Envious when people post about their wealth and success on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

To me, DCUM just demonstrates that money can't buy happiness. There's so many f-ed up posts from people who claim to have a ton of money. I'm perfectly fine where I'm at, and think that having too much more would add stress to my life.

[Anonymous]

I am what you would consider one of The Poors, since I earn under six figures and rent (and have no plans to own).

It's not that I am jealous of the people better off than I am, so much that I get annoyed when they don't seem to be appreciating what they have.

[Anonymous]

11:00 here. I just saw what 10:54 posted and she wrote it much better than I could. I just looked at my FB and saw what I posted in the past 2 weeks.

1. Picture of DS eating mango with the happiest grin on his face
2. a funny article about my home state I knew my friends would like
3. A repost/share of a friend's status regarding her upcoming fundraiser
4. Pictures of a day trip we took
5. Pictures of our family at the zoo (we dont' live in DC)

In that time, we firmed up vacation plans in both November, January, and May, looked at a couple of new houses, went to an expensive fundraising event, went out to eat at an expensive restaurant, and I received a beautiful piece of jewelry from my husband for our anniversary.

None of that needs to be posted on FB.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of people need to spend some time defining what "success" looks like. Some of the wealthiest people I know are the least "successful". You are not successful if you make a ton of money but have a failed marriage. You are not successful if you spend 10 hours every day at work then come home and throw supper at your kids so that you can work some more after they go to bed. You are not successful if you are frazzled, exhausted, and sick.

Success to our family means constantly reevaluating our values and priorities and then living our lives in harmony with those things we deem "First Things".

For us, success meant leaving D.C. for a simpler life. I'm not suggesting everyone needs to do that. I'm simply saying that to be successful means that you are living your life in a way that creates genuine happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Who feels the need to post on Facebook about a new handbag or refrigerator? That is truly, truly bizarre. My FB posts are generally pics of my kids and updates about things my family and friends might be interested in. I can't fathom that anyone would care about some expensive thing I bought, and it would never occur to me to post it on FB. I might occasionally put up a beautiful or interesting travel photo but I certainly don't need to advertise everytime I get on a plane. Why would anybody else give a crap about that??

You sound kind of socially clueless, OP. I don't know what there is to be done about that but perhaps if you focused more on enjoying your family and friends and less time thinking about money and purchases and exotic travel, you may learn to be a bit less awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the PP (10:26)

I don't post about vacations, food, restaurants, cars, handbags, etc on FB. I just don't use FB that way. So, no, I don't think I display wealth via social media.

Our wealth gives us a cushion for things that are important for us (college educations for our kids, travel, and philanthropy). But we don't overspend and most of it will be passed to the next generation and given to charity. We are not interested in collecting "stuff" and like to live below our means. Our extended family is like that in general. Every family is different.

The money has been around for a long time, and maybe mistakes were made in previous generations that helped form the family ethos that has been passed down through my great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, etc. I don't know. But this approach to wealth has worked for a while for our family, and has kept the next generation grounded.

Don't kid yourself, PP. You are just as insufferable as OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Whoa. This is why I am not a fan of "new money" people. Here is what I've posted on FB in the last two weeks:
1. Something I saw in a store that I would have loved when I was 5 yrs old (I did not buy it, and nobody could tell the store was Gap)
2. A pic of DD's feet while the rest of her body is hidden in the tree she just climbed
3. An article by David Sedaris that I liked and knew many of my friends would also enjoy
4. A simulation of flying through 17th century London done by university students that I thought was pretty cool

In that same two-week period I went to two fancy restaurants and firmed up plans to vacation next month at a beautiful place in Mexico. None of that made it onto my Facebook page. Why? Because I don't brag. It really IS what you make it. You are CHOOSING to use Facebook to brag. Facebook is not at ALL about purchases. Unless you make it that way.

OP here. I am afraid to post anything on FB, so I don't. My point is that this anonymous forum is more satisfying. By posting something at the store, people will think you go shopping a lot and that you bought it. Maybe others can't afford it. By posting a picture of a tree, that means you are on vacation or you have lots of free time to go to the park. Others may be working too much or they have to stay home and babysit a baby or an aging parent. They are 2 posts about living a good life that other readers may envy. While your Mexico vacation isn't on FB yet, I sure bet those beach pictures will be there next month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Whoa. This is why I am not a fan of "new money" people. Here is what I've posted on FB in the last two weeks:
1. Something I saw in a store that I would have loved when I was 5 yrs old (I did not buy it, and nobody could tell the store was Gap)
2. A pic of DD's feet while the rest of her body is hidden in the tree she just climbed
3. An article by David Sedaris that I liked and knew many of my friends would also enjoy
4. A simulation of flying through 17th century London done by university students that I thought was pretty cool

In that same two-week period I went to two fancy restaurants and firmed up plans to vacation next month at a beautiful place in Mexico. None of that made it onto my Facebook page. Why? Because I don't brag. It really IS what you make it. You are CHOOSING to use Facebook to brag. Facebook is not at ALL about purchases. Unless you make it that way.

