Envious when people post about their wealth and success on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I am not envious of wealth per se, but I am periodically envious of our friends' travels abroad or vacation homes (not anything specifically about them, just being able to have a getaway is a luxury I would love to have). The people we know with more money than us don't talk about it, except if the topic of estate planning comes up. Even then, it's in the context of family relationships, different approaches (money is to enjoy, money is to pass on), and/or anxieties and hopes of one person or another. I.e. we talk with our friends at real issues in their lives, not how much their new chairs cost.

My frustration with not always having enough to do everything we might like (and who does?) is totally separate from what other people have. I can't think of a single person whose whole life I would like to exchange for mine, and that's saying a lot as DH and I have each been through some things as kids that most people don't have to deal with.

As I write that, thank you, OP! I hadn't really realized that as much as I sometimes fantasize that more money would be great, I wouldn't trade the total package just to be rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the first two responses.

"I'm a 1%er!"
"I come from old money!"

Classic DCUM.

OP, I just figure most are lying because no one with money actually talks about it. Sort of like how a doctor doubled the amount drinks you say you have to get to the truth-- I half what anyone says is the income, at a minimum.

+1!The truly rich don't want/need to advertise it. Quite the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love the first two responses.

"I'm a 1%er!"
"I come from old money!"

Classic DCUM.

OP, I just figure most are lying because no one with money actually talks about it. Sort of like how a doctor doubled the amount drinks you say you have to get to the truth-- I half what anyone says is the income, at a minimum.

+1!The truly rich don't want/need to advertise it. Quite the opposite.

Not true. Lots of wealthy people are very much in to advertising it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Honestly, the more glamorous stuff people post on FB, the more I assume that everything else in their life sucks. It's just such a pathetic cry for attention and validation, and someone who was secure and happy wouldn't need to do it.

As far as posting about money stuff on DCUM, I think it's pointless bc so much of it is clearly made up. I myself have made up many things on DCUM over the years. I have been both richer and poorer than I really am, had different numbers and ages of kids, etc. It's totally anonymous, so I take everything with an enormous grain of salt. I basically assume any poster could be a 400-lb 40-year-old man living in his mother's basement. To the extent that the conversation is interesting, I don't really care. But I certainly don't get any "satisfaction" from posting true things about my life. I think it's odd that you seem to need an outlet to talk about your wealth, because you feel FB won't do. Why do you need to broadcast it at all? Why not just enjoy it?

OMG! The "400-lb 40-year-old man living in his mother's basement" is exactly my impression of DCUM too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:12:50 here again. Dh and I went to a fundraising event a few months ago that was pretty expensive. I remember talking to someone who kept going on and on about their trip to Europe and where they stayed and how much the room cost and what it came with etc etc. I couldn't wait to get out of the conversation. You know whose story I was more interested in? My friend who makes about 60K a year and just ran a marathon.

OP again. You are misreading my post. I am very humble and modest. I go out of my way to downplay my wealth and I don't post on FB. I'm probably more like your marathon friend. When people talk about their struggles, such as living paycheck to paycheck, I try to listen, even though I can no longer relate to their problems. (Sometimes I truly feel sorry, but sometimes I think they are idiots for making poor life decisions).

What I am trying to say is that as my wealth increases, I am doing more interesting and expensive things. I am trying to find an outlet for discussing those things in a comfortable environment without losing my friends and family. In other words, I want to start talking to your friend about that European vacation. I've spent most of my life talking to the 60K marathoner already. Very interesting, but I've already done that.

[Anonymous]

"OP again. You are misreading my post. I am very humble and modest. I go out of my way to downplay my wealth and I don't post on FB. I'm probably more like your marathon friend. When people talk about their struggles, such as living paycheck to paycheck, I try to listen, even though I can no longer relate to their problems. (Sometimes I truly feel sorry, but sometimes I think they are idiots for making poor life decisions).

What I am trying to say is that as my wealth increases, I am doing more interesting and expensive things. I am trying to find an outlet for discussing those things in a comfortable environment without losing my friends and family. In other words, I want to start talking to your friend about that European vacation. I've spent most of my life talking to the 60K marathoner already. Very interesting, but I've already done that. "

Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Sweetie, people just don't care about that stuff. Sorry, but they don't. And they are probably laughing at you everytime you post. I promise you, no one cares about your new handbag.

Just went back and looked at my page -

Yesterday I posted a picture of my son at his Martial Arts testing.
There is a post about my DH and I working in the backyard.
I scanned and posted my son's school picture for his grandparents.
I posted a news article and tagged my college aged boys. It was relevant to their degrees.
I posted a couple of links to some neat gardening stuff.
We went to church and out to eat and I posted the name of the Indian restaurant because it was so incredibly good!
My daughter's rowing team traveled to a regatta and I posted the results plus a couple of pictures.
I posted a picture of our family sitting around the fire pit roasting marshmallows last week.

Most of these posts were directly for the benefit of grandparents who live far away. I don't have any friends who post about handbags. The only exotic vacation pictures I care about are the ones that have people in them - and that's what my friends post. I have lots of very wealthy friends. None of them use facebook to make sure the world knows they are wealthy.

Nobody cares about these, either.

I disagree. Unlike the person who posted her daughter's feet (???), these posts are intended for family who live far away (as the poster said). This is the exact type of stuff the family would be interested in. As for gardening stuff, one would imagine the poster has like-minded friends who'd be interested in gardening.

[Anonymous]

No, I am not envious of posters on this site who are wealthy, because everyone here seems so angry and miserable regardless.

