This is a really tough situation

[Anonymous]

Everyone needs to calm down. This woman is coming here for solid advice, lets not judge and instead just offer her what we feel. My advice is this has ZERO potential to go anywhere and my hunch is you will be terribly guilt ridden and feel forced to confess. Your husband I am guessing will leave you and having an affair will not hold up well in divorce court not to mention the damage it will do to your kids. Plus its rather scathing. My sister made this tragic mistake about five years ago and it cost her way too much. Nearly all regret the affairs.

If lack of sex or boring sex is an issue....well there are many options that you can do right in the privacy of your own bedroom. Use your imagination. Many do it, may not talk about it but its very very common.

And this is kind of a funny spin on things- I have a very ugh lets say energetic friend who is married to a very calm passive man. She has fantasized many many times about other men so she gets her "friend" (aka toy) and has her own little make believe flings with these people (in her imagination) and gets it out of her system that way. No one gets hurt, she is happy and her fling has "happened" without ever touching another human being, haha. Want to know the funniest part? She is a sex therapist!

[Anonymous]

Don't blame your husband for your own boredom. Even if you are SAHM, you can still develop yourself and your own interests. It is incredibly lame to call your husband "boring". He is not responsible for your entertainment. My Mom was SAHM her whole life; a life which sounds much like your own (hardworking, well-paid husband with many material comforts). I remember she always had an interest or a skill she was developing. She has vast bookshelves on arcane subjects she is interested in. I remember her taking us to the pool and doing whatever she was interested in in the afternoons -- needlepoint, calligraphy, etc. -- while we swam. When I was an athlete in HS, she took me to early morning practices at 5 am, toting along her manual typewriter and writing a masters thesis on the bleachers. She may have been a SAHM, not working outside the home for her entire life, but I admire that she never used that as an excuse to declare her life or my father boring.

[Anonymous]

That is funny 17:13 about your friend though I would imagine not unusual.

My advice? Take up a hobby. Do not go to that meeting alone. Bring a friend or one of your kids or all your kids. But also know you will have a lot of contact with this person and if you don't think you can control your feelings, i say fire him and hire a new ugly architect A very ugly architect.

[Anonymous]

I would do it. Get it out of your system. DH has to know he is a bore at this point.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, can you get a hobby? Or something that you find fulfilling, other than the architect (no pun intended).

I think it would be really sad to disrupt your relationship and children's lives on the basis you are bored. Often cheating involves two people who don't care about the consequences and one person who doesn't deserve them.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound very spoiled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow amazing what happens when I step away from my computer for a few hours. No this is not made up ..and I am perplexed why "The Orient" is a problem. He is going to Korea, Hong Kong and Tokyo..is not that the Orient?

Some of you offered great advice, bring the kids. Very good idea. Some of you are just plain old mean. This is not typical of me at all, I have never felt this way and in fact this afternoon made an appt. for the first time in my life with a therapist for next week. These feelings are new to me and kind of freaking me out. But seriously do not judge or throw stones, for someone being honest and putting their feelings out there.

"plain old mean"
"I have never felt this way"
"These feelings are new to me"
"Do not . . . throw stones"
etc.

and, yes, "the Orient."

So many clichés. So, so many.

[Anonymous]

Orient? ASIA!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow amazing what happens when I step away from my computer for a few hours. No this is not made up ..and I am perplexed why "The Orient" is a problem. He is going to Korea, Hong Kong and Tokyo..is not that the Orient?

Some of you offered great advice, bring the kids. Very good idea. Some of you are just plain old mean. This is not typical of me at all, I have never felt this way and in fact this afternoon made an appt. for the first time in my life with a therapist for next week. These feelings are new to me and kind of freaking me out. But seriously do not judge or throw stones, for someone being honest and putting their feelings out there.

The kids call it "Asia" these days.

Since we're deep in Harlequin midlife land here, I say go for it! Wrinkle some blueprints and sweep the wine glasses to the floor while you're at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been married for 24 years. Love my husband but I am going to come out and say it...I am bored. I respect him immensely, he is a highly accomplished professional, we live in an amazing home, have a second beach house, our kids attend a top private school, we take amazing trips, you get the picture. I quit working years ago to raise our kids which i do not regret. I got married young and that could be a big part of why i am feeling this way. I am not happy about it because I don't want to do something stupid. My husband is a good loyal man, but boring ugh..yes he is. Works a lot too.

Fast forward= went to our beach house this past weekend to have some work done. The architect who is doing the job was there (met for the first time) and to say there were sparks is an understatement. It was actually a little scary. I don't know that I have ever felt that electrifying feeling EVER. No nothing happened but we worked together a few hours and it was very obvious there was a strong mutual attraction. He is a good 10 years younger than me (but I look very young for my age).

Now, I am supposed to go back this Sat. to work with him all day. My husband is flying to the Orient for two weeks and leaving it in my hands. I am honestly petrified of something happening. The physicality of the situation was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am not going to lie...if he had tried to kiss me i would not have stopped him. Please help me!! Do I go? Do I not go? Do I fire him and hire someone else? Between my feelings of wanting to be with someone else (again kind of out of boredom) the insane attraction to this gorgeous man (unmarried) and my own total lack of self control at this point in my life...I am a little nervous. Please do not judge me. I am putting myself out there beucuse I want genuine good advice.

You are an adult. Act like an adult. If you feel like you are unable to control yourself around this man, you should not be around this man. It sounds like you are having a midlife crisis of sorts. A therapist can help you sort this out, or you could just pull yourself together and not act on your sexual attraction to a stranger.

Also, "the Orient"? Really? It's 2013 and this is not a Victorian romance novel.

bwahaha, I was thinking the real thing. Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing. LOL

This. Only problem is her writing sucks.

[Anonymous]

Cheaters suck. End of story.

[Anonymous]

OK just ignore all the silly rants. Bottom line is this- you made a commitment, through thick and in, good times and bad, you know the drill. IF this is no longer something you wish to be a part of...then get out of your marriage and THEN do as you please.

But until then you have a commitment to uphold and you owe it to not only your husband but your kids too. Just think about the "what ifs" and it shouldn't take you long to figure out that this is a hell of a bad idea. I say fire the man. Even the fact that he was letting you know he found you attractive is beyond unprofessional. Get rid of him and as someone else suggested hire an ugly one!

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like an entitled woman. I urge you to find a job or volunteer. Of course your husband is boring..he's working his tail off to provide a first and second home to you! You're bored and need something to occupy your time, not another man.

[Anonymous]

If you've been married 24 years, how old are your kids?!

[Anonymous]

How about this approach. Talk with your husband about it in a lighthearted way.

You: "Honey, I have to tell you, that guy at the beach house the other day...OMG he is incredibly handsome. If I was not so happy with you, I would seriously jump that guys bones and give him a night he'd never forget! In fact, let me show you what I'm talking about (wink wink, sexy smile)"

Then you absolutely rock your husband's world. And who cares about whether or not you are actually thinking of the Beach House Guy or hubby while you are doing incredibly naughty things with the man you love.