just horseshit. At some point, she's responsible for her poor decisions. (I may feel differently, OP, if your husband has always told her she could go wherever she wanted, and this would be changing course mid-stream.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

There is a big middle ground between not having a lot of money and being poor. I can't imagine making half million dollars a year yet not being willing to pay your kids tuition to go to a really good college out of state. Especially since high income makes it impossible for student to get good financial aid on her own. Parents who make a ton of money and won't pay for the kids to go to a private college are screwing them over over financial aid wise. And who cares if the kids can get a merit scholarship somewhere, which is unlikely anyway? My father was able to afford to pay for college and he did not let me apply for merit scholarships because he thought that should be reserved for kids do not have the means to go to college without them.

I get this, but that's not OP's situation. The kid isn't going to a "really good college out of state" - her grades won't permit that. She talking about going to a really pricey but mediocre college out of state. That'd be a non-starter for me, whether it's a bio kid or a step kid. Plus, the notion that "all her friends are doing it, she you should let her" that a PP espoused is just horseshit. At some point, she's responsible for her poor decisions. (I may feel differently, OP, if your husband has always told her she could go wherever she wanted, and this would be changing course mid-stream.)

I'm the pp. I wasn't replying to op directly at that point. I was replying to the poster who responded to my comment previously. I agree that dsd should probably go the community college route. But if she has serious ADHD issues and they have plenty of money, well, maybe a college tailored to that is worth it.

[Anonymous]

I would agree to pay 1/3 pending a 3.0 average in college. Mom pay 1/3, dad pay 1/3 and kid pay 1/3. If she does well, you can agree to assist in paying for her 1/3 back in needed. Mom is encouraging expensive as she is not paying for it. I would not agree.

[Anonymous]

OP. Does your DH earn more than $250K/year? Does he earn more than $500K/year? Does he earn more than $750K/year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Does your DH earn more than $250K/year? Does he earn more than $500K/year? Does he earn more than $750K/year?

I ask the OP this question, because I think that it is relevant. At a certain point, if DH earns more than enough to cover his financial obligations and commitments to his children, without requiring new-DW to make any contributions, then the decision should be between DH, ex-DW, and DD.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't pay $50k/year for a horrible student to attend a no-name college. She should take out loans and Papa can pay them off if she gets A's and B's. Otherwise, she will have to figure out how to pay off her loans on her own. If she can't get good grades in high school, I don't see her doing all that well in college.