This is a really tough situation

[Anonymous]

Why does the age of her kids have anything to do with this?

Whats wrong is wrong whether she has been married 2 years or 25, or if her kids are 1 or 20!

Don't act on your impulses...you will regret it. You have a good thing going.

I think feeling bored after being married a long time is not uncommon but sounds like its a great time to start a part time job or take up a new hobby to occupy your mind.

[Anonymous]

Divorce your husband first.It'll only get more boring. Then go hump whoever you want, but that gets boring too.
Or
I'd jerk off thinking about the guy, and good to go.

[Anonymous]

Troll. But, rip open your bodice, throw yourself into his arms, and brush up against his throbbing hot ....

[Anonymous]

Do it! Studies show that creative types are great it bed!

[Anonymous]

I watched my best friend make this very mistake. For a few days of passion (amazing and life changing accoring to her) but she could not keep it in and confessed. Backfired as her husband proceeded to file for divorce before the day was over. She never expected it or saw it coming (he ADORED her). But trust was gone, and he ended up getting custody of his two darling girls. She has visitation. It was an ugly ugly situation.
Seeing that cemented my personal feelings that giving into your impulses is simply not worth especially when it sounds like you have a darn good life. As many have suggested, I think taking up a new hobby, getting a job, going back to school or taking a long trip could be good right now to get your mind off this situation. I would also dump it....he sounds like hes up to no good and that temptation will not just go away.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have those same feelings for your husband, but out of loyalty to you, he's told me he won't allow himself to act on them. I'll respect that, but I'd love to be his wife.

[Anonymous]

OP- Sounds like you have way too much to lose. I hope you already know that this is a big big mistake. I laughed about the hire an ugly architect comment but if you are finding yourself to be too weak, then you do what it takes.

A woman on my sons soccer team ended up having a scandalous affair with their coach last summer. I watched it get really bad and the sad thing was how if affected her kids. If you think about no one else, please don't do it for your kids.

[Anonymous]

These are totally normal feelings and you haven't acted on them. Tell your DH how you are feeling. Tell him that you are attracted to the architect. Your husband has been attracted to many women before. Sometimes simply talking about it (with your partner) will help dissipate the feelings. This will also force you guys to have a difficult conversation that you obviously need to have, in the context of a practical and present situation. Who knows? It could spice things up and bring you closer together.

[Anonymous]

To above. I don't know about you but if I told my husband this, he would go into cardiac arrest while wanting to divorce me It would totally destroy him. I could never ever tell him such a thing. I wish it was different, but its not, cannot speak for OP but think there are many spouses that cannot be honest in this way to their husband or wife. I know for us it would never work out.

Advice to OP, stay away. Bring your kids to the meeting if you are committed to using this architect and do not ever be alone with him while you feel that kind of attraction. I had a similar situation with my daughters orthodontist and finally had to stop using him. He was very interested in me and made it clear and it just became too uncomfortable (and tempting)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I

I have to tell you, I had a two night affair on business years ago, never got found out but its a horrible secret I have had to carry and I cannot stand it. Would go back and erase it if I could. Wasn't worth it. Think twice, sounds like you have a lot to lose.

+1 Think carefully. The guilt can be toxic for you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Bring your kids to the meeting, and start calling it "Asia".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To above. I don't know about you but if I told my husband this, he would go into cardiac arrest while wanting to divorce me It would totally destroy him. I could never ever tell him such a thing. I wish it was different, but its not, cannot speak for OP but think there are many spouses that cannot be honest in this way to their husband or wife. I know for us it would never work out.

Advice to OP, stay away. Bring your kids to the meeting if you are committed to using this architect and do not ever be alone with him while you feel that kind of attraction. I had a similar situation with my daughters orthodontist and finally had to stop using him. He was very interested in me and made it clear and it just became too uncomfortable (and tempting)!

Do you think you both understand that there are attractions happening, but silently agree to never acknowledge it? Or are you each pretending never to be attracted to someone else? I suppose I can understand the former, but not the latter. Attractions that are never discussed, even jokingly, are dangerous. You may be able to suppress them but how do you know your partner can? Why take chances on that?

I also think that hubs has a right to know that OP is having boredom issues so that he has the opportunity to make improvements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To above. I don't know about you but if I told my husband this, he would go into cardiac arrest while wanting to divorce me It would totally destroy him. I could never ever tell him such a thing. I wish it was different, but its not, cannot speak for OP but think there are many spouses that cannot be honest in this way to their husband or wife. I know for us it would never work out.

Advice to OP, stay away. Bring your kids to the meeting if you are committed to using this architect and do not ever be alone with him while you feel that kind of attraction. I had a similar situation with my daughters orthodontist and finally had to stop using him. He was very interested in me and made it clear and it just became too uncomfortable (and tempting)!

Do you think you both understand that there are attractions happening, but silently agree to never acknowledge it? Or are you each pretending never to be attracted to someone else? I suppose I can understand the former, but not the latter. Attractions that are never discussed, even jokingly, are dangerous. You may be able to suppress them but how do you know your partner can? Why take chances on that?

I also think that hubs has a right to know that OP is having boredom issues so that he has the opportunity to make improvements.

He doesn't have to fix all her problems. In the same way she isn't responsible for his boredom. If someone cheats that is 100% on them, their choice. A conversation about how she is feeling but not a conversation saying I am bored, its your fault, fix it or I am going to sleep with the guy working on the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to play devil's advocate and say - go for it; have a discreet little affair. However, be aware that if you are found out and if your husband is upset, he may file for divorce and your life will change completely.

I am sure, though, that some middle aged women have had discreet affairs for the fun of it with no negative consequences.

Not OP, but to me it's not a matter of being found out. It's about integrity and just being able to live with the consquences. Could you live every day knowing that you had this "discreet" little affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't go. It has no future. You're risking a solid relationship for a fling. If you cheat, you'll be found out or confess, the marriage will end, you'll cheat your kids out of a FT dad, your finances will plummet, your DH will remarry and you'll be left in an absolute mess.

I've seen this happen to friends a dozen times. Learn from their mistakes. Don't do it to yourself.

But, hey, none of this is "boring!"