This is a really tough situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi its me OP again. He wanted to see me again and I said its out of the question. I also told my husband that I think we should hire a new architect. We are discussing this now. It is too uncomfortable to continue this relationship given whats happened. The guilt and remorse is very real but I know if I tell him no matter how I tell him not only will he be devastated but he will leave. While I cannot say I am madly in love as I was 20 years ago I do love him and do value our life together. I am willing to make things better and hopefully in time this will be nothing but a distant memory. That is my hope. I do think I need to cut off all connection to him, my attraction to him is undeniable and as I have said over and over, its the strongest most magnetic feeling I have ever experienced so knowing that I need to end it on all ends.

What drivel. You have the narcissistic part down pat.

I hope somehow your husband finds out, so he can make his decisions for himself and know the truth about his own marriage and his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I had to update you. We did meet and we did have "some fun" but the guilt was intense and I told him it could never ever happen again and it won't. I allowed myself to do this as a willing participant, I knew or suspected something would happen if i met him and I still chose to. The attraction was so strong it was kind of scary. I had never felt that way, it was like an intense magnetic pull and there was no stopping me. I have a lot of regrets, this happened about 9 days ago and I have not seen him since but he has called and we spoke on the phone.
I just wish those three hours together had been a disappointment, I do think about him a lot but it just can't happen. Iam very upset with myself and giving in like I did in a moment of weakness, but vowed to never do it again and I won't.

Gag. This isn't a Harlequin Romance Novel, this is real life, honey. You aren't a helpless pawn against "magnetic attraction." Get a grip or get out of the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think the OP is a Harlequin Romance novel writer in training.

[Anonymous]

OP, what rationale are you giving your husband for switching architects?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what rationale are you giving your husband for switching architects?

You really think she will have a problem making up more lies?

[Anonymous]

Just because you have great chemistry with someone doesn't mean you have to act on it.

[Anonymous]

She thinks this is Madison County.

[Anonymous]

Amazingly selfish and skanky. You disrespect yourself, your husband, your kids, your life when you cheat.

Instead of fantasizing about some wicked nasty sweaty sex, you need to fall back in love with your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what rationale are you giving your husband for switching architects?

You really think she will have a problem making up more lies?

Just curious. I think her biggest lie has been one of omission. If I had hired an architect (signed a contract), my DH would need a better reason than "I changed my mind."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She thinks this is Madison County.

Hey, I liked that movie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She did it once. I don't think one mistake is worth breaking up a long-term marriage and family for. I don't condone what OP did but I think she is very remorseful and would not do it again.

Cheating isn't a mistake - it is a choice, a decision, and in her case a planned and thought out one. She made her decision. Whether or not that decision means the end of her marriage should be left up to her husband.

You are confusing an accident with a mistake. Sometimes you can do something that you later know was a mistake and you regret doing it. I hope the architect can keep his mouth shut and move on. I hope OP can recommit herself to her marriage and be the partner her husband deserves.

Don't let someone who is not your husband put his penis in you. Don't put your penis in someone who is not your wife. It's not complicated. Easy enough to know it's wrong in advance. Unless you're selfish and faithless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She did it once. I don't think one mistake is worth breaking up a long-term marriage and family for. I don't condone what OP did but I think she is very remorseful and would not do it again.

Cheating isn't a mistake - it is a choice, a decision, and in her case a planned and thought out one. She made her decision. Whether or not that decision means the end of her marriage should be left up to her husband.

You are confusing an accident with a mistake. Sometimes you can do something that you later know was a mistake and you regret doing it. I hope the architect can keep his mouth shut and move on. I hope OP can recommit herself to her marriage and be the partner her husband deserves.

Don't let someone who is not your husband put his penis in you. Don't put your penis in someone who is not your wife. It's not complicated. Easy enough to know it's wrong in advance. Unless you're selfish and faithless.

She was married to her husband for 24 years without cheating. I think people make mistakes and can change. I used to be unflinching in my feelings about such moral failings but my kind DH changed me with his rule that "I believe in giving everyone a second chance." We are complicated creatures.

[Anonymous]

Calm down everyone. I know what it feels like to have that amazing off the charts chemistry with someone and it IS scary stuff because you feel helpless against it. Yes, in a perfect world most know to not act on impulse no matter how tempting it might be but that does not always happen.

The point is she was weak and made a big mistake. She feels remorseful over it. Give her a break. If she is willing to work on her marriage and try to make things right again, give her a chance to do that before nailing her to a cross! What she did was wrong but everyone makes mistakes,some small and some big. My own brother did this very thing, thankfully he and his wife were able to work on their marriage instead of giving up and today have a rock solid truly exemplary marriage.

24 years is a long time to be with one person, maybe she was very young when she married, maybe she had little experience it is normal to wonder and fantasize about being with someone else, maybe her husband wasn't paying attention to her anymore who knows...who are we to judge. I am curious to know if the architect is still in the picture or has he been fired and under what premise did you fire him (to your husband)? I do hope it all works out for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been married for 24 years. Love my husband but I am going to come out and say it...I am bored. I respect him immensely, he is a highly accomplished professional, we live in an amazing home, have a second beach house, our kids attend a top private school, we take amazing trips, you get the picture. I quit working years ago to raise our kids which i do not regret. I got married young and that could be a big part of why i am feeling this way. I am not happy about it because I don't want to do something stupid. My husband is a good loyal man, but boring ugh..yes he is. Works a lot too.

Fast forward= went to our beach house this past weekend to have some work done. The architect who is doing the job was there (met for the first time) and to say there were sparks is an understatement. It was actually a little scary. I don't know that I have ever felt that electrifying feeling EVER. No nothing happened but we worked together a few hours and it was very obvious there was a strong mutual attraction. He is a good 10 years younger than me (but I look very young for my age).

Now, I am supposed to go back this Sat. to work with him all day. My husband is flying to the Orient for two weeks and leaving it in my hands. I am honestly petrified of something happening. The physicality of the situation was unlike anything I have ever experienced and I am not going to lie...if he had tried to kiss me i would not have stopped him. Please help me!! Do I go? Do I not go? Do I fire him and hire someone else? Between my feelings of wanting to be with someone else (again kind of out of boredom) the insane attraction to this gorgeous man (unmarried) and my own total lack of self control at this point in my life...I am a little nervous. Please do not judge me. I am putting myself out there beucuse I want genuine good advice.

You are an adult. Act like an adult. If you feel like you are unable to control yourself around this man, you should not be around this man. It sounds like you are having a midlife crisis of sorts. A therapist can help you sort this out, or you could just pull yourself together and not act on your sexual attraction to a stranger.

Also, "the Orient"? Really? It's 2013 and this is not a Victorian romance novel.

bwahaha, I was thinking the real thing. Me thinks OP is taking a stab at soft core novel writing. LOL

+1

[Anonymous]

Hope you met and told him in no uncertain terms that this is not working and that you have made it clear you will not be retaining his services but will be moving onto another architect. Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Do not meet him again. Just end it cut and dry.