I'm the step mom--do I get a vote?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In case of divorce: "make sure I have a kick ass divorce agreement with ironed out husband's obligation to pay college for our children - real college, not cc."

What a snob you are! There is nothing wrong with cc. I went to a cc in upstate NY for two years, transferred to a 4 year school to finish, and went on to get a graduate degree at Cornell.

+1

Community college grad making 200k as an attorney. Insert eye roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The thread on step mom's finance's got me thinking. My step daughter is a C student. She has a 2.7 GPA. She is a jr and has not taken the SATs yet. On the other thread, people commented that my income is taken into consideration for FAFSA. Her bio mom does not work. My husband still fully supports their household and will continue to do so until the youngest child turns 18. The expectation is that DH and I will pay for college. There is no 529 set up for college.

She is looking at private colleges with high acceptance rates for C students. These colleges will cost $40-50K/yr and are school names I've never heard of. If I was her bio mom or her guidance counselor, I would strongly encourage her to consider community college. However, she feels this is beneath her. I'm all for sending her to a public state school. I just can't see the benefit of paying double for a private education.

So, since my income gets considered as part of the FASFA and my income will be going towards paying for her college---do I get a vote in where she goes?

No! You knew you were going to be a stepmom when you get married. You should have run then. Don't be an Evil Step Mother. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In case of divorce: "make sure I have a kick ass divorce agreement with ironed out husband's obligation to pay college for our children - real college, not cc."

What a snob you are! There is nothing wrong with cc. I went to a cc in upstate NY for two years, transferred to a 4 year school to finish, and went on to get a graduate degree at Cornell.

+1

Community college grad making 200k as an attorney. Insert eye roll.

DH - Community College makes $$$$$$ now - and no student loans.

[Anonymous]

Lots of interesting replies thus far.

My dd was very similar. ADHD, GPA very similar. She wasn't motivated, and we did not press the college decision. We talked about options, I told her we could visit schools she was interested in, but she never asked.

We also made it clear up front that for any class in which she received a grade lower than a C, she would be responsible for the amount of tuition (on a per-credit basis) that class had cost. So if the cost was $300/credit and she received a D in that class, she was responsible for $900 in tuition the next semester.

She is in her last semester at our local community college (decided to go the CC route for numerous reasons, one of which was a lack of motivation to explore other options. Another was that her sister is 9 years younger than she is, and she wanted to be at home a few more years. At least that's the story she's stuck to...). She's spent 5 semesters at the CC and will have her associates degree at the end of this semester.

There were a few bumps early on, and she dropped a few classes along the way, but she's been able to keep her grades a C or higher, and has come to us when she's felt the need to drop a class, instead of just doing it on the sly.

Her grades have gone up as she's adjusted, and she had a 4.0 last spring. Miracle.

She took her time looking at different schools to transfer to, and in addition to our state schools, looked at several out west (University of Oregon, University of Colorado, a small school in Wisconsin). In the end, she was down to the University of Maryland (I'm an alumni, my mother's an alumni) and Towson University. She broke my heart and chose Towson, and starts there in January. She also made what I think is probably the best decision FOR HER.

So, what does your step-daughter want? Is she motivated to go to college? Does she have her heart set on something? Or is it possible that her mom and dad are pushing her and projecting their desires on her?

I think you absolutely get a vote. I understand your reluctance to shell out $40-50K a year for a so-so student who you feel is sliding by. I am assuming her ADHD is being addresed and accommodated properly; if that's not the case, the first course of action should be to fix that.

How are. Relations between you, dh, and his ex? Would it be possible for the three of you to get together and have an honest discussion and come to an agreement? I know that's not always possible, but if it is, that's where I'd start. Then the three of you could talk to your step-daughter and present a unified front.

Good luck. I know it must not be easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread on step mom's finance's got me thinking. My step daughter is a C student. She has a 2.7 GPA. She is a jr and has not taken the SATs yet. On the other thread, people commented that my income is taken into consideration for FAFSA. Her bio mom does not work. My husband still fully supports their household and will continue to do so until the youngest child turns 18. The expectation is that DH and I will pay for college. There is no 529 set up for college.

She is looking at private colleges with high acceptance rates for C students. These colleges will cost $40-50K/yr and are school names I've never heard of. If I was her bio mom or her guidance counselor, I would strongly encourage her to consider community college. However, she feels this is beneath her. I'm all for sending her to a public state school. I just can't see the benefit of paying double for a private education.

So, since my income gets considered as part of the FASFA and my income will be going towards paying for her college---do I get a vote in where she goes?

