Envious when people post about their wealth and success on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I have concluded the same thing that was obvious from your original post. You just don't get it. You may have money but you lack the social nuances of relating to other people in a way that is not annoying and off-putting. If people avoid you or don't respond, you chalk it up to envy, but I promise you it's your personality.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am saying that a common talking point for many people is travel. Other topics include food, sports, children, etc. Does it make a big difference if you talk about these things in person, on the phone, by email, by blog, or through FB? If I email about travel, I don't think that makes me any different than other people who communicate about other subjects through other ways. This is just another example of how people enjoy attacking some of my points for no particular reason.

The real point is when I talk about subjects that hint at wealth, it seems to me that some people are envious. I fear I may lose their friendship. To this, someone pointed out that it's all my fault because I lack oral or written communication skills. I am not saying that everyone is envious, but I definitely think some people are. I also feel uncomfortable talking about these subjects, and some snarky replyers disagree and claim that I boast.

My spouse says that I am too quiet. I need to boast more to gain people's respect. I need to share my successful habits with others rather than just keep quiet.

You don't seem to get how patronizing and off putting your posts here are ("you should share your successful habits more and boast more"? really?). Which leads me to believe that your emails are likewise a burden to read and respond to. For some reason, you think it's because you have it so good that people hate you for it (here you blame others for attacking you "for no reason"). My guess is, they just don't like you. That would certainly be understandable.

Focus on people who like you and respond positively to your emails. Why are you even trying to keep the envious crowd in your orbit? It feels like you think you deserve to be liked by everyone so, whenever someone doesn't like you, you need to find a fault with them. JUst move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, I don't internalize anything I read on the Internet, ever.

Same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm pleased to see that my post has generated some interesting conversation. The recent comments have been much more interesting and satisfying I think. Maybe Monday posters are better than Sunday posters.

Here is what I have learned from the 8 pages of responses:
1.) MOST people do like to discuss their wealth in DCUM. It is anonymous. This has generated 8 pages of posts in a short time. There are dozens of other threads where people state their incomes and expenses. People claim to hate boasting or discussing their wealth in person or on FB (like me - I avoid FB).
2.) People deny that their FB posts are about their wealth. I still disagree with the majority here, but some people at least partly agree that most posts hint at your wealth and your general happiness with your family and friends. One poster called FB "Facebrag" and that has stuck with me.
3.) People like attacking me (successful people). When I post EXAMPLES (some real, some hypothetical), people are quick to attack them.
4.) People admire the low key millionaire more than the extravagant one. I do too. This makes sense to me. I like the old money person who lives simply and focuses on education and charity. The few people who know about my wealth, think this is me. Most people think I am just middle class. My kids will likely be this way too. We don't spoil them and they are very grounded. In this thread, I have hinted at making a change to finally start enjoying my wealth a bit more (and that created some animosity). I am so happy and comfortable living simply, that I'm not sure how much added enjoyment I will get from luxurious living. It is an experiment for the next decade. We are big savers that started with nothing. We frown upon rich people that live paycheck to paycheck.
5) Most people claim that they don't envy the rich (which contradicts the FB study). But a few admit to being jealous. Of course, rich people have many problems too. Of course being happy, healthy and poor is better than being depressed, sick, and filthy rich.

About vacations, some people say they never talk about them. Is that because you and the people you know don't take them? Taking vacations and even living abroad is a VERY VERY big part of my lifestyle and almost ALL of my friends and family can relate. So I see and read about trips on FB 24/7. This hobby might be unique to me, but I'm sure many other readers can relate too. DC people travel a lot! BTW, talking about fancy hotels is just an example. I started out in hostals, and then hotels. The next decade will likely see me in 5 star type places. Once again, I'm happy with regular hotels, so I'm not sure how much added joy I will get from this type of upgrade.

So what have you concluded from this thread and from DCUM in general (regarding wealth, envy, and FB)?

I have concluded that people full of wind are stunningly boring.

Please save the dissertation for the classroom.

