Envious when people post about their wealth and success on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I am new to DCUM and I have noticed that there are lots of wealthy and successful people here. There are hundreds of threads about million dollar homes, private schools, incomes over $200K, expensive vacations, luxury goods, etc. etc.

Does reading about this upset you? Are you a rich or happy person? Are you upset when people post about these things on Facebook?

I am quite successful and I think this is a good anonymous place to post. I can't post some things on Facebook because I don't want my friends, family, and colleagues to know about my success or wealth or happiness. It changes relationships. People treat you differently when they know you are in a different class. There are so many stories about lottery winners that have bad relations with family and friends after winning.

Do other wealthy people feel the same way? Do you continue to boast on Facebook or do you share my concern? While you may not be trying to boast, others will perceive it that way.

[Anonymous]

I don't care about other people's wealth and as to my own, it's no one's business but my own.

as to my friends and our prosperity relative to each other, my best friend is a senior executive and makes an ungodly amount of money. I'm a 1%'er but he is in the 0.5% of earners - but our friendship was built on trust and respect many years ago and is even stronger today.

I guess it comes down to your own security, self respect and confidence. I harbor no jealousy on material things As a single parent I do very well on my own and can provide everything my DD can need or want.

and I don't use FB - I prefer to maintain my privacy.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an old money family, and no one ever discussed our wealth with people outside the family. My relatives do not wear expensive clothes, or drive fancy cars, or conduct themselves in an extravagant manner. Almost all of my siblings and cousins work professionally (some full-time/some part-time), and almost all have advanced degrees. In my family, money was spent on education, travel, and philanthropy (usually anonymous gifts). There is also a second home which the extended family uses as a retreat, so money is spent on the upkeep of that. But, in general, the family ethos is that investments are grown more than they are spent, and the money is handed down to the next generation and given to charity.

You would never know I come from wealth, or the extent of it. My kids attended public school, had cashier and restaurant jobs in high school, college and in summers, and we live in a modest area. My kids are grounded and centered in their values. That is the greatest "capital" that is passed from generation to generation in any family.

Posting on FB about wealth is bizaare to me.

[Anonymous]

I'm not envious because I have everything I want.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

[Anonymous]

Um, I don't internalize anything I read on the Internet, ever.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 10:26 in terms of concepts of education, travel and philanthropy.

We are an old Volvo family. We do public elementary school though private middle and high school. The kids get a very modest allowance compared to their friends. I use a Coach purse that my mother bought in the 80's.

Normally I don't like to generalize because there are always exceptions, but overall I find many of the "new money" people to be sort of dizzy with their newfound power, and they seem to need to exercise that power repeatedly in many different forms.

[Anonymous]

I love the first two responses.

"I'm a 1%er!"
"I come from old money!"

Classic DCUM.

OP, I just figure most are lying because no one with money actually talks about it. Sort of like how a doctor doubled the amount drinks you say you have to get to the truth-- I half what anyone says is the income, at a minimum.

[Anonymous]

I am the PP (10:26)

I don't post about vacations, food, restaurants, cars, handbags, etc on FB. I just don't use FB that way. So, no, I don't think I display wealth via social media.

Our wealth gives us a cushion for things that are important for us (college educations for our kids, travel, and philanthropy). But we don't overspend and most of it will be passed to the next generation and given to charity. We are not interested in collecting "stuff" and like to live below our means. Our extended family is like that in general. Every family is different.

The money has been around for a long time, and maybe mistakes were made in previous generations that helped form the family ethos that has been passed down through my great-grandparents, grandparents, parents, etc. I don't know. But this approach to wealth has worked for a while for our family, and has kept the next generation grounded.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am envious about wealth. However, not from DCUM or Facebook. None of my friends post photos of fridges or purses on Facebook, however I see these things in real life and I hear about vacations and cars and see houses and housekeepers etc. We live in a expensive neighborhood, send kids to private school, belong to a country club and have family members who have far exceeded our success and have bought second homes, yachts, $4k homes, have full time housekeepers, dog walkers, gorgeous clothes, cars etc. and we are constantly struggling to pay our bills and worry about money. We need to change our lifestyle and get our bills under control. I know envy is bad so I try to feel gratitude for what we have and not focus on others and realize everyone has their challenges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Whoa. This is why I am not a fan of "new money" people. Here is what I've posted on FB in the last two weeks:
1. Something I saw in a store that I would have loved when I was 5 yrs old (I did not buy it, and nobody could tell the store was Gap)
2. A pic of DD's feet while the rest of her body is hidden in the tree she just climbed
3. An article by David Sedaris that I liked and knew many of my friends would also enjoy
4. A simulation of flying through 17th century London done by university students that I thought was pretty cool

In that same two-week period I went to two fancy restaurants and firmed up plans to vacation next month at a beautiful place in Mexico. None of that made it onto my Facebook page. Why? Because I don't brag. It really IS what you make it. You are CHOOSING to use Facebook to brag. Facebook is not at ALL about purchases. Unless you make it that way.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great to read about folks that worked hard and saved. Or folks that had old money and did good with that.

I live paycheck to paycheck on 200k. Family of 3... we are horrible with money but I am in no mean jealous of wealthy folks. I didn't scrimp and save so... yeah! I got no money saved aside from my whole life policy. I don't deserve it because I didn't work for (or kept what was given down). I have other issues to worry about, like my crumbling marriage. After that I'm planning on living tightly to make up for lose time.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 10:53, although we are not old money and have only been wealthy for the past couple of years. I do not use facebook to post what restaurants I go to, what food I'm eating, what clothes/shoes/bag/car I'm driving, etc. I never used it like that before, and I will never use it like that now that we are wealthy. It just seems weird. I also don't go talking about all that I buy.

Vacations are a bit different since we do post some pictures up on FB.

To me posting about the fancy dinner parties and all of that is like saying "look at me! Look how wealthy I am now! Aren't you jealous? Don't you want to be me?"

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure many folks who read DCUM are envious of the "I am wealthy" posts. Those posts tend to either read like "I am making stuff up" or "I am wealthy but unfulfilled and hope that mentioning my wealthy will make others jealous so that I feel accomplished relative to them." Then when other readers act like the post was kind if in poor taste, OPs in the bragging camp ascribe it to jealousy (which I guess it's important for them to believe if they want to feel their wealth matters for much).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Whoa. This is why I am not a fan of "new money" people. Here is what I've posted on FB in the last two weeks:
1. Something I saw in a store that I would have loved when I was 5 yrs old (I did not buy it, and nobody could tell the store was Gap)
2. A pic of DD's feet while the rest of her body is hidden in the tree she just climbed
3. An article by David Sedaris that I liked and knew many of my friends would also enjoy
4. A simulation of flying through 17th century London done by university students that I thought was pretty cool

In that same two-week period I went to two fancy restaurants and firmed up plans to vacation next month at a beautiful place in Mexico. None of that made it onto my Facebook page. Why? Because I don't brag. It really IS what you make it. You are CHOOSING to use Facebook to brag. Facebook is not at ALL about purchases. Unless you make it that way.

Ehh. I am "new money" and I don't ever put that kind of stuff in FB. I mostly just congratulate people for new babies, marriages, etc and occasionally post a picture of my children. This isn't a new money v old money thing. It is a jerk thing v a non-jerk thing. I know plenty of old money types who make it very known that they are old money. So, perhaps you need to reconsider your sweeping generalizations. And I would roll my eyes at what you post. No one cares about your DD's feet.