No! You knew you were going to be a stepmom when you get married. You should have run then. Don't be an Evil Step Mother. Get over yourself.

If OP was the biological mom, would she get a vote? How is this any different? Are you suggesting that just because she is the step mom, she has to go along with whatever the bio family decides AND has to agree to pay for whatever they decide?

[Anonymous]

~ yup!

Her husband - the child's father pays. If it comes out of his "new" family's budget, so be it.

Yes, your salary is considered for FA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:~ yup!

Her husband - the child's father pays. If it comes out of his "new" family's budget, so be it.

Yes, your salary is considered for FA

Actually, both parents should pay. Mom should pay 50% and Dad should pay 50% or Mom pay 1/3, child pay 1/3 and Dad pay 1/3. Why can't mom pay for her child's education as well?

[Anonymous]

During her senior year of school do not claim her anymore. Then when she goes to file for her FAFSA she can claim independent student status. Allow her to work her senior year (THIS IS A MUST). I was actually an independent student (BEEN ON MY OWN SINCE my 17th BDAY). I did not have to include my parents income on my FAFSA forms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During her senior year of school do not claim her anymore. Then when she goes to file for her FAFSA she can claim independent student status. Allow her to work her senior year (THIS IS A MUST). I was actually an independent student (BEEN ON MY OWN SINCE my 17th BDAY). I did not have to include my parents income on my FAFSA forms.

Oh and one more thing. If my child is a C student I am not paying for shit. They will just fuck up in college where you have to be even more responsible. They would have to find their own way. F THAT!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:During her senior year of school do not claim her anymore. Then when she goes to file for her FAFSA she can claim independent student status. Allow her to work her senior year (THIS IS A MUST). I was actually an independent student (BEEN ON MY OWN SINCE my 17th BDAY). I did not have to include my parents income on my FAFSA forms.

This doesn't work for student loans...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread on step mom's finance's got me thinking. My step daughter is a C student. She has a 2.7 GPA. She is a jr and has not taken the SATs yet. On the other thread, people commented that my income is taken into consideration for FAFSA. Her bio mom does not work. My husband still fully supports their household and will continue to do so until the youngest child turns 18. The expectation is that DH and I will pay for college. There is no 529 set up for college.

She is looking at private colleges with high acceptance rates for C students. These colleges will cost $40-50K/yr and are school names I've never heard of. If I was her bio mom or her guidance counselor, I would strongly encourage her to consider community college. However, she feels this is beneath her. I'm all for sending her to a public state school. I just can't see the benefit of paying double for a private education.

So, since my income gets considered as part of the FASFA and my income will be going towards paying for her college---do I get a vote in where she goes?

No! You knew you were going to be a stepmom when you get married. You should have run then. Don't be an Evil Step Mother. Get over yourself.

If OP was the biological mom, would she get a vote? How is this any different? Are you suggesting that just because she is the step mom, she has to go along with whatever the bio family decides AND has to agree to pay for whatever they decide?

That is precisely what I'm suggesting. As a biological mom, it's my decision where my DCs go, hands down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thread on step mom's finance's got me thinking. My step daughter is a C student. She has a 2.7 GPA. She is a jr and has not taken the SATs yet. On the other thread, people commented that my income is taken into consideration for FAFSA. Her bio mom does not work. My husband still fully supports their household and will continue to do so until the youngest child turns 18. The expectation is that DH and I will pay for college. There is no 529 set up for college.

She is looking at private colleges with high acceptance rates for C students. These colleges will cost $40-50K/yr and are school names I've never heard of. If I was her bio mom or her guidance counselor, I would strongly encourage her to consider community college. However, she feels this is beneath her. I'm all for sending her to a public state school. I just can't see the benefit of paying double for a private education.

So, since my income gets considered as part of the FASFA and my income will be going towards paying for her college---do I get a vote in where she goes?

No! You knew you were going to be a stepmom when you get married. You should have run then. Don't be an Evil Step Mother. Get over yourself.

If OP was the biological mom, would she get a vote? How is this any different? Are you suggesting that just because she is the step mom, she has to go along with whatever the bio family decides AND has to agree to pay for whatever they decide?

That is precisely what I'm suggesting. As a biological mom, it's my decision where my DCs go, hands down.

Okay, then you can also figure out how to pay for it "hands down"--don't ask the step mom to contribute. Either ex DH can afford it on his own or he can't. Since the bio mom in this case does not work, I'm not sure how much financial say she really gets.