[Anonymous]

OP must be a troll ... or really really clueless. No one will resent you if you talk about your lovely vacations or your new home. Now if you post a picture of a new purse, complete with price tag, on Facebook, well yeah, they might find you a little strange. But that would be more because it would seem you have a screw loose than about your money.

If you think money takes away the ability to maintain the interest in things that really matter in life ... like family and friends and good books you've read and maybe interesting things you've read in the newspaper ... then you really are clueless and shallow. rich people still (hopefully) love their families more than their money. They still have struggles at work and home, aging paretns, challenged children that they may want to share, etc, and rich full lives that would likely leave little time for discussing a handbag.

But I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and guess you are troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Sweetie, people just don't care about that stuff. Sorry, but they don't. And they are probably laughing at you everytime you post. I promise you, no one cares about your new handbag.

Just went back and looked at my page -

Yesterday I posted a picture of my son at his Martial Arts testing.
There is a post about my DH and I working in the backyard.
I scanned and posted my son's school picture for his grandparents.
I posted a news article and tagged my college aged boys. It was relevant to their degrees.
I posted a couple of links to some neat gardening stuff.
We went to church and out to eat and I posted the name of the Indian restaurant because it was so incredibly good!
My daughter's rowing team traveled to a regatta and I posted the results plus a couple of pictures.
I posted a picture of our family sitting around the fire pit roasting marshmallows last week.

Most of these posts were directly for the benefit of grandparents who live far away. I don't have any friends who post about handbags. The only exotic vacation pictures I care about are the ones that have people in them - and that's what my friends post. I have lots of very wealthy friends. None of them use facebook to make sure the world knows they are wealthy.

Nobody cares about these, either.

I disagree. Unlike the person who posted her daughter's feet (???), these posts are intended for family who live far away (as the poster said). This is the exact type of stuff the family would be interested in. As for gardening stuff, one would imagine the poster has like-minded friends who'd be interested in gardening.

Agree that nobody cares about this boring shit. Living far way from family doesn't make people retarded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP must be a troll ... or really really clueless. No one will resent you if you talk about your lovely vacations or your new home. Now if you post a picture of a new purse, complete with price tag, on Facebook, well yeah, they might find you a little strange. But that would be more because it would seem you have a screw loose than about your money.
If you think money takes away the ability to maintain the interest in things that really matter in life ... like family and friends and good books you've read and maybe interesting things you've read in the newspaper ... then you really are clueless and shallow. rich people still (hopefully) love their families more than their money. They still have struggles at work and home, aging paretns, challenged children that they may want to share, etc, and rich full lives that would likely leave little time for discussing a handbag.

But I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and guess you are troll.

I repeat. I do NOT post on FB. The handbag is an example of a post that someone might make. Maybe not "look at the handbag I just bought". But people will have a photo with their new handbag. Then there will be comments about it. Or people might post "Help me pick which handbag I should buy"

I do think people resent rich people or happy people that post on FB, especially if they are poor and unhappy. I sent a link earlier about a study that made this conclusion.

I have a great life and I love spending time with friends and family. But I am now able to enjoy a better lifestyle that they simply cannot enjoy... less work, more free time and more luxuries. I think I need more friends that will be able to better relate with my future lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"OP again. You are misreading my post. I am very humble and modest. I go out of my way to downplay my wealth and I don't post on FB. I'm probably more like your marathon friend. When people talk about their struggles, such as living paycheck to paycheck, I try to listen, even though I can no longer relate to their problems. (Sometimes I truly feel sorry, but sometimes I think they are idiots for making poor life decisions).

What I am trying to say is that as my wealth increases, I am doing more interesting and expensive things. I am trying to find an outlet for discussing those things in a comfortable environment without losing my friends and family. In other words, I want to start talking to your friend about that European vacation. I've spent most of my life talking to the 60K marathoner already. Very interesting, but I've already done that. "

Yikes!

OP, you probably should have posted in a financial forum. I understand what you're trying to say, though.

I have a "wealthy" co-worker who hangs out with a wealthy crowd and they take expensive vacations and talk investments, etc. which she is very discreet about. She also remains very involved with the family and friends who have mostly blue collar backgrounds and have no idea of her recent "millionaire" status.

[Anonymous]

If you are looking for rich people who can relate to your new lifestyle move to Chevy Chase or McLean or a similar neighborhood. Send your kids to private school, join a club, go to charity galas, buy a second home on Nantucket/Martha's vineyard and voila you will be surrounded by rich people that you can make friends with. Be careful what you wish for. You may feel compelled to keep up with the jones' and you may not feel as rich as you did when you had more money than your previous friends.
If you want new rich friends to compare vacation locations there are plenty of places to meet them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you probably should have posted in a financial forum. I understand what you're trying to say, though.

I have a "wealthy" co-worker who hangs out with a wealthy crowd and they take expensive vacations and talk investments, etc. which she is very discreet about. She also remains very involved with the family and friends who have mostly blue collar backgrounds and have no idea of her recent "millionaire" status.

Thanks for the friendly post. I will probably end up like your friend. My family and friends are not blue collar. They are all very hard working professionals. They generally spend too much time working and too much time with their kids. They are reasonably well off financially, but they have a poor quality of life. My post is not just about wealth, but about success and happiness too.

In a way, I am like a lottery winner or perhaps like a young athlete or musician that signed a big contract. Once your life changes like this, it changes your existing relationships. Typically 2 things happen: 1) your friends envy you and you lose them. this is them rejecting you as much as you choosing new friends. 2) you generously share your wealth and party with entourages. In this case, you quickly lose your status and end up broke. Both outcomes are bad.

[Anonymous]

OP likes hanging out with the "poors" so she can feel superior, then complains (essentially) about not having enough in common.