Ehh. I am "new money" and I don't ever put that kind of stuff in FB. I mostly just congratulate people for new babies, marriages, etc and occasionally post a picture of my children. This isn't a new money v old money thing. It is a jerk thing v a non-jerk thing. I know plenty of old money types who make it very known that they are old money. So, perhaps you need to reconsider your sweeping generalizations. And I would roll my eyes at what you post. No one cares about your DD's feet.

+100000

[Anonymous]

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Sweetie, people just don't care about that stuff. Sorry, but they don't. And they are probably laughing at you everytime you post. I promise you, no one cares about your new handbag.

Just went back and looked at my page -

Yesterday I posted a picture of my son at his Martial Arts testing.
There is a post about my DH and I working in the backyard.
I scanned and posted my son's school picture for his grandparents.
I posted a news article and tagged my college aged boys. It was relevant to their degrees.
I posted a couple of links to some neat gardening stuff.
We went to church and out to eat and I posted the name of the Indian restaurant because it was so incredibly good!
My daughter's rowing team traveled to a regatta and I posted the results plus a couple of pictures.
I posted a picture of our family sitting around the fire pit roasting marshmallows last week.

Most of these posts were directly for the benefit of grandparents who live far away. I don't have any friends who post about handbags. The only exotic vacation pictures I care about are the ones that have people in them - and that's what my friends post. I have lots of very wealthy friends. None of them use facebook to make sure the world knows they are wealthy.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't upset me, but I think in the Arlington, Bethesda, Potomac and McLean areas a $200,000 income is on the lower end. A million dollar home seems like the norm too, though I know it's a bit less than that.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the more glamorous stuff people post on FB, the more I assume that everything else in their life sucks. It's just such a pathetic cry for attention and validation, and someone who was secure and happy wouldn't need to do it.

As far as posting about money stuff on DCUM, I think it's pointless bc so much of it is clearly made up. I myself have made up many things on DCUM over the years. I have been both richer and poorer than I really am, had different numbers and ages of kids, etc. It's totally anonymous, so I take everything with an enormous grain of salt. I basically assume any poster could be a 400-lb 40-year-old man living in his mother's basement. To the extent that the conversation is interesting, I don't really care. But I certainly don't get any "satisfaction" from posting true things about my life. I think it's odd that you seem to need an outlet to talk about your wealth, because you feel FB won't do. Why do you need to broadcast it at all? Why not just enjoy it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Whoa. This is why I am not a fan of "new money" people. Here is what I've posted on FB in the last two weeks:
1. Something I saw in a store that I would have loved when I was 5 yrs old (I did not buy it, and nobody could tell the store was Gap)
2. A pic of DD's feet while the rest of her body is hidden in the tree she just climbed
3. An article by David Sedaris that I liked and knew many of my friends would also enjoy
4. A simulation of flying through 17th century London done by university students that I thought was pretty cool

In that same two-week period I went to two fancy restaurants and firmed up plans to vacation next month at a beautiful place in Mexico. None of that made it onto my Facebook page. Why? Because I don't brag. It really IS what you make it. You are CHOOSING to use Facebook to brag. Facebook is not at ALL about purchases. Unless you make it that way.

OP here. I am afraid to post anything on FB, so I don't. My point is that this anonymous forum is more satisfying. By posting something at the store, people will think you go shopping a lot and that you bought it. Maybe others can't afford it. By posting a picture of a tree, that means you are on vacation or you have lots of free time to go to the park. Others may be working too much or they have to stay home and babysit a baby or an aging parent. They are 2 posts about living a good life that other readers may envy. While your Mexico vacation isn't on FB yet, I sure bet those beach pictures will be there next month.

You seem to be having a hard time believing others have different ways of viewing and doing life than you. The tree was next to the farmer's market DD and I go to every Saturday morning in the midst of our Saturday morning errands. I do not post the pic everyone else does, of the body of water with the bare feet at the bottom. Your inability to accept that not everyone brags is disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Because I post fake wealthy comments. Including one earlier in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that people think FB posts are unrelated to wealth and creating envy. My post was partly triggered by reading this article:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/22/facebook-study-envy_n_2526549.html

Thus my decision not to post on FB.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't everybody post fake wealthy posts? You can usually tell in the details.