[Anonymous]

OP here. So the personal attacks are continuing. I get it. I sound like a snob that feels superior to most people. This is very off putting. I will admit I am guilty as charged. I will no longer try to defend myself. But do keep in mind that I only say these things in this thread. In real life, I am a quiet, well liked person. I could be your co-worker or your neighbor. I have learned to keep my thoughts of superiority to myself. I love people, but I willingly admit that there are so many people that turn me off with their poor life decisions (bad decisions concerning love, marriage, divorce, children, career, school, etc. etc.) I feel that if people made the decisions I did, they would be in a happier place too.

I am also a Republican that believes that people should rely on themselves rather than the government.

Finally, I still feel like I would have received a little more support from the money and finance crowd. The relationship board people are probably a sad, depressed group of people with relationship problems. In my opinion, some of you envy me and most people don't care either way. Some will respond by saying that you pity me because I'm so boring or off putting or pick your negative adjective. You are entitled to your opinion.

In a future post, I will bring up another similar subject but write in the most politically correct way. I will try to get positive instead of negative feedback.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read this entire string of posts because it's too long, but I think you read more about people's wealth on here than, say, on facebook or in person because it is an anonymous forum and talking about money in public is generally considered rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So the personal attacks are continuing. I get it. I sound like a snob that feels superior to most people. This is very off putting. I will admit I am guilty as charged. I will no longer try to defend myself. But do keep in mind that I only say these things in this thread. In real life, I am a quiet, well liked person. I could be your co-worker or your neighbor. I have learned to keep my thoughts of superiority to myself. I love people, but I willingly admit that there are so many people that turn me off with their poor life decisions (bad decisions concerning love, marriage, divorce, children, career, school, etc. etc.) I feel that if people made the decisions I did, they would be in a happier place too.

I am also a Republican that believes that people should rely on themselves rather than the government.

Finally, I still feel like I would have received a little more support from the money and finance crowd. The relationship board people are probably a sad, depressed group of people with relationship problems. In my opinion, some of you envy me and most people don't care either way. Some will respond by saying that you pity me because I'm so boring or off putting or pick your negative adjective. You are entitled to your opinion.

In a future post, I will bring up another similar subject but write in the most politically correct way. I will try to get positive instead of negative feedback.

OP, you sound like a housewife with older children and plenty of time on your hands to document and report on everyday banalities. You are puzzled that other people don't care about your stories because, if you didn't write about that, you would have nothing to write about. You just seem like a very plain, simple person, and while that doesn't make you bad or anything like that, it does make you boring.

[Anonymous]

This thread is (I think unintentionally) hilarious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So the personal attacks are continuing. I get it. I sound like a snob that feels superior to most people. This is very off putting. I will admit I am guilty as charged. I will no longer try to defend myself. But do keep in mind that I only say these things in this thread. In real life, I am a quiet, well liked person. I could be your co-worker or your neighbor. I have learned to keep my thoughts of superiority to myself. I love people, but I willingly admit that there are so many people that turn me off with their poor life decisions (bad decisions concerning love, marriage, divorce, children, career, school, etc. etc.) I feel that if people made the decisions I did, they would be in a happier place too.

I am also a Republican that believes that people should rely on themselves rather than the government.

Finally, I still feel like I would have received a little more support from the money and finance crowd. The relationship board people are probably a sad, depressed group of people with relationship problems. In my opinion, some of you envy me and most people don't care either way. Some will respond by saying that you pity me because I'm so boring or off putting or pick your negative adjective. You are entitled to your opinion.

In a future post, I will bring up another similar subject but write in the most politically correct way. I will try to get positive instead of negative feedback.

If you think people who go to relationship section have problems in relationships, then by your own logic, people going to money and finance section have problems with money. In reality, neither is true. People come to both forums to seek and give advice. Finance section is not a place where rich people come to boast how much money they have. Many have average incomes and are asking for advice about pensions, benefits, paying off debt... I don't see how your problem would be of interest to them. Also, while I don't know this for sure, I believe there is quite a bit of overlap, so it is very likely you will encounter this same crowd at other sections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So the personal attacks are continuing. I get it. I sound like a snob that feels superior to most people. This is very off putting. I will admit I am guilty as charged. I will no longer try to defend myself. But do keep in mind that I only say these things in this thread. In real life, I am a quiet, well liked person. I could be your co-worker or your neighbor. I have learned to keep my thoughts of superiority to myself. I love people, but I willingly admit that there are so many people that turn me off with their poor life decisions (bad decisions concerning love, marriage, divorce, children, career, school, etc. etc.) I feel that if people made the decisions I did, they would be in a happier place too.

I am also a Republican that believes that people should rely on themselves rather than the government.

Finally, I still feel like I would have received a little more support from the money and finance crowd. The relationship board people are probably a sad, depressed group of people with relationship problems. In my opinion, some of you envy me and most people don't care either way. Some will respond by saying that you pity me because I'm so boring or off putting or pick your negative adjective. You are entitled to your opinion.

In a future post, I will bring up another similar subject but write in the most politically correct way. I will try to get positive instead of negative feedback.

I just click on recent topics. I don't go to specific boards. I think a lot of people do the same thing. But feel free to take your ridiculousness to the money and finance board if you think they will be less likely to find you idiotic.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are wealthy by most standards although most people in our upscale neighborhood assume we must not be all THAT wealthy since we choose not to have the biggest house (we are New Yorkers at heart), drive modest cars, and simply don't spend a lot of our money. I am absolutely amazed by the people (sorry but mostly women) in my neighborhood who don't work, have likely never really worked a day in their life (unless marrying rich husband and staying fit can be defined as work), and seem completely miserable and money conscious. It can be quite depressing actually, until I remind myself that these Botox-laden ladies must not be all that happy. If so, why the need to let everyone know how much money you have? So no, not jealous. Just bummed that our desire to live in really nice neighborhood means I come into contact with these people more often than I care to. I have yet to see ANY correlation with "money" and happiness with these folks. And the sense of entitlement they exude is incredible. OK-I'll now remove the chip on my shoulder but this post just struck a nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I understand what you are saying. I am new wealth and live VERY conservatively. That is why posting about wealth would be offensive to all my middle class family, friends, and colleagues. After years of regular living, we are in a position to enjoy our wealth a bit.

You have money, but many people will say that if you don't use it, you'd might as well not have it. Why not enjoy yourself more?

It is impossible NOT to post about wealth on FB. FB is all about vacations (I travel to exotic destinations frequently). FB is about food (fancy restaurants and meals and dinner parties). FB is about sharing that new handbag you purchased. Or a new car. Or that new stainless steel refrigerator. Even if you make donations or pursue advanced degrees, people know that you need money to do that. People can be envious that they don't have money to do the same.

My point is that most FB posts are about how you live, which is directly associated to your wealth.

Facebook is childish. Not sure why adults want to communicate like college kids.

[Anonymous]

i think there are some teenagers and college kids in the relationship discussion section. they wouldn't read the money section since it would bore them. so there are some sophomoric posts here.

i think money does not equal happiness but studies show that richer people are happier. google it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I am jealous of higher incomes. We make in the low 100's combined and both have advanced degrees. It's not a bad salary to live on, but it's really hard to get ahead. We don't own a home, but pay so much in rent that I don't know how we'll ever save up for a down payment (or another car or child care, etc.). I am constantly stressed about money.

There are a couple of things that get me on DCUM. One is when people with high incomes write things about how people like me should just throw in the towel because they'll never be able to make it. It makes me feel like they think my life doesn't have value because I don't make more money. The other is when people with high incomes complain about how they can't make it on some super high salary but they're living so extravagantly. It makes me think that many wealthier people have no idea what it's like to be middle class or poor, but more importantly, that they don't care. It makes me sad about the state of the country.

I like to think that the anonymity is what allows people to be so horrible and that they'd be kinder if we were having a conversation face to face, but sometimes it's hard to give the benefit of the doubt.

Don't be disheartened by the mean people. The first decade after school was hard for us too. Things will get easier when you are more established.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"OP again. You are misreading my post. I am very humble and modest. I go out of my way to downplay my wealth and I don't post on FB. I'm probably more like your marathon friend. When people talk about their struggles, such as living paycheck to paycheck, I try to listen, even though I can no longer relate to their problems. (Sometimes I truly feel sorry, but sometimes I think they are idiots for making poor life decisions).

What I am trying to say is that as my wealth increases, I am doing more interesting and expensive things. I am trying to find an outlet for discussing those things in a comfortable environment without losing my friends and family. In other words, I want to start talking to your friend about that European vacation. I've spent most of my life talking to the 60K marathoner already. Very interesting, but I've already done that. "

Yikes!

Lmao!